I should have seen this « The B-Masters Cabal

I should have seen this

Why haven’t I seen this?

IT EATS A HELICOPTER.

Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!

This entry was posted on October 15, 2014, 8:09 pm and is filed under Movies In General. You can follow any responses to this entry through RSS 2.0. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

27 Comments

#1 by The Rev. on October 16, 2014 - 9:44 am

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For a moment I thought you’d reviewed this and was wondering what the hell was going on, since the Asylum isn’t in your reviewing wheelhouse (at least up to this point). I am surprised you haven’t at least watched it, though.

There are a few brief, glorious moments like the helicopter (the opening scene is a scream), but overall it’s your typical Asylum movie, which means it’s not that great. It must not have been completely dull, though, since I barely remember it outside of the whale destroying things. Not like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, which I distinctly remember boring the crap out of me for way too long. Anyway, it’s not utterly terrible, but you’re not missing much; and since you’re likely uninterested in Renee O’Connor running around in a bikini top, you’ll have less to hold your attention than I did.
#2 by lyzard on October 16, 2014 - 5:38 pm

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But…but… The whale! The helicopter! It works on so many levels!!

Yes, that’s pretty much what I would expect, although when I came across it yesterday (looking for one thing and finding something entirely other, as you do) I had such an extreme, “WHY am I only hearing about this NOW!?” response that, well, here we are.

There are so many of these damn things out there now I’ve given up the quest to stay up-to-date, although I’ve seen at least snippets of most. This particular example, however, has apparently made it to neither of our iterations of Syfy or the Universal Channel, the main local refuges for The Asylum and its ilk.
#3 by The Rev. on October 16, 2014 - 9:10 pm

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I understand falling behind; I got rid of cable earlier this year, and outside of the 2nd Sharknado movie (which I actually mourned missing the premiere of, such is my sickness) I mostly have no idea what they’ve all been up to. I caught Big Ass Spider!, at least.

Anyway, I saw 2010: Moby Dick on its Siffy premiere, and I think I posted a short review over at the BMMB (miss you over there, by the by). Oh, hey, I did!

http://www.badmoviezone.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=6313&p=157173&hilit=moby+dick#p157173

I appear to have enjoyed it more than I remembered. Astoundingly, I compared the ending to Megapirahna, which I adore without shame, and yet I don’t remember a damn thing about said ending.

That means I’m gonna have to watch it again, isn’t it?
#4 by lyzard on October 16, 2014 - 9:55 pm

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Oh, groan, don’t rub it in: the BMMB is yet another casualty of the frightening contraction of hours in a day, combined with my eyeballs’ ongoing rebellion against more computer time when I get home from work.

That means I’m gonna have to watch it again

Well, DUH.
#5 by The Rev. on October 16, 2014 - 10:30 pm

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Aww, I’m sorry. I certainly didn’t mean to rub anything in. There’s just not enough Lyz to go around, is all. Where are those clones of you already?

Are you still having that frightful worsening of your eyes, or is this just more of a normal strain from looking at computers a lot during the day? I do hope it’s the latter.

Now I want to try and set up a mutual viewing of this thing, like Keith and some others did with Magic Lizard a couple of years ago. I’m sure it’d be a cinch! 🙂

Completely unrelated: “That means I’m gonna have to watch it again, isn’t it?” I am ashamed of such horrible grammar.
#6 by lyzard on October 16, 2014 - 10:54 pm

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I don’t even have time for cloning…*sniff*…

I’ve belatedly developed an artificial light sensitivity that basically means that the usual eyestrain problems (dry eye, tiredness, headache) are exacerbated. So I do very little home computer stuff on weeknights, which has put a serious crimp in my writing time.

A Moby Dick Tweetalong!? I suspect that time zone differences might make that a tad awkward, though we could try a distance group viewing like Ken and his minions used to do.

I am ashamed of such horrible grammar.

Well, I did try to avert my gaze politely…
- #7 by The Rev. on October 17, 2014 - 9:53 am
  
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  Do you at least have time to check on your remote-controlled zombies?
  
