Complete with about as much historical plausibility as the real thing– but considerably fewer mead and turkey-leg concessions, unfortunately.

 

Excalibur (1981), in which John Boorman’s usual approach of smoking half his weight in loco weed before calling “ACTION!” yields respectable results for once…

Flesh & Blood (1985), in which the Medieval landscape is heavily slathered in both of those things…

Hawk the Slayer (1980), in which Terry Marcel proves that the English can make sword-and-sorcery movies every bit as dumb as the Italians’…

Hearts and Armour (1983), in which Giacomo Battiato makes a strong bid to raise the bar on Marcel…

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2006), in which Uwe Boll raises it even further…

In the Name of the King: Two Worlds (2011), in which Boll’s license-grantors take their toys and go home…

and…

Tales of an Ancient Empire (2012), in which Albert Pyun settles the “Who can make the dumbest sword-and-sorcery movie?” argument once and for all.

 
 
 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.


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