Rabukurafuto Guessed It.

Hands of the Ripper (1971), in which Red Jack’s daughter is almost as big a pain in the ass as he was…

Münchhausen (1943), in which not all wartime propaganda films look like wartime propaganda films…

Night of the Living Dead (1990), in which you better believe they remembered the copyright notice this time…

and…

Wheels of Terror (1990), in which you might as well just watch Duel and The Car again instead, were it not for one curious thing.

 
 
 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.


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Everybody’s working on the weekend

Weekend WarriorsThe comedy Weekend Warriors was the first movie Bert Convy directed. It doesn’t take long upon watching it to find out why it was also the last.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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How much do I hate doing housework?

So much, I would rather watch an Arthur Askey movie.

So much, I would rather watch nose-wrestling.

So much, I would rather re-watch Murders In The Zoo without fast-forwarding through the Charlie Ruggles scenes.

TGT41-gander2b.

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So—a couple of resurrected reviews for you (because if I have to suffer through them, so do you):

- THE GHOST TRAIN (1941)

- TWO LOST WORLDS (1951)

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And having at last gotten my hands on a replacement copy of MURDERS IN THE ZOO (1933), I have fixed up the screenshots. (Oh, don’t worry—I didn’t take the snakes away!)

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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Plant this in your DVD player

The Tamarind SeedIf you are looking for a movie with romance and intrigue, The Tamarind Seed is a pretty safe bet, with its two lead actors at the top of their game.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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What a Travolting development

Eyes Of An AngelOne of a number of movies John Travolta made while struggling to make a comeback, Eyes Of An Angel is so wrong-headed in so many ways that you have to wonder about the quality of the proposed projects Travolta passed on in favor of making this one.

(NOTE: Apologies for recent Unknown Movies web site problems. I am working on a solution. Until then, if you can’t access the web site, try again a few minutes later.)

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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Little Devils and Deadly Dames

Hooray, it’s update time! A couple articles salvaged from the past and spruced up for 2009 or so.

DEADLIER THAN THE MALE
featConsider that Deadlier that the Male opens with legendary Elke Sommer skydiving from a jet seconds before she blows it up, plunging into the water to be picked up by another European beauty, Sylvia Koscina (from the first two Hercules films, among others), in a skimpy bikini. Seconds later, both bikini-clad women emerge from the ocean and find a man lounging on his seaside patio, whom they promptly impale with a shot from a spear gun. Now that is how you get the viewer’s attention.
THE DEVIL RIDES OUT
droutde Richleau spirits Simon away. It’s difficult to say whether or not he rescues or kidnaps the young man, since we’re unsure whether or not Simon was dabbling in the black arts of his own free will or because he was under the spell of local occult bigwig Mocata (Charles Gray, probably most recognizable as the narrator from The Rocky Horror Picture Show). Eventually, the film leans toward “under the spell,” but the whole thing seems very fuzzy, which allows the viewer to interpret the movie either as a straightforward “good versus evil” tale or a more subversive look at the subjugation of free will and intellectual curiosity at the hands of the ruling elite.
Keith Allison is the ruthless overlord of Teleport City.


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Anybody else remember that this is the Cabal’s 15th anniversary year?

‘Cause I realized it only after I fortuitously started writing a review for exactly the movie I’d have picked if we had done a celebratory roundtable.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986), in which Jack Burton was not brought upon this world to get it…

Godzilla (2014), in which Gareth Edwards amply makes it up to us for the last time Hollywood tried to make a Godzilla movie…

Macumba Sexual (1981), which continues the crappy run of luck for real estate agents encountering the supernatural begun by Nosferatu 60 years earlier…

and…

The Warrior (1981), in which Indonesia gets a Wong Fei Hong of its own.

 
 
 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.


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Silently tidying up

COTP12-monster5b

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Hey, gang – some housekeeping to be going on with.

