May 15
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A Colorado resort is terrorised by a rampaging (if barely glimpsed) killer hominid, which chooses of all times the days prior to the resort’s 50th Anniversary Winter Carnival to start preying on the guests.
However, the local economy depends upon the carnival, so they can’t possibly close the ski resort…
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[By the way, I do still hope to get that housekeeping done…]
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Creature from Black Lake (1976)
Some people say they don’t exist… but others say they’re out there somewhere, just on the edges of civilization, seen by only a few hardy souls.
You know what I mean: the rare, elusive halfway-decent Bigfoot movie.
But wait — I’ve brought back some evidence they exist! Here’s one, dragged back from the depths of the 1970’s, that I think may prove to be the Missing Link between competent film-making and the Sasquatch subgenre. Judge for yourselves!
(Note: While loading, the review may either flicker or leave you stuck halfway down the page. I tried to do something a little different this time from a technical standpoint, and it may not work for everybody. Sorry!)
May 13
Opinion is extremely divided on the horror movie The Convent. Those who have seen it seem to love it or hate it, with no one taking the middle ground. Although I can’t say that I didn’t find any faults with the movie, I am still among those who love it. Yes, it’s often extremely silly, but that’s part of its charm. And the moments of extreme violence are pleasing as well. I’ve tried to write a pretty spoiler-free review, so you can be pleasantly surprised like I was by the movie’s unique efforts to entertain when you sit down to watch it.
May 12
Any semi-faithful adaptation of Daniel Dafoe’s Robinson Crusoe is going to be essentially a one-man play for at least two-thirds of the running time. For the 1954 film version, Spanish director Luis Bunuel chose little-known Irish actor Dan O’Herlihy in the title role. It was a good choice.
By the way, if any of you are try-before-you-buyers, you can see a three-page PDF preview of The Golden Age of Crap here.
This was the film that almost broke the audience’s back at B-Fest 2010, and nearly got me lynched in the process. Lady Gaga’s android army returns in this Italian space opera that is desperately in need of an editor. Every scene, and I do mean every scene, lasts five times longer than it should. The climatic final battle takes almost half an hour. You will probably be wishing it would end after five minutes – six minutes tops.
Something to watch for:
32 mins – When I was a child I had a toy ray gun. It was more convincing than those.
One of the bright(er) moments for Full Moon in the late ’90s was Hideous! (1997), which features bizarrely deformed “pickled punks” turning the tables on their would-be collectors. And actress Jacqueline Lovell demonstrates hitherto unsuspected talents in the wardrobe department.
And why do I say that? Because under no previous entertainment business model would it have been remotely possible for me to see some of the stuff that comprises the present update:
Blood for Dracula (1974), in which the sickliest vampire you ever did see goes looking for virgins in Italy, but just winds up getting his ass kicked by Joe Dallesandro…
Georges Melies Trick Films, 1896, by which I mean The Devil’s Castle, A Nightmare, A Terrible Night, and The Vanishing Lady…
Ginger Snaps (2000), in which a perfectly good suicide pact gets shot all to hell when one of its signatories comes down with a bad case of lycanthropy…
The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999), in which it’s apparently too much to hope for that a needless, much-belated sequel have anything more to offer than a straight-up retread of the first film, even when the producers have the decency to bring back one of the original stars…
Saw II (2005), which came so damn close to being great that I just about wanted to cry when the obligatory twist ending screwed a whole kennel’s worth of pooches…
and…
Three… Extremes (2004), in which representatives of three different Asian movie industries join forces for a riff on the old Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors number.
We’ve all got them, right? – those relatives you’d rather not acknowledge – that uncle who embarrasses you at every birthday party – those cousins you don’t invite to the family reunions (but who show up anyway)? And even if we did want to ignore their existence, film-makers all around the world have spent decades making certain that we can’t. So join us as we call a truce on the Darwinian name-calling, and give our big hairy brothers a hug.
It’s Foot Notes – all throughout the month of May at the B-Masters’ Blog!
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SEVEN FOOTPRINTS TO SATAN (1929)
One of the few surviving films of the Danish director Benjamin Christensen, and the only surviving member of the triumverate of old dark house horror-comedies he made in Hollywood at the end of the 1920s.
A young playboy who dreams of having some excitement and adventure before he settles down gets an object lesson in being careful what he prays for when an emerald inherited by his girlfriend becomes the target of a cult of satanists, and the two of them are whisked away to a cavernous mansion that is the scene of orgies and human sacrifice, and that houses mysterious women, disfigured men, Gollum’s little brother, a witch, a dwarf, a werewolf, a gorilla, and Loretta Young.
Oh. And Satan. Let’s not forget Satan.
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[I hope to have some house-keeping done over the next few days. Watch this space.]
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