You Oughtn’t Be In Pictures

Just about everybody dreams of being a movie star someday, the same way we also dream about being rich, or famous, or powerful & influential. But what if you’re already rich, famous, powerful and/or influential? Hey, why not use your riches, fame, power & influence… to become a movie star? (Or, if you’re rich, famous, etc. because you are a movie star, haven’t you always wanted to direct?)

It’s easier than you might think. Chances are there’s some mercenary producer out there who’s anxious to give you your shot. Oh, it’s not because he has faith in your abilities. He just knows your name alone will be enough to draw in a few curious suckers and make him some easy money. Or maybe he really does believe in you — which is usually worse. Either way, whether you’re Clara Peller or Paris Hilton, Bruce Jenner or Liberace, Toonces the Cat or Shaq, you’re probably better off ignoring your producer and listening to audiences everywhere, as they scream…

DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB!

Don't Quit Your Day Job!

All through August on the B-Master’s blog!

Will Laughlin is the Braineater.


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Rabukurafuto Guessed It.

Hands of the Ripper (1971), in which Red Jack’s daughter is almost as big a pain in the ass as he was…

Münchhausen (1943), in which not all wartime propaganda films look like wartime propaganda films…

Night of the Living Dead (1990), in which you better believe they remembered the copyright notice this time…

and…

Wheels of Terror (1990), in which you might as well just watch Duel and The Car again instead, were it not for one curious thing.

 
 
 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.


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Everybody’s working on the weekend

Weekend WarriorsThe comedy Weekend Warriors was the first movie Bert Convy directed. It doesn’t take long upon watching it to find out why it was also the last.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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How much do I hate doing housework?

So much, I would rather watch an Arthur Askey movie.

So much, I would rather watch nose-wrestling.

So much, I would rather re-watch Murders In The Zoo without fast-forwarding through the Charlie Ruggles scenes.

TGT41-gander2b.

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So—a couple of resurrected reviews for you (because if I have to suffer through them, so do you):

- THE GHOST TRAIN (1941)

- TWO LOST WORLDS (1951)

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And having at last gotten my hands on a replacement copy of MURDERS IN THE ZOO (1933), I have fixed up the screenshots. (Oh, don’t worry—I didn’t take the snakes away!)

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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Plant this in your DVD player

The Tamarind SeedIf you are looking for a movie with romance and intrigue, The Tamarind Seed is a pretty safe bet, with its two lead actors at the top of their game.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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What a Travolting development

Eyes Of An AngelOne of a number of movies John Travolta made while struggling to make a comeback, Eyes Of An Angel is so wrong-headed in so many ways that you have to wonder about the quality of the proposed projects Travolta passed on in favor of making this one.

(NOTE: Apologies for recent Unknown Movies web site problems. I am working on a solution. Until then, if you can’t access the web site, try again a few minutes later.)

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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Little Devils and Deadly Dames

Hooray, it’s update time! A couple articles salvaged from the past and spruced up for 2009 or so.

DEADLIER THAN THE MALE
featConsider that Deadlier that the Male opens with legendary Elke Sommer skydiving from a jet seconds before she blows it up, plunging into the water to be picked up by another European beauty, Sylvia Koscina (from the first two Hercules films, among others), in a skimpy bikini. Seconds later, both bikini-clad women emerge from the ocean and find a man lounging on his seaside patio, whom they promptly impale with a shot from a spear gun. Now that is how you get the viewer’s attention.
THE DEVIL RIDES OUT
droutde Richleau spirits Simon away. It’s difficult to say whether or not he rescues or kidnaps the young man, since we’re unsure whether or not Simon was dabbling in the black arts of his own free will or because he was under the spell of local occult bigwig Mocata (Charles Gray, probably most recognizable as the narrator from The Rocky Horror Picture Show). Eventually, the film leans toward “under the spell,” but the whole thing seems very fuzzy, which allows the viewer to interpret the movie either as a straightforward “good versus evil” tale or a more subversive look at the subjugation of free will and intellectual curiosity at the hands of the ruling elite.
Keith Allison is the ruthless overlord of Teleport City.


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Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Anybody else remember that this is the Cabal’s 15th anniversary year?

‘Cause I realized it only after I fortuitously started writing a review for exactly the movie I’d have picked if we had done a celebratory roundtable.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986), in which Jack Burton was not brought upon this world to get it…

Godzilla (2014), in which Gareth Edwards amply makes it up to us for the last time Hollywood tried to make a Godzilla movie…

Macumba Sexual (1981), which continues the crappy run of luck for real estate agents encountering the supernatural begun by Nosferatu 60 years earlier…

and…

The Warrior (1981), in which Indonesia gets a Wong Fei Hong of its own.

 
 
 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.


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Silently tidying up

COTP12-monster5b

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Hey, gang – some housekeeping to be going on with.

I have:

– slightly revised, re-formatted and tried to fix the screenshots for She (1911)

– slightly revised and fixed the screenshots* for À La Conquête Du Pôle (1912)

– re-formatted Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde (1912)

– re-formatted Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde (1913)

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(*You can see the monster much better now!)

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Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!


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Chase this one down

Seraphim FallsEven those who don’t care for westerns will probably find Seraphim Falls greatly entertaining, because it concentrates more on action and suspense instead of traditional western elements.

Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.


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