DRACULA, SOVEREIGN OF THE DAMNED When we first meet Dracula, he’s fluttering about the rafters of a Satanic cult (one that is so half-assed that they have contractors in the temple building their altar mere minutes before the ritual is scheduled to begin). Dracula has been masquerading as Satan for the gullible cultists in order to get himself a steady stream of victims, but the latest beautiful young woman, Delores, placed on the altar for sacrifice really catches the vampire lord’s eye, so he whisks her away to his artfully decorated…well, it looks like a suburban Boston apartment. Dracula obviously reads Dwell magazine. |
|
LEGEND OF THE WEREWOLF As I mentioned at the beginning, the idea behind Tyburn seems to have been to make something akin to classic Hammer. Unfortunately Legend of the Werewolf feels more like a latter day Hammer film, looking massively twee and out of date. Bear in mind it came out in the same year as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Living Dead At Manchester Morgue, Frightmare, Black Christmas and The Wicker Man to name but a few. Even more unfortunate is how Legend of the Werewolf combines the elements of a mid-60s Hammer gothic (mild gore, no nudity) with the substandard production value and leaden pacing of one of their 70s duds. |
|
THE TAKING OF BEVERLY HILLS Despite the production date, however, no other action film contains such a perfect and complete distillation of the 80s attitude as The Taking of Beverly Hills, a movie about a bunch of spoiled millionaires who are taken advantage of by a slightly meaner millionaire until another millionaire steps up to the plate to blow stuff up. It’s the cinematic embodiment of the Me Generation, even more so than Wall Street (which purports to moralize about geed and selfishness) and with way more exploding Rolls Royces. Hell, The Taking of Beverly Hills is like someone got drunk and was like, “What if Wall Street was Die Hard?!?” |
|
AMERICAN NINJA 3 You know you’re in trouble on a low-budget second sequel when the star of the first two doesn’t bother to return. When you discover that the first American Ninja, Michael Dudikoff, passed in order to appear in Cannon’s production Alistair MacLean’s River of Death, everything points to a bumpy ride. One possible route a producer can take in this case is to promote a secondary character to leading status. The American Ninja series seemed tailor-made for this, what with the hero having uber-tough guy Steve James as his scary ass-kickin’ sidekick. But the filmmakers decided not to take that obvious path, and recruited a new white guy who just happened to have been trained in the Sacred Ninja Arts. |
|
TWILIGHT PEOPLE The Twilight People is much better than it needs to be, and manages to be so without giving the appearance of trying to compete outside of its class. Not only does Romero know how to tell a story, but he also knows how to make an attractive looking picture on limited means. His camera angles are frequently imaginative, and studiously avoid the kind of nailed down camera work so frequently seen in similar quickie productions. He also combines an eye for striking found locations with an ability to liven up minimal sets with offbeat lighting effects, giving the end product a gloss that’s beyond what most people would expect from what is, in essence, just a cheesy drive-in monster movie. |
#1 by The Rev. on August 22, 2011 - 6:43 am
Quote
Is….is Dracula eating a hamburger?….
Congratulations. I think that’s the fastest I’ve clicked on a review here.
#2 by The Rev. on August 22, 2011 - 7:01 am
Quote
When I started reading your beginning about “Tomb of Dracula,” and recalling how your intros tie into the movie, I thought, “No, it can’t be.” Then I saw Harker and who could only be Drake and thought, “NO.” But, yes, that’s exactly what that movie is about.
It’s amazing that I’ve never read a single issue of “ToD,” yet I recognized Harker (and later, Lillith) on sight.
Yeah, I’m gonna have to see this.
#3 by KeithA on August 22, 2011 - 9:50 am
Quote
Why thank you. And yes indeed — Dracula eating a hamburger is awesome — made even more awesome by the fact that he mugged someone for spare change to buy the hamburger
#4 by The Rev. on August 22, 2011 - 10:03 am
Quote
Yes, yes it is.
This Drac really does sound whiny. First he complains he’s immortal, then he complains he’s not and tries to get said power back. Geez, is he never happy?
#5 by Read MacGuirtose on August 22, 2011 - 4:38 pm
Quote
See, my favorite part the situation isn’t just that Dracula eats hamburgers, or mugs people for spare change; it’s that apparently even when bumming around as a destitute, down-on-his-luck mortal, he apparently still feels it necessary to do so in his full, fancy, high-collared vampire cape.
