If I’m going to be this long in coming, I can at least have the decency to bring a whole crapload of reviews with me, right?ย  First the roundtables…

 

Here’s the Bad Place, which I’ve perverted into an examination of gothic romance:

Crimson Peak (2015), in which the house is full of ghosts, but they’re the least of anyone’s problems…

Dragonwyck (1946), in which you’ll know the girl is in trouble when her charming rich relative turns out to be Vincent Price…

The Maze (1953), in which the gothic and the Lovecraftian meet…

and…

Rebecca (1940), which, so far as the movies are concerned, is kind of the start of the whole thing.

 

And here’s Dino De Laurentiis (or at least a downpayment on him):

Hannibal (2001), in which De Laurentiis and Thomas Harris foolishly turn Hannibal Lecter into a franchise character…

and…

Mandingo (1975), in which Dino convinces Paramount Pictures to help him impersonate Franco Prosperi and Gualtiero Jacopetti.

 

Finally, here’s everything else:

Americathon (1979), in which the White House launches a telethon to keep the USA in business…

Cobra (1986), in which crime is a disease, but Golan and Globus have found the cure…

Hercules (1983), in which Luigi Cozzi splits the difference between cashing in on Conan and cashing in on Star Wars

The Adventures of Hercules (1984), in which he does it again…

Midnight Special (2016), or Close Encounters on Witch Mountain with D.A.R.Y.L. the Extraterrestrial

Moon Zero Two (1969), in which Hammer gets an early start on their notorious 70’s out-of-touch-ness by offering a boring space Western in riposte to 2001.

and…

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015), which was almost worth suffering through the prequels.

 
 
 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.


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