That’ll have to wait ’til next time. Until then, you may busy yourselves reading about:
Conan the Destroyer (1984), in which the franchise that started it all decides that things like quality and ambition just aren’t worth the trouble…
The Good Son (1993), in which that kid from Home Alone takes his game up a couple of notches…
The Phantom Planet (1961), in which a really boring American astronaut finds himself boringly stranded on a boring planet whose boring people are at boring war with crummy rubber monsters who thankfully are not boring…
and…
The Stepford Wives (1975), in which the masterminds of a conspiracy to create the perfect woman suffer from a truly astonishing lack of imagination.
#1 by Blake on August 28, 2010 - 6:41 pm
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The last evil kid film I saw was “Godsend”, which ironically I watched in my wife’s hospital room after she gave birth to our daughter (okay, I watched the last act, but yeah). Have you found the “truly bad” evil kid film yet?
#2 by El Santo on August 28, 2010 - 6:44 pm
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Well, Children of the Corn turned out to be a whole lot suckier than I remembered…
#3 by Blake on August 28, 2010 - 7:01 pm
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Have you ever heard of a 70s horror film called “The Devil Times Five”. It seems to be an obscure, but interesting-looking evil kid film.
#4 by El Santo on August 28, 2010 - 7:09 pm
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Heard of, yes. Seen, no.
#5 by MatthewF on August 29, 2010 - 2:02 am
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If you’re interested in why the Stepford Husbands have such a dull ‘ideal’ for their robo-brides you should read the chapter on it in William Goldmans’s Adventures in the Screen Trade. It’s good stuff and I won’t ruin it for you, but suffice to say that films cast around the lead actors for better or worse, so that they don’t stand out.
#6 by PB210 on August 29, 2010 - 2:05 am
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“Not only did that movie launch the career of the man who would quickly supplant Sylvester Stallone as the biggest action star of the 1980’s”
Actually, by 1982, when CTB came out, Stallone had mostly done sports films such as Victory and dramas such as F.I.S.T., with Nighthawks in 1981 and First Blood in 1982 his only R-rated adventure films that the received top-billing for.
I find it interesting that although we associate Stallone with R-rated adventure films today, he did not actually make that many between 1976 to 1984.
#7 by PB210 on August 29, 2010 - 6:20 am
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Is CTD one of Dino De Laurentiis’ few sequels? Think about it. DDL had nothing to do with the Death Wish sequels (Cannon did those). Other than King Kong Lives, how many sequels has he made?
#8 by El Santo on August 29, 2010 - 8:00 am
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“Actually, by 1982, when CTB came out, Stallone had mostly done sports films such as Victory and dramas such as F.I.S.T., with Nighthawks in 1981 and First Blood in 1982 his only R-rated adventure films that the received top-billing for. ”
Not everyone is as hung up on ratings as you are, and Joe Bob Briggs didn’t use to call Stallone “Sly Rocky Rambo” for nothing– those sports movies you disregard were very significant in establishing and maintaining Stallone’s credibility as the big, shirtless guy throwing punches and shooting guns. Nor did the release of Conan the Barbarian instantly establish Schwarzenegger’s supremacy. Rather, I’d call ’84-’86 the key years of competition between the two men, with the release of Predator in 1987 marking the moment when Schwarzenegger emerged as the unquestioned alpha-dog of thick-necked cinematic ass-kicking.
#9 by PB210 on August 29, 2010 - 10:12 am
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Thanks for the reply.
I did find it ironic that Stallone seems so adamant about having some of his films R-rated these days (Rambo, Uncommon Valor) when he actually came to prominence with PG sports films. (I myself do not often think of sports films as a subset of “action films” or “adventure films” or “action/adventure”.)
Moving onto another matter; does CTD represent the only time that Schwarzenegger has reprised a role?
#10 by Naomi on August 29, 2010 - 10:32 am
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I guess that depends on whether you consider the various Terminators to be the same role. Also, per the IMDB, he has appeared as himself 178 times (compared to 41 appearances as various characters in movies, TV shows and video games).