#6 by Read MacGuirtose on August 22, 2011 - 4:41 pm
Quote
…and apparently I really like the word “apparently”, so much so that I use it twice in the same sentence. Apparently.
#7 by The Rev. on August 23, 2011 - 7:00 am
Quote
I can’t blame him for keeping the cape. If (Great Old Ones forbid) I were ever destitute, I’d feel better if I could stroll around in a cape like that.
I don’t think I could rock the pencil moustache, though.
#8 by Braineater on August 23, 2011 - 10:18 am
Quote
Well, Rev… Florida had a plan this year to give capes to the unemployed. Unfortunately, they were the wrong kind of capes and didn’t inspire anybody.
http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2011-04-20/business/os-jobless-cape-campaign-dropped-20110420_1_money-on-collateral-materials-cape-a-bility-challenge-workforce-central-florida
(Of course, at the moment there are too many people screaming that the unemployed are a bunch of lazy bloodsuckers, so maybe the right kind of cape would have been a bigger mistake.)
#9 by KeithA on August 24, 2011 - 10:13 am
Quote
A man has to have his standards. We actually have a homeless guy in a cape who stalks around the neighborhood where I work. Of course, the cape is made of a bunch of old yellow “Caution” tape
#10 by KeithA on August 22, 2011 - 11:26 am
Quote
He’s the original precursor to the whiny tween vampires, and Satan is really just his exasperated dad. “First you don’t want to be a vampire, now you DO want to be a vampire!” “I hate you dad! You never played baseball with me when I was a kid!”
#11 by lyzard on August 23, 2011 - 11:48 pm
Quote
Just catching up…
…and not to swim against the tide, “OMG, is that Dracula eating a hamburger!?”
Fun fact: David Rintoul played Darcy in the previous BBC adaptation of Pride And Prejudice, which apparently they’ve done the old burying trick with, and which gets me abused for saying I prefer it to the later one.
Funner fact: Peter Cushing played Darcy in the 1952 BBC adaptation and I’m pretty sure I’d prefer that one, too.
#12 by KeithA on August 24, 2011 - 10:12 am
Quote
As a former resident of the Sunshine State, I am ashamed that I missed this news and ecstatic that something this stupid happened.
#13 by Jen S on August 24, 2011 - 1:50 pm
Quote
Soooo…. those Boston Mountains, are they part of the chain that also forms the Greater Houston Mountians?
I saw it on Heroes! It must be true!
#14 by KeithA on August 24, 2011 - 2:27 pm
Quote
They’re the geological reason Kentucky is an arid desert full of cactuses and mesas, as seen in the GI Joe cartoon episode “Battle for the Train of Gold”
#15 by lyzard on August 24, 2011 - 4:21 pm
Quote
And I believe they’re also connected to the mountain range just outside of Chicago, as seen in Beginning Of The End.
#16 by RogerBW on August 24, 2011 - 6:59 pm
Quote
Is there perhaps a connection to the LA subway system? (Volcano, 2012.)
#17 by Naomi on August 24, 2011 - 10:21 pm
Quote
Yes, they’re all linked by a huge set of interconnecting channels that look exactly like Bronson Canyon (but totally aren’t).
#18 by KeithA on August 25, 2011 - 10:02 am
Quote
I’m definitely going to use “the only cartoon filmed entirely in Bronson Canyon” some day…
#19 by Read MacGuirtose on August 25, 2011 - 2:16 pm
Quote
I’m curious, since I haven’t seen either of those movies… what’s wrong with the depiction of the L.A. subway system in them? L.A. does have a subway, of course (though I guess maybe with only a couple of lines it barely qualifies as a “system”); did those movies present it as being much more extensive than it actually is?
#20 by RogerBW on August 25, 2011 - 3:03 pm
Quote
The earth round there isn’t exactly subway-friendly – they had to be ridiculously careful in choosing where to drill, so that they wouldn’t get random sinkholes popping up all over the place (even then, one opened up during construction), and they’re very shallow lines by the standards of the rest of the world – not at all as they tend to be depicted in film.
#21 by Read MacGuirtose on August 25, 2011 - 6:42 pm
Quote
I know how the subway in L.A. is; I took it almost daily for years. I was just curious how it’s depicted in film that differs from reality. Visually, it’s not really that obviously different from subways elsewhere, so I was curious what it was that the movies you mentioned got wrong about it. (It seems especially odd they’d get the subways in L.A. wrong when they presumably could have just filmed in the actual subways.)
