Hey, who needs a director at the top of his game, a talented cast, a committed screenwriter and a clever special effects team when you’ve got a pot of mustard, a way with papier-mâché and a camera with a jammed mauve filter?
FROM THE VAULT
- Swords and sorcerers, boobs and barbarians — posted by lyzard on February 24, 2010
- Reviews I Tried to Write, Part 1 — posted by El Santo on June 14, 2021
- The Last Word (Well, maybe… Freex?) — posted by El Santo on August 31, 2008
- Gangrene Widescreen – Shriek of the Mutilated (1974) — posted by Steve Billups on May 28, 2008
- Silents are golden….and occasionally pyrite — posted by lyzard on December 16, 2007
Pages
- About the Cabal
- Full Index of Reviews
- Roundtables
- 01: Brainathon ’99
- 02: Bangs'n'Whimpers
- 03: Post-Apocalypso
- 04: Review All Monsters
- 05: Pretty Mad Scientists
- 06: Tainted Love
- 07: Days of Future Past
- 08: Secret Santa
- 09: Catch a Throwing Star
- 10: Four-Color Features
- 11: Big Bugs
- 12: Fish With Bicycles
- 13: Go Go Go-Go Boys!
- 14: paLe IMITATIONS
- 15: We're Gonna Need a Bigger Roundtable
- 16: Whoa… Deja Vu.
- 17: Month of the Living Dead
- 18: B-Masters Beach Party
- 19: Kinji Fukasaku – The Man No Genre Could Tame.
- 20: Home Video Holocaust – The Video Nasties
- 21: Father Dearest: Who's Your Daddy?
- 22: So Sorry…
- 23: Back to the Well
- 24: Another Month of the Living Dead
- 25: The Ottoman Empire Strikes Back
- 26: Rubber Soul
- 27: Shhhhhh
- 28: Month of the Alternative Living Dead
- 29: On Time & Under Budget
- 30: These Kids Today…
- 31: Mea maxima culpa
- 32: Stingathon ’09
- 33: 10,000 B.S.
- 34: Foot Notes
- 35: Don’t Touch That Dial!
- 36: He Conquered the World
- 37: Secret Santa’s Revenge
- 38: At the Movies of Madness
- 39: They Might Be Giants
- 40: The Other Elizabeth Taylor
- 41: The Dark Guys of London
- 42: Falling Stars
- 43: To Be or Not To Be! (Pilot Error)
- 44: Teeth and Tentacles
- 45: Brunoween
- 46: Howl of the B-Masters
- 47: It’s Alive!
- 48: Bad, Black and Beautiful
- 49: Don’t Quit Your Day Job
- 50: B-Mentia 15
- 51: Quelle Horreur!
- 52: Carradine, Thou Wayward Son!
- 53: Tall, Dark and Gruesome
- 54: Pets Gone Wild
- 55: The Bad Place
- 56: From The Bible To Barbarella
- 57: A Fistful Of Pennies
- 58: Hello, Dolly
- 59: No, Not That One!
- 60: Dr Terror’s House Of Honours
- 61: WTF!?
- 62: In The Key Of B
- 63: The Forgotten Dawn Of Horror
- 64: The Most Dangerous Roundtable
- 65: Room For One More
- 66: Were-WHAT?
- 67: The China Anniversary Syndrome
- 68: The China Anniversary Syndrome: Part 2
- 69: The China Anniversary Syndrome: Part 3
- 70: The China Anniversary Syndrome: Part 4
- The Links We Love
#1 by Elizabeth the Ferret on February 3, 2008 - 11:03 am
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Heh. I’m not sure which is funnier, the screen caps of the shock therapy or the way you described it. Without your excellent wording of that, I never would have realized that bowties make wonderful snacks. (goes to out to buy some for the Not Watching the Superbowl Pary)
#2 by Ed on February 3, 2008 - 11:36 am
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Great job, Liz. The bit about the profanity reminds me of the Mad Magazine Exorcist parody where the Ellen Burstyn character basically asks the doctor where the (bleep) Regan got such a dirty (bleeping) mouth. Funny stuff.
