It’s not quite a Roundtable, but almost. As I head into my annual “Month of the Living Dead” at Cold Fusion Video Reviews, several other B-Masters have volunteered (and others were strongarmed) to participate by throwing a zombie movie review out during October. The dead outnumber us, you know.
This week’s new reviews are Dead Heist (2007), a hip-hop heist zombie movie that is probably better than I should have expected a hip-hop heist zombie movie to be.
And then there’s Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004), a corporate celluloid product that singlehandedly justifies all the snarky comments made by Continental European types about American pop culture.
#1 by Blake Matthews on October 4, 2007 - 6:05 am
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I know a reviewer from a well-known action review site that gave Resident Evil: Apocalypse a 4/5 while mercilessly bashing most of Jackie Chan’s recent output and a lot of Jet Li’s HK fare too.
#2 by Blake Matthews on October 4, 2007 - 6:16 am
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What’s up with the wacky kaptions on the pixtures?
#3 by Nathan Shumate on October 4, 2007 - 6:37 am
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LOLzombies. Image Macros of the Living Dead.
#4 by Matthew Fudge on October 4, 2007 - 7:08 am
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On the plus side it’s possible to watch these resident evil movies over and over again without atcually remembering that you’ve seen them before.
Plus, having recently sat through Masters of Horror, the scanner sequels and this movie, I’ve gotta say that Toronto is way too dangerous for me and I’m never going there.
#5 by Blake Matthews on October 4, 2007 - 7:26 am
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I didn’t care a whole lot for what I saw of the first one. As for the second one, I’m curious about it (as it does have martial arts), but I don’t think it’ll beat the fight scenes from the first two Blade films.
#6 by Matthew Fudge on October 4, 2007 - 8:19 am
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Don’t bother, it’s crap, as is the new one, as is that Ultraviolet movie that Milla is also in (y’know, the one where she wears a wig while killing people in bullet time).
Having also watched Aliens Vs Predator recently, there is something very distinctive about these mid-budget Paul Anderson horror/action type movies, they exist in a sort of hermetically sealed plastic universe which only vaguely resembles the real world and none of the pain or suffering or death ever has *any* emotional impact whatsoever. In that sense he translates videogames all too well, as the player in a video game doesn’t want to dwell on all the hundreds of people he’s murdering, so the viewer doesn’t get to dwell on what all this violence actually implies. it’s just cool images. Not that there’s anything wrong with cool images, but heroes can actually suffer and still win, it makes them more heroic not less.
anyway, that’s my speech.
#7 by Blake Matthews on October 4, 2007 - 8:27 am
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I have nothing against brainless action movies. I loved the first Mortal Kombat film and found Aliens vs Predator an enjoyable (if watered down) experience. He’s better than, say, Steven Sommers, who packs his horror/action films so full to the brim that the films end up collapsing under the weight of their own contrivances.
#8 by Braineater on October 4, 2007 - 8:55 am
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Matthew — RE:A is a particularly ghastly example of the kind of thing you’re talking about… one of our “heros” starts off as an Umbrella Corp. guard, switches sides midway through the movie, and then spends the rest of the film murdering his former co-workers with a smile and a wisecrack. And we’re supposed to LIKE him.
#9 by Nathan Shumate on October 4, 2007 - 9:02 am
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By the way, Braineater’s review of that same movie is much better than mine. Damn him.
#10 by Blake Matthews on October 4, 2007 - 9:08 am
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Nathan, no offense, but do you have an inferiority complex? Don’t worry, you’re reviews are just fine. If you can do anything to improve them, you could just update the old ones to include the usual totals at the end. But they’re perfectly enjoyable with some good pictures and captions. Oh, I miss the Buddhist Pilgrim, too.
#11 by Nathan Shumate on October 4, 2007 - 9:10 am
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But did you read Braineater’s review? DID YOU? Huh?
#12 by Blake Matthews on October 4, 2007 - 9:15 am
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A long time ago. I can remember off the top of my head that he called it an unnecessary sequel (or something), given that 28 Days Later was the perfect sequel to the first RE.
#13 by Nathan Shumate on October 4, 2007 - 9:17 am
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He points out a lot more inconsistencies in the plot-convenient transmission of the T-virus, too. And just general Braineaty goodness.
