Archive for category New Reviews

These kings have porcelain thrones

Kings And Desperate MenThe little seen Kings And Desperate Men is one of the worst examples of Canadian tax shelter product.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Don’t read this review

… unless you’ve either seen The Turning (2020) already, or you’re so bored with self-quarantine, curfew, and Social Distancing that you just don’t care. Really, you shouldn’t care… The Turning isn’t all that good. But if you want to wait, and see for yourself what prompted groans of outrage from both critics and audiences when the movie was first released, then do NOT read this review. The reader is warned.

The TurningIf you have seen it, then you probably have a good idea why I wanted to write a review full of spoilers. There’s so much about The Turning that almost works that I felt we all had to be missing something: some explanation for why… certain things… turned out the way they did. I think I found that explanation. Meta-spoiler alert: the explanation isn’t necessarily a good one. In fact, it’s kind-of a mess. But a lot about The Turning turned out to be a mess. Take the screen shot I’m using to illustrate this post — it’s one of the most vivid images from the movie’s trailer. But the trailer’s the only place you’ll see it: it never made it to the finished film. In fact, it doesn’t even remotely belong in the finished film. Yes, The Turning felt a lot more like The Screwing to those of us that suffered through it in theaters, but at least it has the distinction of being an interesting failure.

(Ahh, go on. Read it anyway.)

Will Laughlin is the Braineater.

Knows the right way to crash and burn

Wheels Of FireThe Filipino actioner Wheels Of Fire manages to be an above average example of 1980s post-holocaust cinema as well as an above average effort for prolific director Cirio H. Santiago.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Glad this didn’t give birth to a sequel

BreedersDespite its best efforts to be sleazy, Breeders is a cold and passionless exercise.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Sacre bleu, a funny French comedy!

Welcome To The SticksThe delightful comedy Welcome To The Sticks proves that the French do have a sense of humor after all.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Ye gods!

Goddess Of Love

It doesn’t take long into watching Goddess Of Love to figure out why Vanna White didn’t have much of an acting career.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

I Can’t Believe I Missed The “I Can’t Believe I Missed…” Roundtable

So, yeah; 2019. The Year of the Meat Grinder, apparently. I spent the last half of the year watching in despair as important deadlines went flying by, not least of which were my commitments to the Cabal. Bad enough that I disappeared for the last half of our Anniversary… I even missed commemorating my own site’s 20th Anniversary in November.

Thinking of which: twenty years ago, while the Braineater site was still getting started, there were a handful of movies I felt a compulsive need to comment on. Since my site was still embryonic, I created a user account on the IMDb — user name “barugon” — and opined. One of these movies was:

Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster (1971)

…and it’s bewildered me that in the last 20 years I never returned to that capsule review to expand it. It’s one of those movies for which I feel a special affinity, not just because it figured so significantly in my childhood, but also because I felt I understood it — which was important, considering the general incomprehension this truly bizarre movie inspires.

It’s always seemed to me that most of the arguments for or against the movie were missing the point. I wanted to step in and provide a little wider context: not necessarily to change anybody’s mind about the quality of the movie itself, but to show how Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster was really an inevitable, pivotal artifact of its troubled time. So, having missed my original deadline for the B-Masters’ “At Long Last!” Roundtable, I’ve taken a deep breath, done more research, watched the entire Criterion Collection Godzilla set (the release of which has to be one of 2019’s only redeeming features), and come up with what I hope is a new way of looking at the eleventh installment of the Godzilla saga.

Will Laughlin is the Braineater.

It sucks (must I always say something witty?)

The Norseman

Making The Norseman on a limited budget probably wasn’t the wisest move for a Viking-themed story.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

It’s a big dog, alright

Digby: The Biggest Dog In The World

The British movie Digby: The Biggest Dog In The World proves it was not just Disney that made dim-witted slapstick motion pictures for kiddies in the 1970s.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

…and he fell asleep quickly

A Stranger Is Watching

They had the ingredients to make a good thriller, but A Stranger Is Watching ends up being not worth watching.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.