A hairball isn’t the worst thing your cat could cough up…

petsgonewild2

U88-mutant1b

 

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You want a warm and fuzzy critter in your pets-gone-wild film? You got it!

 

UNINVITED (1988)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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    You better watch out

    Don't Open Till ChristmasThe British slasher movie Don’t Open Till Christmas gets the violence part of the movie fairly well done, but precious little else.

    Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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      What? Its nose is cold!

      petsgonewild1

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      Hey, you’ve got your ideas about what constitutes “a pet”, and I have mine…

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      A80-ramon1

       

       

       

      ALLIGATOR (1980)

      In which the fact that there are indeed alligators living in the sewers is the least of anyone’s problems…

       

       

       

      [NB: Possibly NSFW – lots of blood and an imperfectly obscured boob.]

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      Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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        This film is a kite flying in a hurricane

        A new look for the website comes with a new review, one nearly as long and convoluted as the film it’s discussing.

        SPECTRE
        spectre16“It’s a fantastic, exhilarating pre-credit sequence. Had the rest of the film maintained this level of artistry, cleverness, and excitement — what happens during the hit mounts into an impressive action sequence involving a foot chase through the Day of the Dead parade, an out of control helicopter, and the complete destruction of at least one whole building — Spectre would have indeed cemented its position as one of the very best Bonds that Bond has to offer. Unfortunately, the remainder of the film’s obsession with mythology building and referencing previous films results in a tangled mess that, despite being over two hours in length, still feels like an hour of the film is missing.”

        Keith Allison is the ruthless overlord of Teleport City.


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          Tags: ,

          No killer pets this time, I’m afraid.

          Rather, this update is all about stuff I was about to lose from my Netflix streaming list.  Next time for sure, though.

           

          Dagmar’s Hot Pants, Inc. (1971), in which Copenhagen’s most responsible whore goes out of business…

          Dumplings (2004), in which Fruit Chan decides that fetus-eating as a home remedy for aging is a good enough premise to sustain an entire feature…

          Fascination (1979), in which Jean Rollin tosses bandits, a blood cult, and a scantily clad slasher into the blender, and rather surprisingly pulls out a fully coherent movie…

          The Mystery of the 13th Guest (1943), in which William Beaudine proves no better at spooky house mysteries than he was at mad science or Wild West vampires…

          Nightmares Come at Night (1970), in which something had better come sometime

          Orloff and the Invisible Man (1970), in which even Jesus Franco can be a target for rip-off artists…

          Sacred Flesh (1999), in which nunsploitation reenactor Nigel Wingrove simply will not… shut… up…

          and…

          The Wicker Tree (2011), in which Robin Hardy shows Neil LaBute what a crappy Wicker Man movie really looks like.

           
           
           

          El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.


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            No grazie, signore robot

            Hands Of SteelIt’s pretty obvious early on what American movie Hands Of Steel is trying to emulate, but the Italian filmmakers didn’t have the original movie’s budget… or the passion… or the clever ideas… or…

            Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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              31 Days of Horror

              Every October, I do the 31 Days of Horror/Halloween with the intention of chronicling my journey. And every year I never get around to it. But this year…THIS YEAR…things will be different!

              31 DAYS OF HORROR 2015, PT. 1
              babadook2“This year’s orgy of entertainment included a lot more recent horror films than I normally watch, but I figured it was time to return tot he genre I loved so much but felt exiled from by all the found footage and torture porn films. Turns out this year I went heavy on “lad meets monster girl” and “grief of a parent”. We also got in a lot of short stories, mostly by Robert E. Howard. And then I went to Ireland.”

              Keith Allison is the ruthless overlord of Teleport City.


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                Tags: , ,

                …and also the best kind of enemy

                petsgonewild2
                Man's Best FriendThe horror movie Man’s Best Friend is surprisingly fun, combining the expected horror moments with effective stabs of black humor.

                Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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                  Beware the cold nose of DEATH!!

                  Oh, Homo sapiens…just how stupid can you be?

                  Strange how tunnel-visioned people can be sometimes. No-one has any difficulty interpreting the horse-head scene in The Godfather; yet when their cat leaves a mouse’s head on the mat, they insist on calling it “a gift”. They hear all about missing persons cases, but never stop to wonder why their dog keeps digging holes in the garden.

                  You keep your friends close, they say, and your enemies even closer: a statement that has somehow come to encompass inviting those enemies into your house, running from shop to shop to find “their favourite”, sharing your bed with them, and going walkies in all weathers; all the while gushing about “unconditional love”.

                  Well, enough! This month, the B-Masters are making it their mission to expose these cuddly infiltrators – these adorable assassins – these killers in our midst who think they can get away with murder just because of their big eyes and their cold nose and their little whiskers and—and—aww, who’s a little sweetie? you’re a little sweetie, aren’t you? oh yes you are, you are! what, you want me to stand at the top of the staircase? okay, but I don’t see what y…………

                  petsgonewild2

                  It’s PETS GONE WILD – all through November at the B-Masters blog!

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                  Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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                    On your mark, get set, laugh

                    Off The MarkIt’s rare for a comedy to try and imitate the comic style of movies like Airplane!, Top Secret!, and The Naked Gun. Off The Mark is an even rarer example of one of these imitations being actually funny.

                    Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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