  Man, you just can’t catch a break with those eyes of yours, can you? Damn your eyes!
  
  Re: Mutual viewing: Yeah, hence my joking about it being a cinch. I’d be happy to open a Twitter account and stay up until the wee hours for a chance to live riff something with our resident mad scientist, though.
  
  A distance group viewing could be fun. I never had a chance to do one of Ken’s; I think I found his site before he did those, but if so I wasn’t part of the cool kids’ club at that point. I kind of wish he’d do one again sometime, now that I could be a part of it.
#8 by supersonic man on October 17, 2014 - 4:14 am

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Dry eye plus headache? My partner has that, and you know what works for her? When conventional eyedrops are too wimpy for the job, the topical remedy that keeps things smooth and comfy all day or all night is… castor oil.

She’s a migraine sufferer who went undiagnosed for a oong time, and your sensitivity sounds a lot more similar than I expected. (I’m beginning to think “migraine” is a syndrome with no coear definition or boundaries, which means approaches based on people’s migraine strategies may be more widely useful than one might think.) What has helped her is various muscle relaxant strategies, and for emergency headache stopping, a barbituate-based drug called fiorinal.
- #9 by lyzard on October 19, 2014 - 6:39 pm
  
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  Ugh, sorry to hear about your partner’s issues! Since I managed to rearrange my workstation so that natural light dominates over artificial, the headaches have been much less of an issue, thank goodness. Mostly the main after-effect is just sheer tiredness: I want to do all sorts of things when I get home but scarily often it devolves into dozing on the couch (“just resting my eyes”, you know…)
#10 by RogerBW on October 17, 2014 - 11:31 am

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I’ve been in a couple of world-wide viewings of Star Wars films arranged by the Darths and Droids guys: everyone got hold of their own copies of the film, we commented on IRC, and it worked pretty well. (Their main guy is in Australia.) The only hard bit was staying in sync, but the discussion leader posted dialogue every so often so that we could adjust for international frame rates and so on.

(I have an IRC server I could lend for the purpose, but I think there are still open ones.)

Lyz: sympathies!
- #11 by lyzard on October 19, 2014 - 6:42 pm
  
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  Thanks!
  
  Yes, that’s another idea…although I keep getting the feeling that the more effort we put into setting something up and getting people involved, the more dismally inadequate the film will turn out to be. (Still…whale eats helicopter…)
  - #12 by B. Wood on October 20, 2014 - 5:36 pm
    
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    It occurs to me that there is a logical outcome to the whale eating a helicopter that sadly the filmmakers probably didn’t consider. If I may…
    -Sperm Whales produce Ambergris when their digestive track is irritated by squid beaks.
    -A helicopter should, in theory be even more irritating, and is definitively larger than a squid beak.
    -Ambergris is worth a great deal of money.
    -Therefore the whale should by the end of the movie vomit up a massive lump of ambergris surrounding the remains of the helicopter.
    -The movies surviving protagonists could then sell the ambergris for massive amounts of money just in time for the happy ending.
    - #13 by lyzard on October 20, 2014 - 6:19 pm
      
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      True, nothing says “happy ending” like a massive vomiting attack.
      
      As long as the whale then swims away in good health, I’m all for it!
#14 by B. Wood on October 17, 2014 - 10:13 pm

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What does it say about me that I look at that picture and I think “Wait the whale’s head is wrong. A Sperm Whale, or Cachalot has a very squared head. And the porportions to the body seem off too.”

Now from what I understand the big problem for MegaShark vs Giant Octopus is it didn’t have enough Megashark and Giant Octopus. Not like Sharknado, where you always knew it was a movie about a Sharknado.
- #15 by The Rev. on October 18, 2014 - 11:20 am
  
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  Whatever it is, it says something similar about me, since my first thought was, “Wait, sperm whales don’t have teeth like that in their upper jaw.”
  