#14 by Matthew Fudge on October 4, 2007 - 9:23 am
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Oh I like brainless actions movies too, it’s just that in these RA movies the world ends and nobody gives a shit. The protagonists are so blankly written and acted that nothing they do or suffer or inflict has any impact at all. And everyone else in the film is simply there to fulfill a plot function (mostly being killed or being evil). you know what? these movies don’t deserve our time. when’s zombie lake on?
#15 by Blake Matthews on October 4, 2007 - 9:35 am
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hehehe…Nathan’s going to have smite with the rod of his mouth, but I don’t any point of comparison for zombie movies, as I haven’t even watched the first NOTLD film yet (don’t worry, I have it set aside for this month).
#16 by Braineater on October 4, 2007 - 9:38 am
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Not better, Nathan. Just wordier.
I got some of the most poisonous hate mail from pissed-off RE fans after my review… some of them went on at length trying to defend the many inconsistencies, saying if I’d just paid attention to the first movie, or played the games, then I’d understand. Yeah… if only, right? I ignored them. Nathan, I have a suspicion you may get more angry reactions from your Resident Evil review than from your critique of thug culture.
#17 by Nathan Shumate on October 4, 2007 - 9:47 am
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Only because more geeks than thugs know how to email.
#18 by Matthew Fudge on October 4, 2007 - 9:53 am
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I watched ‘i walked with a zombie’ the other day and there were no sword fights, drop-kicks or exploding cars at all. it was rubbish.
#19 by Blake Matthews on October 4, 2007 - 12:07 pm
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Which is ironic because the movie has had a really good reputation in times past.
#20 by Matthew Fudge on October 4, 2007 - 12:26 pm
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Nah, I’m lying, it’s pretty good, though someone described it as ‘more interesting to analyse than watch’. It just struck me how much the conception of a zombie movie has changed. it’s basically a rip off of rebecca or jane eyre.
#21 by Blake Matthews on October 4, 2007 - 12:37 pm
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Jane Eyre? Invading the horror genre? What a cold, unfeeling place this universe is.
#22 by El Santo on October 4, 2007 - 12:57 pm
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Of course, I Walked with a Zombie, like all the Val Lewton horror films, was atypical for its genre even then. White Zombie or King of the Zombies would give a much better indication of what zombies were about in pre-gut-munching days.
#23 by Matthew Fudge on October 5, 2007 - 2:16 am
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Sure, just steer clear of ‘revolt of the zombies’, which is beaten hands down by watching paint dry
#24 by Blake Matthews on October 5, 2007 - 5:24 am
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They had several of those really old school zombie films on the Internet Movie Archive availabe for free download. However, I never heard anything *good* about them, except White Zombie (which I saw many, many years ago) and NOTLD, which I have yet to see. I remember Leonard Maltin commenting on King or Revolt and saying: “should’ve stayed dead.”
#25 by Matthew Fudge on October 5, 2007 - 5:40 am
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I don’t know about where you are, but here there is 3-pack of White Zombie, King of and Revolt of, that turns up in every discount DVD bin for a only a few quid. There’s about 6000 dvd versions of Nigh of the… due to some wierd copyright dispute that I could never be bothered to understand, at any rate though it means that pretty much anyone can put out a copy. hence you can get it very cheap. picture quality is all over the placen though
#26 by Blake Matthews on October 5, 2007 - 6:36 am
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Hmm…most of the classic horror films that I’ve seen out on DVD here are mainly Hammer and other English horror films. Those are available in large quantities. The older ones…I’m not sure.
#27 by Joshua on October 5, 2007 - 8:02 am
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So, I’m not trying to be difficult or anything, but I’m not sure the lolcatz captions work in your screengrabs– they don’t seem to fit the otherwise literate tone of the text.
Just sayin’
#28 by Nathan Shumate on October 5, 2007 - 8:08 am
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I CAN HAZ LITRIT?
