Birth Rite (2003) is another movie from that odd turn-of-the-millennium period when Full Moon wasn’t really Full Moon; it didn’t know WHAT it was. (It was bad, yes, but I’m doubting that that was intentional.) We’ve got bizarre prophecies, inconsistent teen angst, Wiccans treated as if they were a magical subspecies, and a finger-snapping warlock (and not in a good way).
#1 by Tom Meade on December 6, 2007 - 6:23 am
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I’m not sure who exactly to pin the blame on for the popularisation of the idea of witches as a distinct species, but it annoys me so much.
#2 by Blake Matthews on December 6, 2007 - 10:10 am
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I have a book called “Mythological Creatures” that was published in the 1970s. In it, the author (Paulita Sedgwick) includes wizards, alchemists, and witches as (natch!) mythological creatures. Unfortunately, there’s no foreword or introduction for to clear up or justify the inclusion of such as “creatures.”
#3 by Nathan Shumate on December 6, 2007 - 10:12 am
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Don’t let your daughter marry an alchemist! You’ll have mutated children!
#4 by KeithA on December 6, 2007 - 10:17 am
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Nathan, you are getting dangerously close to being “the world’s premiere authority on Full Moon Productions.” And yes, that is something you should be proud of.
#5 by Nathan Shumate on December 6, 2007 - 10:18 am
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Intentionally, good sir.
#6 by KeithA on December 6, 2007 - 10:25 am
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Wait wait — this girl lives in a town where Julie Strain is a teacher and Brinke Stevens is a mother? All we need is Michelle Bauer as the mayor, and I’m wondering why I couldn’t grow up in a town like this.
#7 by Nathan Shumate on December 6, 2007 - 10:30 am
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I don’t know about that, but I might be able to swing Debbie Rochon as a meter maid.
#8 by Matthew Fudge on December 6, 2007 - 10:41 am
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From the tagline I assume this was made to knock off ‘The Gift’ in an Asylum kind of way. You know, aiming high and all that.
#9 by Nathan Shumate on December 6, 2007 - 11:22 am
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I don’t know that The Gift made enough of a splash to qualify for a ripoff three years later, and very little about the movies corresponds. Maybe some guy in the art department (or THE guy in the art department) had a personal fondness for The Gift.
#10 by El Santo on December 6, 2007 - 12:01 pm
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“Wait wait — this girl lives in a town where Julie Strain is a teacher and Brinke Stevens is a mother? All we need is Michelle Bauer as the mayor, and I’m wondering why I couldn’t grow up in a town like this.”
And Linnea Quigley needs to be the librarian.
#11 by John Doe on December 6, 2007 - 5:57 pm
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I dunno. Seems like it’s bad in a bland sort of way. Just another generic hack em up.
#12 by Blake Matthews on December 6, 2007 - 6:31 pm
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It seems that each of the B-masters has a specialty. Nathan – Full Moon movies; El Santo – micro-budget zombie flicks; Will – obscure, foreign horror films; Liz – shark movies; Keith – European (and eastern) cult cinema. If this is actually true, I think it’s swell.
#13 by Tom Meade on December 6, 2007 - 8:14 pm
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I would have put El Santo as the leading authority on 70s sexploitation movies.
#14 by Nathan Shumate on December 6, 2007 - 9:44 pm
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Ken – Movies that qualify as someone’s tax write-off.
Stomp Tokyo – Self-explanatory.
Dr. Freex – I dunno, but he sure makes a good grouchy coot waving his cane at all the damned kids trampling his yard.
#15 by Matthew Fudge on December 7, 2007 - 3:17 am
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The little pentagram just makes me think of the Witchcraft movies, and then I want to go have a shower.
#16 by Blake Matthews on December 7, 2007 - 5:27 am
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All I know about that series is that “Terror on Tape” said that the filmmakers seemingly studied at the Penthouse school of eroticism.
#17 by Matthew Fudge on December 7, 2007 - 8:47 am
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Well just as, I guess, there is no Cop show that is too formulaic, obivous and wooden that someone won’t love it, thus there is no soft porn/horror too unsexy/scary that it can’t find enough of an audience to reach
No. XI or whatever it’s on. In short, there’s no accounting for taste. But then couldn’t that be the motto of this whole website?
#18 by PCachu on December 7, 2007 - 9:54 am
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The B-Masters: There May Be No Accounting For Taste, But That Doesn’t Mean We’re Not Keeping Score.
#19 by Blake Matthews on December 7, 2007 - 10:16 am
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I always find it entertaining when the B-master themselves take diametrically-opposed (is that good English?) opinions on the same movies.
#20 by Nathan Shumate on December 7, 2007 - 10:20 am
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Have we done that? I mean, Ken and I pretty much agreed on The Astro-Zombies, except that I enjoyed everything that was wrong with it.
#21 by Blake Matthews on December 7, 2007 - 11:03 am
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Yeah, this happens a lot with Italian horror films and Godzilla movies from the 1970s. If you compare El Santo’s and Keith’s opinions on Italian cannibal/zombie/giallo films with those of you or Scott Hamilton, you can see the difference.