  You are correct re: MSvGO. They fixed that problem in the sequel with Crocosaurus, and I was pleasantly surprised with it as a whole. I’m not saying it was great, but I enjoyed it more than the first one by a fair margin. I haven’t seen the third one with Mecha Shark, but it sounds like it goes back to the same problem of not enough monster stuff, particularly between the two title monsters. And yes, Sharknado never let you forget its premise. Hopefully the sequel did the same.
  
  Speaking of which, time to once again see if it’s finally up on Netflix or something. At least I know the killer lamprey movie (and about damn time, too) Blood Lake is finally there if I don’t find it.
  - #16 by lyzard on October 19, 2014 - 6:44 pm
    
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    Aww…lampreys-ies! 😀
    
    And yes, Sharknado never let you forget its premise.
    
    We ask so very little of these films, it’s depressing how few of them deliver it…
    - #17 by blake on October 20, 2014 - 9:31 am
      
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      Sharknado 2 is absolutely insane in the dumbest, most idiotic, and consequently the best possible way.
      
      I watched MSvs.Crocosaurus, and aside from Steve Urkel doing his damndest to turn in a sincere performance, the film just really sucked.
      - #18 by The Rev. on October 20, 2014 - 3:23 pm
        
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        Blake: Oooo, I’m really looking forward to Sharknado 2 now…
        
        Sorry you felt that way about MSvC. It may have helped that I went in with such low expectations after the first one (which beggars the question of why I watched it), but I had a good time. It also helps that I’m the type of person that loved Megapiranha; this movie was of a piece with that one in terms of sheer retarded splendor. And yes, having someone that could actually act did not hurt it. I also found Sarah Lieving enjoyable; however, part of that was coming from the fact that, quite inadvertantly, it was the third movie in a row that I’d seen her in. I was fascinated by how she was basically playing the same character (ballsy bad-ass) in them, but despite that she entertained me every time (excepting the couple of times she tried to emote).
        
        Long story short, I enjoyed it, I can’t really defend it, and that’s about all there is to it. 😀
        
        Lyz: I damn near did a spit take all over my computer upon reading your first line. I’m sure you’ll be disappointed that I managed to contain myself. 😉
        
        Man, lampreys are about the only animal (along with centipedes) that I don’t think I’d coo over. (This may change once I watch the movie, which I didn’t get to this weekend due to some Internet connection issues.)
        
        It truly is a sad commentary on these movies. I’m so easy; I just want monsters rampaging (since I go in assuming everything else will suck); unless the effects are truly abysmal, I will be entertained. It’s astonishing to me how often I don’t even get that, or get it in way-too-small doses.
      - #19 by The Rev. on October 22, 2014 - 3:04 pm
        
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        And sure enough, I found the Blood Lake lampreys rather cute. I think it was their big, yellow eyes, that were kind of puppy-dog like. They looked so innocent…right before they latched on and the feeding began, anyway.
        
        Speaking of which, I’m recommending it. It’s not nearly as stupid as you’d think; in fact, it’s actually pretty good. Although it’s mostly CG, we do get some prop lampreys (and any scene with rubber critters being tossed at screaming actors is always going to be a point in a movie’s favor). There’s some good acting, which was a nice change of pace. As a hardened gorehound, there’s a scene that delighted me by getting an honest “Eeeeewwwww!!!” out of me. It may not be saying much nowadays, but if you gave them enough money to improve the effects, this would easily have been good enough for a theatrical release. I have to say, the scariest thing about the whole experience is the realization that the Asylum can actually put out a competent movie. It has happened before (well, exactly once before), but it’s still unnerving.
        
        I don’t know if Lyz has really delved into the Asylum’s offerings, but I have a feeling she’d like this one. If nothing else, I’m sure she’d be cooing at the lampreys at some point.
        
        Which makes me happy to think about. 🙂
#20 by B. Wood on October 20, 2014 - 5:27 pm

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I would just like to say that Centipedes scare me. It’s the way they move, it just creeps me the hell out.
- #21 by lyzard on October 20, 2014 - 6:18 pm
  
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  Now, I know I’ve said “centipedes-ies” before! 🙂
- #22 by The Rev. on October 20, 2014 - 6:49 pm
  
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  It’s not just me, then.
  
