Be careful what you wish for

IT'S ALIVE! The B-Masters are Back from Beyond

DON72-maggots2b

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In honour of our resurrected blog, a resurrected review of a film about a resurrection:

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DEAD OF NIGHT (1972)

When Andy Brooks gets home from Vietnam, his family and friends can’t help but notice that he is somehow “different”.

They don’t know the half of it…

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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Gentlemen, we shouldn’t have rebuilt her

IT'S ALIVE! The B-Masters are Back from Beyond

Running DelilahThe ABC network must have really loved the bionic man and woman series they aired in the 1970s, since years later they whipped up the television movie Running Delilah. It’s more or less the same idea, but nowhere as fun as it was before.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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It’s a tasty confection

The Chocolate WarAlthough dessert is usually saved for last at the dinner table, The Chocolate War makes for a very satisfying cinematic meal.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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The First 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting Update of a New Year…

…including my contributions to the “Yay!  Our website works again!” roundtable:

Baffled! (1973), in which a perky and insistent occultist dragoons a psychic who doesn’t believe in psychics into investigating the weird goings-on at a sinister English manor house…

Castaway (1986), in which Oliver Reed isn’t Tom Hanks and Amanda Donohoe certainly isn’t a volleyball, but being stuck for a year on a desert island still sucks just as much, even when you deliberately set out to do so…

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013), in which you can just barely make out a few charred bits of wreckage that sort of resemble J. R. R. Tolkien’s story if you squint at them long enough…

The Man with a Cloak (1951), in which C. Auguste Dupin– who’s really Edgar Allan Poe in disguise– tries to aid a French revolutionary’s girlfriend in saving a cantankerous old man from murder at the hands of his own servants…

Phantasm II (1988), in which the kid from the first film grows up into a different actor, checks out of the mental hospital, and goes all Captain Ahab on the Tall Man’s ass…

Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983), in which several irritating people are accidentally transported to a parallel Earth in the process of being conquered by John Saxon…

Revenge in the House of Usher (1983), in which Jesus Franco hides the plot outline of the Best Movie Ever ™ under a bad, boring horror flick…

and…

Strange Days (1995), in which I rather belatedly wish you all a happy new year.

 
 
 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.


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Tacky taxi (Say it five times fast)

Pepper And His Wacky TaxiI dug deep into film obscurity and came up with Pepper And His Wacky Taxi, and was subsequently reminded why some unknown movies are not only unknown, but should remain unknown.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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B-Masters Have Risen from the Grave

IT'S ALIVE! The B-Masters are Back from Beyond

It’s been a long, long time… but the B-Masters are finally back in our own website. Like most things brought back to life in the movies, we’re missing a few pieces here and there, but that’s no reason we can’t have our Colin Clive moment of triumph. IT’S ALIVE! ALIVE! IT’S ALIVE!!
City of the Living Dead
And what better way to celebrate our resurrection than with a Roundtable — our first in a full year? This time our subject is (appropriately enough) movies about coming back from the dead. To start things off, here’s a review of one of the most infamous films about Those Who Return: Lucio Fulci’s City of the Living Dead (1980), a.k.a. Gates of Hell.

Will Laughlin is the Braineater.


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A scarecrow that really scares

Dark Night Of The ScarecrowThe movie Dark Night Of The Scarecrow manages to be surprisingly creepy and proves that made for television horror movies can be just as creepy as horror movies made for theatrical release.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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The mother of all disappointing WIP movies

The MuthersThe Cirio H. Santiago movie The Muthers is a women in prison slash modern day pirate movie. It sounds like fun, but it isn’t.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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Just rent

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I was, heaven help me, going to take a look at the new batch of pseudo-sequels; but I figured I’d better tidy up this mess first. As far as a mess like this can be tidied up…

 

TAH05-house1b.

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (2005)

In which a newly blended family moves into its dream home and—well, I’m pretty sure you know how this one goes.

The most significant feature of this version of the by-now venerable tale is that it allows the 1979 version to belatedly achieve its aspiration of looking like a respectable mainstream production…at least by comparison…

 

 

Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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Get a clue and watch it

Detective School DropoutsWhat a surprise. Detective School Dropouts is not only a rare comedy from Golan and Globus, it happens to be genuinely funny and deserves to be better known.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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