You can’t go home again…

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…or at least, you probably shouldn’t.

Not if “home” is a small town.

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This Roundtable has been a good excuse to give a couple of older reviews a makeover:

[NB: No nudity, but possibly NSFW anyway. {You heard me: two slasher films with no nudity. What is the world coming to..?}]

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MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981)

Twenty-one years after a mining disaster, and twenty years after the sole survivor of that disaster went on a murderous rampage, the small town of Valentine Bluffs decides to revive its annual Valentine’s Day Dance, not held since the time of the tragedy.

Big mistake…

 

 

 

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I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (1997)

A year after their attempt to cover up hitting someone with their car turns into murder, four friends reunite in the small town of Southport, North Carolina.

Big mistake…

 

 

 

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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Corman crime conspiracy

Dillinger And CaponeThe 1995 Roger Corman production Dillinger And Capone has a great premise: What if bank robber John Dillinger crossed paths with mob boss Al Capone? But as for the end results… well, it is a 1990s Roger Corman production after all, though somewhat better than most.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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A League of Their Own

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Admittedly, I might be stretching the concept behind our 15th anniversary theme beyond the breaking point…but come on! A gang of wisecracking soldiers unite to pull of one big heist? It seemed appropriate at the time. Anyway, on with the heist!

 

LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN
feat5League of Gentlemen begins with a scene that seems like it should have come from a German krimi film based on the lunatic mystery novels of Edgar Wallace. A well-dressed man in smart evening wear emerges from a manhole somewhere on one of the steamy streets of London then proceeds to enter a waiting Rolls Royce. He drives himself home and then sets about the task of writing seven letters. Each of these he places in a parcel alongside an American potboiler novel called The Golden Fleece, ten half-£5-notes, and an invitation to lunch at the Cafe Royal.

Keith Allison is the ruthless overlord of Teleport City.


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Those bloody kids…

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Bloody BirthdayThe movie Bloody Birthday is an above average take on the not that often used “killer kid” movie genre.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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How obvious is my anniversary roundtable entry?

So obvious that it’s actually called The Anniversary!

 

The Anniversary (1967– see!), in which somebody needs to put a muzzle on Bette Davis, stat…

The Atomic Submarine (1959), in which the flying saucer swims for a change…

Beyond the Door (1974), in which the mother is possessed instead of the daughter, and it changes everything– even though very little else changes…

The Catman of Paris (1946), in which you wouldn’t believe me anyway…

Dracula Has Risen from the Grave (1968), which will cause less charitable viewers to wish he would go back…

Taste the Blood of Dracula (1969), which temporarily reclaims the franchise’s honor…

and…

Scars of Dracula (1970), which tosses much of it away again.

 
 
 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.


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War of the Welles

OK, not a movie, but still…

WAR OF THE WELLES
orson-welles-graphic-5When I was young still and open of mind, my parents set me loose in the University of Kentucky bookstore with the understanding that I was allowed to choose for myself from the racks of tapes and books some manner of entertainment. As I perused the offerings with a diligent focus that can be mustered only by a seven-year-old with a serious decision to make, I contemplated my options. I flipped through the racks, past recordings of old radio dramas. The Shadow? Maybe. Lights Out Theater? Even better. And then I found it. With nary a doubt in my mind as to the correctness of my decision, I took from the rack and presented triumphantly to my mother my choice of prize: a recording of Orson Welles’ legendary broadcast of The War of the Worlds on Halloween eve, 1938.

Keith Allison is the ruthless overlord of Teleport City.


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You can’t keep a good devil down

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THE EXORCIST III (1990)

A series of gruesome murders is carried out in Georgetown, Washington D.C., all them bearing the hallmarks of the Gemini Killer – who has been dead for fifteen years.

His investigation leads Lt William Kinderman to the psychiatric ward of Georgetown General Hospital, where in one of the isolation cells is a man claiming to be the Gemini Killer…and who bears a disturbing resemblance to the late Damien Karras…

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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Quindecennial

Ah, my friends…can you believe it’s already five years since the B-Masters gathered together to celebrate their 10th anniversary by sharing with the world the wonder that is the screen’s only were-jellyfish?