#22 by El Santo on December 7, 2007 - 11:19 am
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“No. XI or whatever it’s on”
13. 13. For the love of all that’s unholy, they’re working on part freaking 13 right now!!!!
#23 by Blake Matthews on December 7, 2007 - 11:26 am
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Does that make it one of the longest running horror franchises in history?
#24 by KeithA on December 7, 2007 - 11:30 am
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Blake’s right. if there is one point at which we digress after often agreeing with each others, it’s on Eurotrash and Godzilla movies from the 70s. The Greatest Movie Ever podcast just did an episode on Godzilla vs. Megalon where they were aghast at how much both Barry’s Temple of Godzilla and Stomp Tokyo hated the film. Of course, they also didn’t seem to buy in to my theory that the whole film is a glorious celebration of gay rights and the ability of two gay men and their grinning android to raise a child.
#25 by Blake Matthews on December 7, 2007 - 11:40 am
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I unconditionally love all Godzilla movies as my own children, even though some of them may be prodigal children in some ways. To me, the biggest sin that G vs. Megalon committed was giving Godzilla nothing to do except participate in the 13-15 minute finale (which was fun). At least the finale to G vs. Gigan (my 2nd or 3rd favorite G film ever) was 30 minutes long!
But, despite those differences, I imagine it’s a question of “disagreeing on the policy without being hostile towards the policy-maker.”
#26 by Elizabeth the Ferret on December 8, 2007 - 2:28 pm
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Speaking of Godzilla vs. Megalon, I read Keith’s review of it yesterday (or possibly the day before. Sometimes the day just sort of run together) and nearly died a couple of times, as I was foolishly drinking something while reading. Now I want to find the movie and watch it.
#27 by The Rev. D.D. on December 17, 2007 - 10:04 am
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I find that I actually enjoy GvsM more than I did in my youth. And being my second-ever Godzilla movie (and the first one I owned), I already had a certain fondness for it. But it’s just so unabashedly silly. I will never stop laughing at the flying drop kick o’ doom, or Jet Jaguar’s desperately gleeful handshake when Godzilla finally shows up to save his Zone Fighter-wannabe ass.
And anyone who cannot find joy in the Jet Jaguar song is simply a soulless abomination who will never know anything but the deepest misery.
“Punch PUNCH PUNCH!!!”
#28 by Blake Matthews on December 17, 2007 - 10:20 am
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“And anyone who cannot find joy in the Jet Jaguar song is simply a soulless abomination who will never know anything but the deepest misery.”
I honestly don’t find much joy in that song. However, I’m a huge fan of the closing song of Godzilla vs. Gigan.
#29 by The Rev. D.D. on December 20, 2007 - 9:26 am
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As long as you find even a little, your soul is secure. Having no love at all for that song is like admitting you love stapling ducklings to kittens and then place-kicking them into wood chippers.
I agree with you on that GvsG song though.
#30 by Blake Matthews on December 20, 2007 - 9:37 am
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I don’t have any hate for the song. I should probably go find an mp3 of it to help jog the memory, as I haven’t watched G vs Megalon in several years. I don’t hate very much music in the Godzilla filmography. I even love Keith Emerson’s GFW score. However, I’m not a big fan of “The Words Get Stuck in My Throat.”
#31 by Blake Matthews on December 20, 2007 - 9:43 am
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Okay, I went and checked out the MST3K “translation” of the song and laughed quite a bit. Okay, I think I can live a full life now.
#32 by Blake Matthews on December 20, 2007 - 1:23 pm
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I discovered another (surprising) point of digression: compare the two reviews of “Nail Gun Massacre” listed in the index. Intriguing.
#33 by Nathan Shumate on December 20, 2007 - 2:29 pm
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Blake, that can be explained by the fact that I’m right and Greywizard is wrong.
#34 by Blake Matthews on December 20, 2007 - 4:08 pm
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I gotta start combing the index for these points of digression when I have some spare moments. I found another one with “Dinosaur Island”. I find it all pretty entertaining. Another example, I noticed that Nathan and El Santo enjoyed “The One” a lot more than Ken (and presumably Keith) did. I find this all pretty entertaining.
#35 by lyzard on December 20, 2007 - 4:11 pm
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If it helps, Ken was shocked that I disliked much of Dinosaurus!
#36 by Blake Matthews on December 20, 2007 - 5:10 pm
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I love that movie. I take it that you wouldn’t want a man calling you his “little tamale” (I know how the response to this one will be).
#37 by Nathan Shumate on December 20, 2007 - 5:11 pm
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That reminds me, Blake. I still need to write a review proving conclusively that Dinosaur Island is one of the greatest movies ever made.
#38 by Blake Matthews on December 20, 2007 - 5:25 pm
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Now that’s a review I can’t wait to read.
#39 by lyzard on December 20, 2007 - 5:25 pm
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Uhh, I doubt it’s anything I’ll ever have to worry about. No, I just dislike the whole revive ’em, humiliate ’em, kill ’em business.
#40 by The Rev. D.D. on December 28, 2007 - 4:10 pm
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“No, I just dislike the whole revive ‘em, humiliate ‘em, kill ‘em business.”
I feel that way about The Lost World: Jurassic Park.