Behold– an unprecedented THREE roundtables in a single post! (Mind you, the reason it’s unprecedented is because nobody was ever this late with their damn reviews before…)

 

The Cabin in the Woods (2009/2012), in which despte all appearances to the contrary, it isn’t Spam in that cabin– which, for that matter, isn’t strictly speaking a cabin, either…

The Fellowship of the Frog (1959), in which the masked arch-criminal could perhaps have chosen a slightly scarier theme for his supervillain identity…

The H-Man (1958), in which the “H” is analogous to the one in ”H-bomb,” but that’s kind of beside the point…

Hercules and the Princess of Troy (1965), which represents the only time Joseph E. Levine failed to make a fortune on Hercules…

The Hunger Games (2012), in which you all probably know more than I do anyway…

John Carter (2012), in which an ex-Confederate cavalry captain runs eight zillion green guys through with a sword, fights a giant four-armed gorilla, and blows up a bunch of totally boss airships, and yet somehow nobody cares…

The Mad Executioners (1963), in which there’s a secret, underground murder tribunal, an imposter secret, underground murder tribunal, and an ersatz Jack the Ripper, and the whole mess almost makes sense even so…

Shark Attack (1999), in which no one would give a crap about yet another bad, intermittently boring Jaws ripoff, had it not been also the movie that turned the Sci-Fi Channel into the Bad, Intermittently Boring Jaws Ripoff Channel…

The Slayer (1981), which subjects the Spam-in-a-Cabin premise to almost as much distortion as The Cabin in the Woods…

and…

Species (1995), in which Sir Ben Kingsley sees the face of his future, but doesn’t realize it yet.