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Still Alive

Sure, Teleport City has been moribund for years. And it’s replacement sites have not fared better. However, I’ve not been totally inactive during these long months. So here’s a bit of what’s going on:

  • Did I mention I wrote a book? And associated with that, there’s a new(ish) website that occasionally even gets new articles. Like this one, about a box set of obscure exotica music.
  • I’ve been writing regularly for Diabolique. Most recently, it’s been about Jean Harlow’s Red-Headed Woman and the goofball “old dark house” comedy The Crooked Circle. The bulk of my film writing these days will be there or is being held in reserve for a future book project. Or until such time as I get impatient and post it.
  • Teleport City is getting a refresh and reorg. Most content is currently offline for reformatting, but it will all be back as the summer progresses. Some content will disappear, but only because it has been improved, rewritten, and has a new home. But we’ll always point when pointin’ is needed.
  • And finally, as a personal quest this summer, I intend to go back and fill in the many…many…many Roundtables I’ve no-showed over the years. We’ll see how that goes.

Anyway, irons in the fire and all that.

Better than a Baltimore bullet

A Bullet For The GeneralThe spaghetti western A Bullet For The General is top-notch when it comes to standard ingredients like action, production values, and music. But it also throws in an interesting political edge. Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Someone just shoot me

The Baltimore BulletA real obscurity here… and for good reasons. The Baltimore Bullet is a complete waste of time despite its notable cast.Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

The only joy is in the title


I’d rather play Galaxian for 24 hours straight than watch any five minutes of Joysticks ever again.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Greek Tragedy


The idyllic Greek island of Mykonos, where Zeus once battled the Titans, has long been a sunny vacation paradise favored by, among other populations, gay and lesbian holiday-makers. Although swamped during the high summer months by A-listers too cool for the sweaty EDM and glow sticks (or maybe just cell phones now) scene of Ibiza, the island takes on a more subdued character once the last throng of bikini and Speedo clad celebs have migrated elsewhere for the fall, leaving behind an eclectic population of salty locals, Bohemians, and artists. It’s probably no accident that director Nico Mastorakis chose this welcoming island as the spot to unleash his duo of deranged sociopaths in Island of Death.
Keith Allison is the chief bacchanologist at MEZZANOTTE.

It’s a certain four-letter word

The Hard WordYou’ll have plenty of hard words to say if you are unlucky enough to watch the Australian heist movie The Hard Word.Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Ghost of Ghosts Past



A film that could have ended up nothing more than a Fulci pastiche rises above the label of “love letter to” and “throwback to” and succeeds on its own merits, delivering one of the best horror films we’ve had in a long time. Seances, creepy ghosts, possession, menacing locals, Barbara Crampton, gore, a house with a sinister past make for classic, old school horror scares.

Keith Allison is the chief bacchanologist at MEZZANOTTE.

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It turns out you CAN go home again….

Ah, were we ever so young?

I know what you’re thinking. What a timely review!! But sometimes you want to examine something obscure that no one’s ever heard of.

In this film, there’s a event that horrifies everyone who witnesses it, or even just hears about it. People then tell themselves it’s over and try to get on with their lives. But then, 15 years later, it happens again. I don’t know why, that just seems to speak to me right now.

It’s the scariest and most horrifying Michael Myers this side of the one in The Love Guru, as we learn what awaits the unwary on Halloween.

Ken Begg is the proprietor of Jabootu: The Bad Movie Dimension.

A Yahrzeit Candle for Tío Jess

Reviews for the Anniversary of Jess Franco's Death
Yahrzeit? OK, OK, so Jess Franco wasn’t Jewish. That’s OK: neither am I. Still, this is the one-year anniversary of his death, so in his honor I’m posting reviews from two of the last — how shall I put it? — unambiguously good years of his film-making life.

Miss Muerte/The Diabolical Dr. Z — often called Franco’s best film.

Cartes sur table/Attack of the Robots — Franco’s first movie with Eddie Constantine.
Residencia para Espías/Golden Horn — Franco’s last movie with Eddie Constantine, who really looks better in black & white.

Will Laughlin is the Braineater.


With 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting passing the ten-year milestone back in July, I decided to do something extra-stupid to celebrate.  I went and took on three of the most thoroughly discussed and dissected properties in all of science fiction:


Dr. Who and the Daleks (1965), in which the Doctor is an idiot, the Daleks are pushovers, and only the juvenilized Susan seems truly qualified to go adventuring through the most dangerous regions of time and space…

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979), in which motion is famously the thing that’s most sorely lacking…


Star Wars (1977), in which the Force– the energy field created by Peter Cushing, Alec Guinness, James Earl Jones, and a whole lot of immensely talented guys named “John”– truly was with George Lucas.


Also, I’ve got some less overreaching reviews, too:


Carnival Magic (1981), in which a tiger-tamer ain’t nothing next to a psychic with a talking chimp…

Pacific Rim (2013), in which HUGE FREAKING ROBOTS punch HUGE FREAKING MONSTERS in the face for two hours…

Phantasm (1979), in which funeral parlors are even creepier than you realized…


Wake in Fright (1971), in which Outback mining towns make for a truly unforgettable Christmas vacation.

 El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.