I have:

- slightly revised, re-formatted and tried to fix the screenshots for She (1911)

- slightly revised and fixed the screenshots* for À La Conquête Du Pôle (1912)

- re-formatted Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde (1912)

- re-formatted Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde (1913)

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(*You can see the monster much better now!)

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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Chase this one down

Seraphim FallsEven those who don’t care for westerns will probably find Seraphim Falls greatly entertaining, because it concentrates more on action and suspense instead of traditional western elements.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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The Madness of Wild Boys Howling on the Streets

Got a lot to catch up on, but here’s the latest pile of Teleport City articles.

These three have been salvaged and revised from the murky past:

STREETS OF FIRE
street2“The dialog is stilted and phony, but in a weird way that is totally believable. It’s fifties tough guy slang but with the rapid-fire panache of the eighties, or maybe of a forties film noir. So really, not so much how tough guys talked as it is how we think tough guys talked, playing once again to the concept of American mythology. Hill’s rock ‘n’ roll tough guys stand as tall and symbolic as the cowboys of a John ford western. Every line is a carefully crafted homage to the concept of rock ‘n’ roll rebel. It’s corny in spots, but never unintentionally so — and even though that stilted corniness may be intentional, it’s never ironic or overly wink-wink the way modern films are.”
HOWLING II: YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF
featAnd yet, as undeniably bad as it all is, there I am, every time it’s on television. And what makes it worse is that I own the DVD! I own the goddamn DVD and still I watch it whenever it’s on television. Let this be a lesson to anyone who ever takes my advice on anything; if you ever find yourself faced with a difficult decision and ask yourself, “What would Keith from Teleport City do?” then your immediate next thought should be, “Watch Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf.”
THEY WERE 11
theywere11_1There is really only one action scene in the entire movie, and that’s a pie fight. Yet despite the dearth of robots on roller skates shooting cannons at each other, They Were 11 is an engaging, tense, and engrossing piece of science fiction that makes you feel like it’s action-packed even though it isn’t. The basic premise was derived from an old Japanese story about a group of children at a playground who suddenly realize that there is one more child there than there should be. There’s a good chance the extra kid, whichever one he may be, is some sort of monster.
And these two were written for The Cultural Gutter, a site for which I am writing on a monthly basis:
WHERE IS ALL YOU ANGELS
wb14-300x225Mulcahy’s big idea was to make a film version of Wild Boys, which seems rather a challenging project. Disregarding the self-indulgent structure and juvenile crudity of the book, Wild Boys is still a pulp adventure about a collapsing society that gives rise to gangs of violent, feral homosexual boys who spend all their time killing people, screwing each other, and masturbating. Not MPAA-friendly storytelling.
YOU CAN’T MAKE A MASTERPIECE WITHOUT MADNESS
gallery2-500x369Jodorowsky’s vision of the film was vast, an epic on a scale science fiction film had never attempted. A psychedelic mind warp that Jodorowsky himself said he wanted to be like taking LSD without taking LSD. He wanted his film to be nothing short of a cultural uprising, a trumpet for the legions of youth who had risen up against the establishment in the 1960s. He wanted Dune — in story, in philosophy, in daringness, in design — to be a revolution. Pavich’s documentary tells the story of how this movie never actually got made.
And finally, I am writing a book. It’s about booze and James Bond, and this is a sneak peek at the introduction, which poorly explains my concept.
BOND VIVANT: INTRODUCTION
james-bondWhen retired British Naval Intelligence commander Ian Fleming retired to his modest villa, Goldeneye (“Goldeneye, nose and throat” quipped his neighbor, the entertainer Noel Coward, who was unimpressed with Fleming’s abode) in Jamaica to write his first novel, he didn’t expect it to be much more to society at large than a passing trifle. It was an attempt to make good on a desire that boiled up in him during his wartime service, perhaps as a way to try and one-up his popular brother, Peter, who was a well-known much beloved adventurer, war hero, and writer.
Keith Allison is the ruthless overlord of Teleport City.


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