When “Were-WHAT?” came up as the next B-Masters roundtable topic, my immediate reaction was, “Oh, no…” Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fun topic. But off-model lycanthropy is so much fun that it’s been one of my go-to subgenres for eighteen years. I’ve done were-cats; I’ve done were-snakes; I’ve done were-bugs. The whole cabal did were-jellyfish in 2009. I’ve even done a were-Gorgon, plus that one movie where Raymond Burr thinks he’s a were-gorilla. So it was a real challenge to come up with a were-whatsit weird enough to be worthy of the present undertaking. I think you’ll agree, though, that a vampiric were-reindeer amply fits the bill. And as is my wont, I reviewed a bunch of other stuff, too:
Alligator (1980), in which dumping unwanted baby alligators and hormone-contaminated dog carcasses into the same sewer is a stupid thing to do…
Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb (1971), in which storing the preserved body of an ancient sorceress in your basement isn’t a whole lot smarter…
Carmilla (1989), in which taking on a teenage vampire as a houseguest might be the dumbest thing of all…
Deadly Games (1980), in which a slasher tears through the setting of a 70’s prime-time soap opera that never was…
The Flesh and the Fiends (1959), in which those anatomy class cadavers have to come from somewhere…
Halloween II (1981), in which the Boogeyman gets demoted…
The Phantom (1931), in which a bunch of weary old Spooky House cliches go on an insane Xanax-and-Thunderbird bender, and wind up passed out under your back porch…
and…
The Velvet Vampire (1971), in which the director of The Student Nurses practices her Jean Rollin impression.
#1 by The Rev. on November 28, 2018 - 3:42 pm
Quote
Okay, did anyone else expect a “vampiric were-reindeer” movie to have been made within the last decade and of a piece with Zombeavers or one of those killer Easter Bunny movies or something? Instead, we’re presented with something I’m quite eager to see. There are a couple of others here I’ll have to add to The List, as well.
On a different note: I’m curious what El Santo considers the best killer crocodilian movie, if Alligator is merely “among the best of the lot.” The only reasonable competitor I can think of is Rogue, but you gave Primeval the same score as Alligator, so I suppose that’s a possibility? Maybe Black Water? I actually haven’t seen it (or Primeval, for that matter), but the people I know who’ve seen both have told me Rogue was the better of the two.
#2 by El Santo on November 28, 2018 - 4:51 pm
Quote
A little from Column A, a little from Column B. I haven’t seen Rogue yet, but I’ve heard enough praise for it to know that its mere existence is sufficient cause not to hand some other film the “Best Killer Crocodilian Movie” crown prematurely. I would rate Primeval‘s claim to the title as comparable to Alligator‘s, however.
#3 by Ken on December 1, 2018 - 11:52 am
Quote
Do you archive the “Next time” from your front page? Once in a while I remember to save it, then after the update see if I guessed correctly.
I find I can’t work reliably backward from the movies – for example, Carmilla this time has me thinking “did he say something about lesbian vampires?”
#4 by El Santo on December 2, 2018 - 12:53 am
Quote
I don’t archive them, but I do usually remember what the last one was. In this case…
Sexy mummies = Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb
Sexier vampires = The Velvet Vampire
Rotten houseguests = Carmilla
Poor pet-management decisions = Alligator
#5 by Chentzilla on December 7, 2018 - 3:26 pm
Quote
Comment…
#6 by maggiesmith on September 16, 2022 - 10:41 am
Quote
The first victim in Alligator is sewer worker Edward Norton. Anyone old enough to remember The Honeymooners knows that was the name of Ralph Kramden’s sewer worker BFF, played by Art Carney.