#29 by El Santo on October 5, 2007 - 11:21 am
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“There’s about 6000 dvd versions of Nigh of the… due to some wierd copyright dispute that I could never be bothered to understand”
The way I heard it, it all came down to a stupid mistake. Originally, the movie was to have been called The Night of Anubis; Romero’s distributor rightly objected that that was a terrible title, that two-thirds of the target audience wouldn’t even know what it meant, and that the third that did would assume it was a mummy movie. The main title display had already been filmed, however, which meant that a new one would have to be shot and spliced into the master negative. It had to be done fast, too, because there was hardly any time remaining before prints were due to be struck. In the resulting rush, somebody forgot to put a copyright notice on the new main title display. This was well before the comprehensive overhaul of US copyright law in 1973, and under the old rules, a work that did not explicitly assert its copyrighted status did not enjoy the benefits of copyright protection. Thus, for want of careful proofreading, a fortune was lost– or, again, such was the story as I heard it.
#30 by Nathan Shumate on October 5, 2007 - 11:29 am
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Which is how I understand it, too — so it MUST be right! (Note that NOTLD is technically not in the public domain; it’s still under copyright to the original holders. But without the copyright notice, there was no means to ENFORCE the copyright, which amounts to pretty much the same thing: Anybody who can get ahold of a print can duplicate it to their heart’s content, and no one can muster the legal muscle to stop ’em.)
#31 by Blake Matthews on October 5, 2007 - 11:44 am
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Which is why I can download it for free…yay!
#32 by John Doe on October 5, 2007 - 7:09 pm
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Nathan, please, put the cat down and back away slowly.
Guys, we may need to stage a lolcatz intervention for Mr Shumate. I think he’s lost it.
#33 by Braineater on October 5, 2007 - 9:09 pm
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As the official Crazy Cat Person of the Cabal, I can personally assure you that Nathan is nowhere near close to losing it.
I, on the other hand, HAZ LOSTED IT. IT HAZ LOLCATZ MISTAKED IT FOR TEH CHEEZBURGER AND THEY EATED IT.
IT HAD A FLAVOR.
Anyway, if you’re concerned about the legitimacy of LOLzombies, I suggest you take a look at lolthulhu.com — if it’s good enough for the Great Old Ones, it’s good enough for me.
KTHXBYE
#34 by Nathan Shumate on October 5, 2007 - 9:45 pm
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And I think a whole month of it will work it nicely out of my system.
#35 by Braineater on October 5, 2007 - 9:49 pm
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O lucky man…! I talked like a LOLcat even before the meme infection. I’ll be doing it long after the craze has died away.
#36 by Matthew Fudge on October 7, 2007 - 2:14 am
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I dunno, this must be an American thing.
#37 by Blake Matthews on October 7, 2007 - 6:44 am
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I looked up the thing on Wikipedia, but still didn’t have a clear idea of what was going on. Whatever. I guess I’m a little….slo…
#38 by Nathan Shumate on October 7, 2007 - 8:44 am
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Take a look here.
#39 by Braineater on October 7, 2007 - 10:41 am
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I just went to see Resident Awful: It stinks, shun last night. I think it was aimed at an audience that finds LOLcats too intellectual. I have sneezed things of greater depth and substance.
#40 by Nathan Shumate on October 7, 2007 - 1:01 pm
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Russell Mulcahy: A director dedicated to having made only one good movie.
#41 by HP on October 7, 2007 - 2:02 pm
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Revolt of the Zombies has one saving grace: It’s The flashback scene, early in the film, where the undead Cambodian priests are sent into the trenches and go over the top in nothing but loincloths, bandoliers, and Adrian helmets against the Kaiser’s machine guns. I mean, c’mon — Cambodian zombie priests taking on the Hun! That’s pretty sweet. Of course, it’s only five seconds out of sixty-odd mind-numbing minutes, but still.
OT: I love the new format. I’ve been reading reviews by the Cabal since I discovered Wil Laughlin’s review of Dead People/Messiah of Evil (still my favorite zombie movie ever).
#42 by Matthew Fudge on October 9, 2007 - 3:06 am
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To be fair Revolt also has a very nice photo of Angkor Watt that the cast get to walk around in front of.
#43 by Matthew Fudge on October 10, 2007 - 8:57 am
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” just went to see Resident Awful: It stinks, shun last night. I think it was aimed at an audience that finds LOLcats too intellectual. I have sneezed things of greater depth and substance”
Perhaps film makers could take a cue from Radiohead and allow the viewers to pay whatever they felt the film was worth?
#44 by Braineater on October 13, 2007 - 11:45 am
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Good idea, Matthew. I expect my rebate check from Paul W. S. Anderson any day now. I should be able to retire on it.