This one spiraled so far out of control that its sheer size kept deterring me from putting it up:  “Nah, that’s too much work for today.  I’ll do it tomorrow.” [Repeat like two dozen times]  Frigging Netflix kept pulling stuff from my queue, so I had to keep dropping what I set out to review to add another unplanned film!  But now, at last:

 

Attack the Block (2011), in which hooligans have to become heroes, lest space monsters take over their apartment building…

The Bloody Judge (1970), in which Christopher Lee pretends to take a break from horror by portraying one of the major villains of British history…

Dr. Orloff’s Monster (1964), in which underperforming Frankenstein monsters can still be useful for cleaning up one’s romantic messes…

The Ecstasies of Women (1969), in which a long-lost Herschell Gordon Lewis skin flick turns out to be not remotely worth the wait…

The Empire Strikes Back (1980), in which George Lucas goes to Dagobah to study retcon fu…

Fantomas: In the Shadow of the Guillotine (1913), in which the first cinematic take on the celebrated proto-Krimi antihero turns out to be all anti and no hero…

Juve Against Fantomas (1913), in which the best part is also the worst part, as Fantomas employs a trained python to do his dirty work…

The Murderous Corpse (1913), in which the series takes a much-needed turn for the grisly…

Fantomas Against Fantomas (1914), in which it acquires a sense of humor…

The False Magistrate (1914), in which Fantomas goes out on a curiously realistic note…

Fear City (1984), or as I’ve come to think of it, Abel Ferrara’s M

Georges Melies Trick Films (1900), in which I disappoint those of you who were hoping I was about to resume my battle against the Witchcraft franchise instead…

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1977), which could frankly use a demented Marlon Brando with an inexplicable pet midget…

Prince of Darkness (1987), in which John Carpenter channels both Nigel Kneale and H. P. Lovecraft in ways that are still disappointing after all this time…

Surf Nazis Must Die (1986), in which the Fuehrers of the New Beach tangle with the wrong old lady…

and…

Trader Hornee (1970), a sex comedy for which “limp” is by far the best word.

 
 
 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.


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