  They’re the one critter that really gets under my skin (thankfully not literally); no other animal hits my reptilian brain the way they do. I agree about the movement; those waves of long legs look utterly wrong to me. I’d go as far to say that I was rather phobic of them when I was younger; thankfully I’ve gotten better with age, in that I no longer grab the nearest blunt object and pound them into oblivion on sight (possibly whilst yelling incoherently).
  
  Millipedes, however, do not disturb me at all, despite having more legs; in fact, I have fond memories of letting a giant African one crawl around on my hand years ago.
#23 by blake on October 20, 2014 - 10:50 pm

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In the past year, I’ve seen no fewer than six low-budget shark movies, including both SHARKNADO films. SHARKNADO 2 and MALIBU SHARK ATTACK were my favorites. The former’s energy is so infectious that you can’t help but like it. MSA was actually trying to be a legitimately suspenseful thriller with reasonably likable characters, despite the CGI that belonged in a Barbie mermaid cartoon.
- #24 by The Rev. on October 21, 2014 - 11:06 am
  
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  I did a shark movie binge last year. MSA was okay; I did like the use of goblin sharks. Super Shark was better than I expected; I probably liked it a little better than MSA. Sand Sharks was awful. Two-Headed Shark Attack was really stupid, but entertaining more often than not. One surprise was Jersey Shore Shark Attack, which I really had a good time with. It was a lot better than it had any right to be. The big one was Ghost Shark, which is currently one of my favorite shark movies. Not in a “LOL SO DUMB” way, either; I legitimately liked it. I’d love to read what El Santo or Lyz thought of it. I’d be happy to see any B-Master’s thoughts on it, but El Santo is the one most likely to watch something like that, and Lyz loves sharkies and would probably enjoy one getting lots of chompy vengeance on humans from beyond the grave.
  - #25 by blake on October 22, 2014 - 7:41 pm
    
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    Two-Headed Shark Attack could’ve been great, but the “death of the threesome” sequence was so retarded and illogical (even by the standards of a film that has a two-headed shark) that it took me out of the movie.
#26 by lyzard on October 22, 2014 - 6:16 pm

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I’ve seen bits of Ghost Shark and wasn’t overly impressed, though probably I was just baulking at the whole, you know, “ghost shark” thing. 🙂

But if you recommend it, I’ll take a proper look sometime.

And yeah, Malibu Shark Attack had me at “goblin shark”.

any scene with rubber critters being tossed at screaming actors is always going to be a point in a movie’s favour

Rubber monsters?? HELL, YEAH!!!!

I’ve seen a lot of The Asylum’s stuff but haven’t got around to reviewing any of it. The “in order” gene tends to interfere, or at least, that’s the excuse I’m going with.
- #27 by The Rev. on October 23, 2014 - 10:13 am
  
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  Ghost Shark and Blood Lake both hooked me by taking their goofy premises and playing them pretty straight. The only time things get gleefully silly are during some of the attacks (more so in the former than the latter). Also in both movies, once people see the respective monsters in action, they don’t keep stubbornly disbelieving but accept that something insane is going on. (The exceptions are both obviously doing so purposely…unsurprisingly, both of them are the towns’ mayors, although one of them does eventually get to the point where they can no longer deny it…which makes sense since he’s practically Vaughn reborn.) They’re not flawless; both have continuity and consistency problems (BL has more, albeit fairly benign; Ghost Shark has two egregious ones that actually made me upset with the movie, because so much was being done right) and typically poor computer effects. I can in no way say that anyone else would agree with me on their quality, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
  
  Bear in mind, the CG lampreys dominate the film; the props are mostly for when people are struggling with a single one latched on somewhere. But yes, there is one glorious moment when rubber lampreys are “leaping” through an open truck window.
  
  Yeah, they also had me at “goblin shark.” I just wish they’d done a better job of it.
  
  I wasn’t sure if you watched a lot of their product, even though they make a lot of killer whatsit movies that would seem to be a beacon for you (as they are for me, usually to my regret).

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I should have seen this

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