Those intervening years have not been kind. The combination of a generally hostile universe with that fact that one of our number evidently crossed an old gypsy woman and provoked her into putting a curse upon our collective technology has resulted in a certain degree of attrition…and yet we continue to defy our manifest destiny, laughing in the face of danger and climbing mountains to hurl anathemata at those who think that any amount or degree of obstacles can stop us going where no film reviewers have gone before.

It helps to be clinically insane, of course.

So this month we invite all of you who have so generously put up with our erratic behaviour and broken promises over the years to join us on this very special occasion—not just our 15th anniversary, but also our 50th Roundtable. To mark this double milestone, we’ll be taking a look at some films that are also about the marking of an anniversary…if not necessarily about a celebration…

And while it isn’t necessary, if anyone would like to buy us a gift, we’re registered at Blood Bath & Beyond.

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It’s B-MENTIA 15…all throughout November at the B-Masters’ Blog!

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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Zut alors!

The KlutzI’ve certainly spent a lot of time bashing the English-Canadian film industry. But enough of that for now. With The Klutz, I have the chance to bash the French-Canadian film industry.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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A Macabre Parade

Three previously published Teleport City reviews have been revised and spruced up with brand new, larger screencaps.

Dagon
dagonfeatMuch of Dagon‘s running time is comprised of Paul’s desperate flight through the seemingly inescapable labyrinth of the crumbling village, mobs of bug-eyed, tentacled creatures always close behind. Most of this sticks pretty close to The Shadow Over Innsmouth. While it changes the motivation for arriving in the decrepit old village (a ship wreck instead of general curiosity) and the location of the village (somewhere along the coast of Spain instead of somewhere along the coast of New England), and adds a girlfriend into the mix, once arrived in town the action is more or less the same.
Count Yorga, Vampire
feat1Despite erroneous claims that this was originally going to be a porno film, I assume The Loves of Count Iorga, Vampire would have ended up looking like Hammer’s saucier 70s vampire fare like Twins of Evil and Vampire Lovers. It wouldn’t have harmed the film any to indulge in a little sexy, but ultimately I think it works pretty well in the final form as a very low-key, slow-moving, but hypnotic study of a jaded vampire that doesn’t lapse into either self-indulgent pity or over-obvious satire.
Haunted Palace
haunted43Much is made about the inherent unfilmable nature of most of Lovecraft’s stories, though I think to some degree this is overstated. The number one stumbling block is always the question of how you depict nightmares so foul that they become incomprehensible, or how you create a color that does not exist in our universe, or a structure with geometry that does not adhere to the laws of physics as define our space.

Three old reviews have been saved from the rubbish bin in which they mistakenly got thrown.

Face of Eve
feat1-1If jungle adventure movies have taught us anything, it’s that modern man, with all his so-called “refinement” and “civilization”, is the most dangerous animal of all. Whatever perils the jungle may hold, it is those city folk — greedy, thoughtless, and cruel — who step within its borders who pose the greatest threat. Even though those city folk ultimately fall prey to quicksand, cannibals, and hungry wild animals.
Creature of Destruction
feat16“There is no monster in the world so treacherous as man.” So we are reminded at the beginning of Larry Buchanan’s Creature of Destruction and, just in case we forgot, at the end of the film as well. I like a film with a message, but the message is considerably less interesting if the film has to print it out for you. But hey – at least the guy was trying, which is more than can be said for most films.
Murders in the Rue Morgue
feat22Murders in the Rue Morgue is also a good example of how important Vincent Price was to the success of these films. His special talent was making bad movies good, and making boring scenes interesting simply because he’s so much fun to watch. Even The Oblong Box, which is heavy on Price sitting there and talking, is made more enjoyable simply by virtue of the fact that Price is doing the talking.
Keith Allison is the ruthless overlord of Teleport City.


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