What can I say? House-painting sucks up one’s free time like nothing else except possibly booking a tour. Be that as it may, here– at last– are my contributions to the 10,000 B.S. roundtable, plus an unrelated review of a film that I’d have been better off not to catch by happenstance on cable TV one evening:
Conquest (1983), which is a barbarian movie that kind of wants to be a caveman movie too…
Ironmaster (1983), which is a caveman movie that badly wants you to assume that it’s a barbarian movie instead…
The Pumpkin Karver (2006), which is a slasher movie made by people who apparently hope to convince us that Friday the 13th, Part V: A New Beginning really wasn’t quite so bad after all…
and…
10,000 BC (2008), which is a caveman movie that turns into a barbarian movie in the third act.
#1 by blake on March 28, 2010 - 3:46 pm
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Hmm…I may just have to watch “10,000 BC” now. Huh. So, we get some reviews of one or two of the SAW sequels? Hmm…pushing the temporal horizon back? Did the Devil’s Castle (or whatever it’s called) get a DVD release? (just ignore the rambling)
#2 by Joshua on March 28, 2010 - 8:45 pm
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10,000 BC even offers an implicit endorsement of a currently fashionable bit of borderline-crackpot archeological revisionism.
And for the archeolgically ignorant in the audience, that would be…
#3 by El Santo on March 28, 2010 - 9:07 pm
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The idea that the Sphinx and the Great Pyramids were built not by the Egyptians, but by an otherwise unknown culture that inhabited the Nile Valley shortly after the end of the last Ice Age. The cornerstone of that theory is the weathering pattern on the Sphinx, which adherents claim is more consistent with heavy rains (which Egypt last saw far longer ago than Old Kingdom times) than with the action of windborn sand. There’s also a bit about how the Sphinx’s head is too small for its body, which supposedly proves that King Khufu had the monument resculpted in his image, rather than ordering its construction in the first place, and something else about the position of Orion’s belt in the night sky supposedly lining up better with the placement of the Pyramids in the Stone Age than in the heyday of ancient Egypt. 10,000 BC portrays its Proto-Semites as being those unknown pre-Egyptian pyramid- and sphinx-builders.
#4 by blake on April 8, 2010 - 11:10 am
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So I watched “10,000 B.C.” just now and thought it wasn’t bad. Its main problem (in my opinion) is that it needed more prehistoric animals, like a megatherium or a wooly rhinoceros or something.
#5 by blake on April 9, 2010 - 8:18 am
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“And yet 10,000 BC suggests instead that perhaps we should have considered Devlin the senior partner in their eight-year reign of cinematic terror…”
Have you considered watching “Eight-Legged Freaks” or “Cellular” to test that theory?
#6 by El Santo on April 9, 2010 - 10:18 am
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Are those Devlin without Emmerich? Eight Legged Freaks was another one that got passed over in favor of more compelling things during “Catching Up with the Aughts.”
#7 by blake on April 9, 2010 - 10:46 am
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Yes, those are.