Got to work chipping my pile of unreviewed screeners down to more manageable proportions while I was at it:

The Alcove (1984), in which having someone literally give you Laura Gemser as a thank-you present turns out to suck a lot more than you’d think (and in which I never did see any alcoves)…

Flatliners (1990), in which Kiefer Sutherland and a team of fairly trepid med students take a tour of the afterlife, and all they get is this lousy haunting…

Masters of the Universe (1987), in which Golan and Globus come late to the party with their bid to cash in on the popular toy line, and even Dolph Lundgren understands how much the resulting movie stinks…

Penance (2009), in which being a stripper– or hell, just knowing a stripper– carries even more occupational hazards than you realized…

Roller Boogie (1979), which starts out being Saturday Night Fever on skates, then turns into Don’t Knock the Rock on skates, then finally decides that it wants to be Black Belt Jones on skates, too…

Sherlock Holmes (1922), in which the reality of John Barrymore playing Arthur Conan Doyle’s most famous character comes up short in comparison to anything you might have pictured when you read that phrase…

and…

Supervan (1977), in which we see that literally nothing is too insignificant to attract the attention of movie producers hankering after a share of the youth market.
 
 
 



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