I must have kicked Liz’s cat one time and forgot. Although apparently, according to Freeman, I’ve somehow ended up being the Cabal’s official punching bag: “Apparently all of us were waiting by our computers with something horrible in our hands, hoping against hope that we would get Ken. There is also the probability that there was a muttered chant of “Oh please oh please oh please” as we rocked back and forth, like preschoolers awaiting word from their parents that they may charge downstairs on Christmas morning.”

Well, the woman is deadlier than the male, and sadly for me, Liz drew the lucky straw. Better I had gotten assigned the secret lost sequel to Prayer of the Rollerboys than the plodding, endless jungle hell that is Bo Derek’s Tarzan the Ape Man.

“Well, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”

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