#11 by JessicaR on August 29, 2010 - 12:24 pm
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I think what Matthew mentioned is that the actress who plays Joanna’s best friend in Stepford was the wife of the one of the studio execs. If I remember right they were going to have the wives look like sex kittens, but that actress looks like a normal middle aged woman, and she’s the boss’s wife. So they went instead with the Donna Reed, baking in high heels and pearls trope.
#12 by MatthewF on August 29, 2010 - 1:33 pm
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That’s what I meant. Regarding Arnie’s reocurring roles, you gotta say that Coneen or Canan or whatever he’s called in Red Sonja isn’t folling anyone.
#13 by El Santo on August 29, 2010 - 10:36 pm
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“Regarding Arnie’s reocurring roles, you gotta say that Coneen or Canan or whatever he’s called in Red Sonja isn’t folling anyone.”
Which is really weird when you think about it. I mean, Red Sonja was a Dino De Laurentiis production, just like the Conan movies. Sonja herself was a Marvel Comics creation loosely based on a couple of Robert E. Howard characters (Red Sonya, obviously, but there’s also a lot of Belit, Queen of the Black Coast, in her). Why the hell not just call Ersatz the Barbarian Conan and be done with it?
#14 by Alaric on August 30, 2010 - 5:44 am
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I think she’s got a little Dark Agnes de Chastillon (another Robert E. Howard character) in her, too.
#15 by Christian Brimo on August 30, 2010 - 1:43 am
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re: Stepford Wives
i grew up in suburban Connecticut. it really does steal your soul, and the idea of going back there scares the hell out of me
#16 by Read MacGuirtose on August 31, 2010 - 1:24 am
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I grew up in Orange County, California, which is basically a giant sea of suburbs. While stealing the soul may be an exaggeration, it’s definitely not a place I have much desire to spend more time in.
My parents still live there, and I recall one occasion when my mother was worrying about who to leave the house to, saying that my sister really wanted it but it was only fair to leave me a share in it as well. I told her that I really didn’t want to live in Orange County anyway. Her response? “What do you mean? Everybody wants to live in Orange County!”
#17 by MatthewF on August 30, 2010 - 2:37 am
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Arnie seems to think that Red Sonja is the worst film he’s ever made, but I reckon he hasn’t spent enough time considering Jingle All the Way.
#18 by Richard on August 30, 2010 - 6:05 pm
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Do you blame him? No should spend *any* time considering it!
#19 by PB210 on August 30, 2010 - 4:47 pm
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Interesting that Conan the Destroyer transitioned the series from R to PG-13, since we tend to associate that trend (series transitioning from the R-rating) to the 1990’s and later. However, I would have thought that in the 1980’s, the huge success of Star Wars, Superman, Indiana Jones, etc.-all PG-would have persuaded more people to dump the R-rating.
After all, what R-rated adventure film before 1985 had pulled in profits comparable to any of those films I mentioned? I know Clint Eastwood mostly made R-rated films in the 1970’s, but Clint Eastwood’s biggest hit came not with any Harry Callahan film, but Any Which Way But Loose. Charles Bronson had some hits, but he did not make as many R-rated films in the 1970’s as one would think. Richard Roundtree, sadly, seems to have ended relegated to a supporting player after the three Shaft films (all R-rated). I have noted that Stallone’s rise to prominence came with family friendly PG sports film.
#20 by Read MacGuirtose on August 31, 2010 - 12:30 am
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#21 by Read MacGuirtose on August 31, 2010 - 12:34 am
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Er… ow. Not for the first time I wish there were a preview button on this site, or a way for non-admins to edit or delete their posts. Here’s a correctly formatted version of what I meant to write, that won’t stretch the page way down; if some admin could kindly delete the previous version of my comment…
Actually, there may be a possible justification for this. If the reanimated Dagoth obeys the commands of the person most directly responsible for feeding it the virgin blood, then each of the villains would want to be the one to arrange the sacrifice personally, and they would be motivated to keep the Horn of Dagoth and the princess out of each other’s hands — it’s not enough that Dagoth awakens and the apocalypse happens; it’s important that they be the one to bring it about.
