It was a vicious idea from the start: take the B-Masters — collectively one of the groups with the highest tolerance levels known to man for truly awful cinema — and let each one pick a movie to send to another randomly selected member of the Cabal. The potential for punishment visited upon our peers was truly staggering. It is the cinematic equivalent of when you ask for a Transformer or GI Joe for Christmas, and your grandmother gets you a Transformobot or GI Commando from the toy aisle of the local grocery store. You just have to grin, laugh, and mutter, “Oh… yeah. This is lot like what I wanted. I was thinking about getting this one, too… thanks.”

But could even the mighty B-Masters stomach opening a gift only to find it was a copy of America 3000, Prayer of the Rollerboys, or God help us all, Nukie? Find out as we unwrap our b-movie versions of coal and switches in the stocking…

B-MASTER… GAVE… TO… AND
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED
And You Call Yourself a Scientist Pumaman Opposable Thumb Films Naturally, any device of great power must eventually fall into the wrong hands. Quicker than you can say Warrior Queen, the mask falls into the evil hands of Kobras (Donald Pleasance!). He discovers that the mask can control the human mind (not unlike Pabst Blue Ribbon), which can be very helpful when wanting to take over the world.
B-Notes The Apple Cold Fusion Video Reviews “The crowd, however, loves it, to the chagrin of Boogalow, who instructs a flunky to sabotage their performance by playing a special red cassette which, I guess, ultrasonically pisses the audience off. But Boogalow sees potential in the young duo, as he strokes his goatee devilishly…”
Bad Movie Report The Video Dead Badmovies.org “Lucky for him that the Garbageman pays a visit to the video temptress. Slitting her throat reveals the woman’s true nature (an ugly, soulless monster) to the aghast boy. Then the Garbageman gives some brief instructions to Jeff, including how to prevent any more evil from escaping from the TV.”
Badmovies.org Prayer of the Rollerboys Jabootu’s Bad Movie Dimension “We cut to GL leading a double chorus line of arm-swingin’ Rollerboys out for a, uh, skate. Griffin is, we see, literally at his side. As they wheel down a skating path in slo-mo, some birds planted in their path rise up in the air. This shot if pretty funny to begin with, but the knowledge that it’s meant to impart a feeling of menace makes it downright hilarious.”
       
Jabootu’s Bad Movie Dimension Jonathan
Livingston Seagull		 Bad Movie Report “Jonathan Livingston Seagull realizes that his destiny is not to die on this bit of wood, but to do…. something else. He gathers his strength and flies off in slow motion, as Neil Diamond ululates on the soundtrack. That’s actually a pretty effective moment – okay, I admit this movie is going to be mawkish, but I can handle mawk. Bring on the mawk, movie! Show me what you’ve got!”
Opposable Thumb Films Monster
Mash		 Stomp Tokyo The movie gives us the whole song twice, the famous part of it three times, and an unbearable number of inferior musical numbers in between. In keeping with the nature of the song, the movie is campy. Unlike the song, however, the movie is 83 minutes long, and despite the expanded running time it doesn’t contain any more laughs than the source material.
Teleport City America
3000		 And You Call Yourself a Scientist “This post-apocalyptic world sees men and women living separately, in different societies. The women are known as ‘Frauls,’ the men as ‘Plugarts.’ For practical purposes, it is simpler to think of them as ‘Dumb’ and ‘Dumber.'”