#22 by Read MacGuirtose on August 25, 2011 - 6:56 pm
Quote
Hm, OK, found a trailer online for Volcano that shows some subway scenes, and… I’m not seeing what’s inaccurate about the depiction there. (Well, other than the fact that the tunnel is filling with lava.) In fact, this shot looks like it was filmed in the actual subway — that’s the Vermont/Beverly station, if I’m not mistaken.
#23 by Read MacGuirtose on August 25, 2011 - 7:11 pm
Quote
(Oops… I think I may have accidentally posted this comment in the wrong place first… moderators, if you find another copy of this comment, feel free to delete it.)
On second thought, comparing it to some photos of the real stations online, I don’t think it’s the Vermont/Beverly station after all — even if the shot might be framed so you don’t see the odd faux-rock texture of the roof, the floor doesn’t quite match (and the double row of lights doesn’t match the single row in the real station). It’s also pretty close to the Vermont/Sunset station, but with the same discrepancies. Now I’m thinking they didn’t film on location in the real subway after all, but still, it seems to me their set got pretty close to the look of the actual stations. I’m still not seeing what’s so glaringly inaccurate about the depiction.
#24 by Read MacGuirtose on August 25, 2011 - 7:23 pm
Quote
(Sorry for making so many comments in a row; I’ll shut up after this one, I promise.)
No, here we go; found it. Pretty sure that was filmed at the MacArthur Park station — the floor pattern matches and everything. I didn’t recognize it because I rarely got on or off at that station; didn’t happen to be in a place I ever had much reason to go to.
So… yeah, it seems to me at least from what I could see in the trailer the depiction of the L.A. subway system in Volcano was pretty much on the money (except, again, for the whole filling with lava thing). Maybe there’s some laughably inaccurate depiction of the subway that wasn’t in the trailer, but I sort of wonder if you might just have a mistaken idea about how the L.A. subways actually look.
#25 by RogerBW on August 26, 2011 - 2:19 am
Quote
I may have over-reacted; the impression I got from the film was that these were meant to be deep subway stations like the ones in other cities, not barely below street level. (In 2012, the subway train that’s seen during the destruction of LA is clearly a few hundred feet below ground.)
#26 by Braineater on August 26, 2011 - 6:31 am
Quote
So was that really hot lava, or just the sweet green icing flowing down?
#27 by Naomi on August 25, 2011 - 7:05 pm
Quote
I haven’t seen 2012 either. In Volcano, it’s hard to say how extensive the subway system is supposed to be; a substantial part of the movie takes place underground, but a lot of it involves sewer pipes and utility access tunnels, iirc. If it’s a factual error, it’s one of the smallest ones in the movie.
#28 by Dave T on August 24, 2011 - 6:31 pm
Quote
I knew about the Cushing version, though I haven’t seen it. Not being an Austen fan I tend to avoid any or all adaptations. My stepmum loves them – there’s an alternate universe where it’s still Christmas day 1995 and I’m still being forced to watch the entire Colin Firth version on video.
#29 by lyzard on August 25, 2011 - 12:12 am
Quote
I have no general objection, but I am rather tired of having that version shoved down my throat. But I do seriously think the earlier one was a better adaptation.
#30 by Dave T on August 25, 2011 - 1:00 am
Quote
I did quite enjoy the Greer Garson/Laurence Olivier version, because hey, Laurence Olivier.
#31 by Read MacGuirtose on August 25, 2011 - 7:07 pm
Quote
On second thought, comparing it to some photos online, I don’t think it’s the Vermont/Beverly station after all — even if the shot might be framed so you don’t see the odd faux-rock texture of the roof, the floor doesn’t quite match (and the double row of lights doesn’t match the single row in the real station). It’s also pretty close to the Vermont/Sunset station, but with the same discrepancies. Now I’m thinking they didn’t film on location in the real subway after all, but still, it seems to me pretty close to the look of the actual stations.
#32 by KeithA on August 26, 2011 - 10:16 am
Quote
All right folks, let’s save it for a review of Predator 2
#33 by The Rev. on September 19, 2011 - 8:34 pm
Quote
I’m gearing up to watch this whole thing on YouTube tomorrow, but I couldn’t resist going to the mugging/burger scene tonight.
I’m at a loss to explain why it has tickled me so. I just know that it has.