However, I last saw this movie a very long time ago, and I don’t remember it too well — I’m just going by your description — so it’s possible there’s something in the movie I’m unaware of that invalidates this possible explanation.
#22 by El Santo on August 31, 2010 - 7:05 am
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It is indeed a possible explanation. However, since nothing that happens in the movie particularly indicates that that’s how it works, it’s a possible explanation that falls squarely into the realm of viewers doing the writers’ work for them.
#23 by MatthewF on August 31, 2010 - 1:27 pm
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It’s interesting to look at the Kull the Conqueror (well more interesting than trying to enjoy it) in light of the rumour which has it that it was commisioned as the script for King Conan and then re-purposed for Mr Sorbo.
#24 by El Santo on August 31, 2010 - 4:14 pm
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And that becomes even more interesting when you recall that “The Phoenix on the Sword,” Howard’s first-ever Conan story, was a reworking of “By This Axe I Rule,” the last-ever Kull story, which Howard had been unable to sell to any of his regular publishers.
#25 by supersonic on September 1, 2010 - 3:16 pm
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Whoa, The Phantom Planet turns out to be something I wondered about for years, and would have asked about in the Movie Search forum if the thought of it had crossed my mind recently enough… when I stumbled into the middle of it as a kid, it was fascinating, and definitely seemed to have more surprises and imagination to it than the average old sky fie movie of the time. Also, it totally seemed somehow like a peplum in space.
Now you go and say it’s dull and boring. But somehow I don’t think I could be bored if I saw it again.
#26 by supersonic on September 1, 2010 - 3:17 pm
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… That is the one with the duel where the object is to throw your opponent onto a high-gravity plate, right?
#27 by El Santo on September 1, 2010 - 4:20 pm
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It is indeed. (Startling true fact: If the foregoing sentence is all you type by way of a comment, the blog software gets pissed off and refuses to post it until you go back and make it longer somehow!)
#28 by The Rev. on September 2, 2010 - 9:46 am
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I like the idea of the gravity plates, and the concept of the duel, but as filmed…THRILL as they grunt and strain and try to SHOVE EACH OTHER!! It’s like a sumo death match as performed by two skinny white guys with an I-bar between them, but much more boring than what your imagination just came up with. It doesn’t exactly make you forget the nunchaku vs. sanjiegun duel from Heroes of the East. Or Leslie Nielsen vs. a bear, for that matter. Or, hell, Chuck Norris’ staring contest with a bear.
Yeah, I think that point’s been beaten into the ground.
#29 by jason farrell on September 2, 2010 - 10:28 am
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I think your fear-of-suburbia theory with STEPFORD is really dead-on. I just finished the novel not too long ago and the fact that you can hear the heroine’s thoughts brings it out with more clarity – she’s drowning in this cultural wasteland.
I really dislike the film version, because it seems from frame one that Ross and her bald husband have been despising each other for awhile.
The casting on the movie was actually wrongheaded due to the fact that Katherine Ross is so obviously gorgeous. The print version of Joanna, we gather, is attractive but not a pageant-level beauty. Your credulity can only stretch so far; when you’ve got a guy on the screen who’s got a wife that looks like Katherine Ross and his character doesn’t show any signs of desirable traits, neither mental or physical…then it’s really hard to buy them as a couple.
The other thing I wanted to say about the book is that the signs of which wife is a Stepford one and which are still independent is much, much subtler. In the movie, it’s so obvious that they could have made a roster just by sight. It’s harder in the novel to get a handle on who is in their way and who isn’t, at least until the trio starts losing people themselves.
#30 by maggiesmith on January 15, 2022 - 11:28 am
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I’ve seen Devil Times Five aka People Toys, and for a movie about a pack of killer kids, it’s pretty meh.