#3 by Sandoz on February 3, 2008 - 1:42 pm
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I think that screencap may be scarier than all of The Exorcist.
#4 by lyzard on February 3, 2008 - 3:10 pm
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Actually, I was sorry afterwards I didn’t put on the blog the later one of her clutching the bedpost and looking so green-faced and goofy. That one really sums up Seytan.
#5 by lyzard on February 3, 2008 - 3:14 pm
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Well, I’m glad I got something of the sense of that scene across, because it is just absolutely most mind-blowing. (Hey, literally! – right, Gul?) I only wish I had the capacity to include clips in the review, because it really is beyond anything that can truly be conveyed in words. I know that there are online versions of Seytan around, and I cannot recommend strongly enough that you find one and watch this for yourself.
#6 by Blake Matthews on February 3, 2008 - 3:27 pm
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Wow, that screen cap of the fake body and the rotating head…words cannot describe that.
#7 by lyzard on February 3, 2008 - 4:26 pm
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Watching this film is a wonderfully life-affirming experience – you come away from it feeling good about everything and everyone.
#8 by supersonic on February 4, 2008 - 3:23 am
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huh — all I get is a busted link, yet others are reading an amusing review? Where’d it go??
#9 by lyzard on February 4, 2008 - 4:24 am
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Uh, yeah; Santo gave me a heads-up this afternoon, at which time I wasn’t having any trouble – but now I sure am! I’m sorry, I’m not sure what this is about – I’ll look into it and see if I can sort it out.
#10 by PCachu on February 4, 2008 - 9:38 am
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It kind of looks like your site’s been rolled back a couple months. The index page is claiming Zombi 2 as the most recent review, with the Month of the Living Dead banner and everything. The Freddy vs. Jason critique and postgame with Ken are both gone, too.
#11 by lyzard on February 4, 2008 - 1:04 pm
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Yes, that’s what I’m getting too, but I’ve no idea why.
#12 by David Lee Ingersoll on February 4, 2008 - 3:10 pm
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Apparently Seytan doesn’t like being mocked.
#13 by The other lizard on February 4, 2008 - 3:29 pm
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Luckily I read this review before it mysteriously disappeared. It was marvelous, but I wonder if you could share some of those weird subtitles with us. I love stuff like that. In case anyone missed it, you can see screen caps of a badly subtitled Revenge of the Sith (“Backstroke of the West”) here:
http://www.winterson.com/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html
#14 by lyzard on February 4, 2008 - 4:31 pm
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To be fair, I was mostly mocking Tugrul Bilge. I can’t see Seytan objecting to that.
And also, the subtitles, while funny, are not up to the sublime standard of Backstroke Of The West. (“Smelly boy!”) If and when I can, though, I’ll post a few of the subtitles’ subtitles.
#15 by Elizabeth the Ferret on February 4, 2008 - 4:35 pm
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Off topic (for the most part), but speaking of funny subtitles, my favorite was from the Hong Kong bootleg of an anime series. This one guy, when meeting this other guy for the very first time at a fighting tournament, says “It is you that I love, and I am expecting!”
#16 by lyzard on February 4, 2008 - 4:38 pm
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At least we know what they were fighting about.
#17 by supersonic on February 4, 2008 - 5:18 pm
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In the meantime, the LEAST you can do would be to call me up and read the review to me over the phone, no?
#18 by Tom Meade on February 4, 2008 - 9:59 pm
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My favourite subtitling glitch is probably from Clans of Intrigue – “He has a bisexual identity!”. It’s only really funny in context, though.
#19 by The Rev. D.D. on February 7, 2008 - 7:40 am
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I guess I haven’t seen enough movies with bad subtitles…the only one I can think of off-hand is the relatively well-known Seventh Curse one. Along with the “Herculean!” one Ms. Kingsley mentioned in her review, I howled at “Take my advice or I’ll spank you without pants!” And then thought that’d be a pretty fun thing to see. (We are talking about Maggie Cheung, after all…)
Just when I think I’m getting caught up on the bad movie ouevre in all its non-glory, another facet appears that I have to delve further into… *le sigh*