Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus. Two Israeli businessmen known as “The Go-Go Boys”, who embodied The American Dream during the equally go-go 1980s: They Came, They Saw, They Conquered. Though Cannon Films didn’t quite achieve their lofty goal of becoming a major, enduring, respected studio, they did provide many with cherished (and despised) memories, cable channels with programming staples, and the B-Masters with a subject for pontification.

And You Call Yourself A Scientist!

Cyborg

….the only vaguely original thing about Cyborg is the bizarre decision to name almost everyone in the film after guitar models or manufacturers, an inane conceit made even sillier by the fact that in the course of the film, practically none of the characters is ever called by name. Frankly, I can think of very few things that better define the word “optimism” than the inclusion in Cyborg of a joke which assumes that, when the credits roll, the audience will still be in its seat…

The Bad Movie Report

Invasion USA

By this time it’s forty minutes into the movie and most action movie fans are thinking, “Isn’t it about time for some Norris-Roughing-Up-Terrorists shenanigans? Wouldn’t Schwarzenegger have killed 75 economy-pack bad guys by now?” And Mssrs. Golan and Globus couldn’t agree more.

Jabootu

Lambada & The Forbidden Dance

Telling the two Lambada movies apart is simple. While both contain ludicrous attempts at a ‘social’ message, only one is a rip-off of the 1998 social drama Stand and Deliver. Lambada, lest you confuse those two, is the one with more dirty dancing and a hunkier lead

Opposable Thumb Films

Delta Force

Nowadays we utilize an intricate system of intelligence to track these nuts down. Once found, we then utilize our intricate system of weaponry to blow their crazy asses up. Back in 1986, however, we didn’t have the benefit of such advanced technology. Back then folks relied on Chuck Norris.

Stomp Tokyo

The Barbarians

Then the brothers somehow figure out that they can sneak into Kadar’s harem and see Canary, so they do this. Canary tells them to get weapons from the tomb of the Ancient Kings and kill the dragon guarding the ruby, so they do that. The dragon is a unique creation portrayed by alternately a full-sized model and a hand puppet. It also looks like ALF turned inside out.

Teleport City

Breakin’ & Breakin’ II: Electric Boogaloo

Everyone in Breakin’ is happy and clad in an array of colorful duds. The villains prefer to limit their evil to acts of evil boogalooin’, and conflicts are settled through dancing. Everyone lives together with no hint of racial strife. Black, white, Hispanic, and even that Belgian guy all get along. Tough street dancers with banana-shaped earrings get along just fine with gay modern dance guys in package-revealing lavender leotards.

The Unknown Movies

The Godsend

One immediate stumbling block is that there is none of the content one usually associates with this kind of horror – or with Golan and Globus, for that matter. There are only a few drops of blood… there’s no bad language, no nudity, and the one scene of “cuddling” has the same intensity of such a moment filmed for a television show in the 1970s. (Incredibly, despite being almost free of naughty stuff, the movie still got slapped with an R rating, no doubt further pissing off the few grindhouse and drive-in patrons who paid to see it.)



Click to share:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • email
  • StumbleUpon
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • Reddit