Archive for category New Reviews

Italian cavemen make war, not love

IronmasterDespite being full of issues, Ironmaster remains a strangely watchable take on a pre-spaghetti world.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

This soldier is A.W.O.L. – Always wooden or lethargic

The SoldierIt tries to be a gritty Cold War thriller, but The Soldier mostly just ends up leaving you cold.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

The final word on slasher spoofs

The Final GirlsJust when you think the slasher genre has been spoofed to death, The Final Girls shows up and proves there is still potent comic blood in those veins.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

My First Visits to Normal Theaters for 2024

Another theater-heavy update for what’s shaping up to be a theater-heavy year, this time including reviews of a couple first-run films along with one last B-Fest straggler and something I caught in revival:

 

Delicatessen (1991), in which some French eccentrics see the funny side to the end of the world…

Demonic Toys (1992), in which one of Hell’s less competent devils tried to incarnate himself, but got stuck haunting a toy warehouse instead…

Dirty Ho (1979), in which a tricky prince blackmails a thief into becoming his bodyguard…

Dune, Part Two (2024), in which a messiah is the last thing you want running loose on your planet, even if you don’t belong to a clan of colonizing tyrants…

The Five Deadly Venoms (1978), in which murder mysteries play very differently when they’re resolved by frenetic kung fu fights…

and…

Immaculate (2024), in which forcing a woman to carry a clone of Jesus is just as much a dick move as forcing her to mother the Antichrist.

 

 

 El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.

…watching this movie

It Ain't EasyLance Henriksen’s first real screen role was in the drama It Ain’t Easy (a.k.a. WINNIPEG RUN) – and it was the movie’s lead role.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Pasta suprema

The MercenaryIn some ways, the very entertaining The Mercenary could be called the quintessential spaghetti western.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Not a flatliner… but its beat is sometimes irregular

PulseWhile Pulse is a well-produced horror movie with a unique menace, it’s not always successful in delivering the essential goods.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

B-Fest Roundup, 2024

I didn’t quite get everything written that I wanted to, so there’ll be one last film from this year’s B-Fest reviewed in the next update, but I came pretty close:

 

Arcade (1993), in which you should always make sure the human brain tissue you’re harvesting to power the processor of your cutting-edge virtual reality game didn’t come from a child who was abused to death, lest the kid’s spirit reassert itself as Nintendo Power Freddy Krueger…

The Chilling (1989), in which a cryonics lab really ought to produce a higher class of zombies than these…

Hard Rock Zombies (1984), in which these zombies, on the other hand, are exactly the ones you’d expect to arise when a necromantic spell is cast over the graves of a slain cock-rock band…

Hot Potato (1975), in which we all deserved so much more from a sequel to Black Belt Jones

Runaway (1984), in which the cops in charge of dealing with malfunctioning robots find themselves confronting droids that have been deliberately programmed for crime instead…

and…

She-Devils on Wheels (1968), in which Herschell Gordon Lewis can make a biker movie every bit as awful as his worst gore or soft-porn flicks.

 

 

 El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.

Haaaawwwwkkkk-ptu!

Shadow Of The HawkJan-Michael Vincent and Chief Dan George battle an evil spirit in the Canadian horror film Shadow Of The Hawk, but the film has no spirit, if you get me.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

“Mr. Big” makes something insignificant

The Boy And The PiratesThe legendary Bert I. Gordon made many beloved cult classics, but The Boy And The Pirates has been almost totally forgotten – for good reasons.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.