We cannot face more porn…
Agent 69 Jensen: In the Sign of Scorpio (1977), in which the world’s horniest international supervillain tries to steal the formula for a substance that could replace oil as the planet’s primary fuel source, and only a bunch of incompetent boobs can stop him…
Agent 69 Jensen: In the Sign of Sagittarius (1978), in which the incompetent boobs return to battle an Albanian superspy who is incomprehensibly indistinguishable from a Cossack, but mostly just get sidetracked banging a bunch of sexy girls…
Children of Men (2006), in which nobody’s had a kid in eighteen years, and the world is teetering on the brink of collapse because of it…
District 9 (2009), in which aliens pick the single worst place on the entire planet to settle in on a permanent basis…
Goth Kill (2009), in which a Satanic sorcerer’s bid to make himself a prince of the underworld doesn’t go quite according to plan…
In the Sign of the Gemini (1975), in which two record company bosses embroil themselves in a series of ridiculous misadventures while competing to sign a popular cabaret singer, and there’s an enormous amount of screwing…
In the Sign of the Lion (1976), in which two batty old ladies who used to be the hottest thing in town cause a monumental scandal by publishing a novelization of their youthful sexual adventures under their young cousin’s name…
In the Sign of the Taurus (1974), in which a filthy-minded old count turns his village upside down by making the bequest of his property contingent upon the birth of an illegitimate child within a narrow window of opportunity…
and…
Six-String Samurai (1998), in which Buddy Holly battles the Grim Reaper (who’s really more of a Grim Shredder in the present context) for rulership of a post-apocalyptic America.
#1 by David on September 28, 2009 - 9:03 pm
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El Santo, your commitment to the cause is admirable (it’s a tough job but somebody has got to do it!)
But still, despite your words of wisdom, I’d still be curious to see Sign of Scorpio.
#2 by El Santo on September 28, 2009 - 10:17 pm
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That one occasionally manages to be charming. It’s In the Sign of Sagittarius that totally sucks.
#3 by blake on September 29, 2009 - 10:28 am
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El Santo, have you seen any of Jeff Falcon’s Hong Kong efforts?
#4 by El Santo on September 29, 2009 - 11:00 am
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Not a one, although I read a little about some of them as research for the Six-String Samurai review.
#5 by blake on September 29, 2009 - 11:20 am
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Well, a lot of his individual fight scenes can be watched on YouTube. If you were to track any of them down, I’d personally recommend “Blonde Fury” and “Outlaw Brothers”.
#6 by KeithA on October 1, 2009 - 12:06 pm
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I love the cover for Goth Kill. It’s nice to see that the guys who used to draw the covers for Dragon magazine can still get work.
#7 by El Santo on October 1, 2009 - 2:26 pm
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My first impression upon seeing it, driven mostly by the girl in the fishnet top, was, “Jeez– somebody sure does like Luis Royo.” I don’t know if Royo ever did a cover for Dragon, but he’s probably been on the cover of Heavy Metal more often in the last twenty years than anybody except maybe Olivia DeBerardinis.