THE MUMMY’S TOMB (1942)

In this surprisingly effective sequel to 1940′s The Mummy’s Hand, Lon Chaney Jr replaces Tom Tyler under the bandages.

Set thirty years after its predecessor (kind of), The Mummy’s Tomb finds Kharis and the new High Priest of Karnak travelling to Massachusetts in order to inflict some long-delayed vengeance upon the desecrators of the Princess Ananka’s tomb. Aided by the stubborn incredulity of The Authorities, Kharis swiftly racks up an impressive body count—only to once again become the victim of his High Priest’s inability to keep it in his pants.

.

.

.

Playing a bit of catch up

GANDAHAR Laloux and the French team ran into a number of issues working with the North Korean animators. For starters, there were the boobs. Like Fantastic Planet, Gandahar contains plenty of naked flesh, blue though it may be. It wasn’t so much the nudity itself that caused the Koreans to pause. It was the melon-size breasts. The animators, sequestered as they were in their workers’ paradise, couldn’t really grasp the concept of women’s breasts being the size of basketballs. Actually, they probably had a point.

RAVENHAWK Ravenhawk isn’t a movie that is going to convince a Pyun hater that he has talent, but if you are like me and have an easygoing ability to roll with Pyun’s peculiarities, Ravenhawk makes for a pretty pleasant tale of violent revenge and punching William Atherton in the face.

Also, I’ve retooled the Teleport City Blog to be a bit more active, mostly with posting ridiculous photos, pulp art, and probably lots of photos of Edwige Fenech and Louise Brooks, so if you want to waste a few seconds of your time, have a gander: http://teleport-city.com/wordpress/?cat=2059

Even if you are not a fan of Euro westerns like The Deserter, you’ve got to admit that this particular one has a hell of a cast. Included in the cast are Richard Crenna, Chuck Connors, Ricardo Montalban, Brandon De Wilde, Slim Pickens, Woody Strode, Albert Salmi, Patrick Wayne, Ian Bannen, and John Huston – whew!

CHILLERAMA

I have a sort of bad movie spider sense, but this time my super powers totally rickrolled me. Parts of this anthology movie are absolutely brilliant. Unfortunately, the brilliant parts are smothered by loads of sexual jokes and toilet humor. I laughed some, I cried some, I rolled my eyes a lot.

Review Snippet:
The fourth and final movie is “Deathication” which mocks the memory of William Castle. The purported director introduces the film, and threatens that it will scare people so much that they will befoul themselves with excrement. It only lasts for a short while before ending due to events taking place at the drive-in, but it packs plenty of s**t into those the few minutes. Ever want to see a man experiencing projectile dysentery? Well, you’re in luck.

Lesson Learned:
Jason Voorhees is Jewish.

More proof that 2011 was not my friend: this film has been sitting on my hard drive, waiting to be reviewed, for 14 months…

So—a little belated SCIENCE IN THE REEL WORLD:

THE STORY OF LOUIS PASTEUR (1936)

This early scientific biopics finds Paul Muni blazing a trail that would later be followed by Edward G. Robinson, and shaking off his type-casting to play Louis Pasteur; a role that won him an Academy Award for Best Actor.

Focusing upon Pasteur’s battles have the “germ theory” of disease and his work in the development of vaccines accepted, the film is a slightly frustrating simplification of the scientist’s career—but is nevertheless historically important as the first production of its kind.

.

.

.

.

.

Actor David Carradine must have had a good working relationship with movie producer Roger Corman, because Carradine appeared in close to twenty movies produced by Corman. It would also explain why in Crime Zone, Carradine not only acted but also sat in the associate producer’s chair. The fact that Carradine had two jobs to do on this movie may explain why he appears onscreen in just a few brief scenes, which is one of several problems the finished product has.

After years of steadily declining rosters of movies I hadn’t yet covered, the B-Fest organizers went all-out for the 2012 lineup, forcing me to do the same:

Avenging Disco Godfather (1979), in which Rudy Ray Moore puts his weight on it and attacks the wack…

Death Bed: The Bed that Eats (1977), which some how both is and is not exactly what it says on the package…

The Galaxy Invader (1985), in which Baltimore’s other B-movie luminary makes yet another cheap-ass “monster wanders through the woods” flick…

Guru the Mad Monk (1970), in which having access to professional-grade equipment for the first time in his life paradoxically leads Andy Milligan to plumb new depths of amateurism…

Mutant Hunt (1986), in which the “mutants” are actually cyborgs, and “hunting” apparently means waiting around for them to find you…

Stunt Rock (1978), which has both stunts and rock in abundance, but is rather lacking in most other ingredients of movies as you and I understand them…

Tarkan vs. the Vikings (1971), in which the greatest warrior among the Huns declares a one-man war on the Norsemen to avenge his slain dog…

To Catch a Yeti (1995), in which Meat Loaf, of all people, is commissioned to hunt down the abominable snowman by the Canadian non-union equivalent of the Addams Family…

and…

Werewolf in a Girls’ Dormitory (1961), which might as well be a German Edgar Wallace movie, except that it has a crummy wolf man instead of a guy in a hooded black cloak.
 
 
 

ESCAPE 2000

Prisoners at a futuristic government work camp are picked to become human game for politicians and their cronies. This is yet another version of “The Most Dangerous Game,” but it is entertaining in its excess. One of the rich hunters has a pet werewolf!

Review Snippet:
Upon arriving at the camp, the new prisoners discover that there are no rules besides complete obedience to the warden and his guards. Whatever Mr. Thatcher and Mr. Ritter say is the law, and disobeying that law is grounds for torture and execution. One unfortunate prisoner tries to escape, but fails to get away. He is forced to wrestle with an open container of kerosene while the guards pummel him. Once the doomed prisoner is completely soaked, Ritter sets him on fire. The man is so beaten, so defeated, that he does not seem to care. Even his screams as he burns alive are more automatic reflex than anything else. That’s the extreme nature of Camp 47. Being imprisoned there will kill you and so will attempting to escape, meaning that the only path to deliverance is death.

Depending on your view of the afterlife, that is either a catch-22 or a foregone conclusion.

Lesson Learned:
The legal term for an English person deported for committing a crime is “Australian.”

A slight variation on the review theme…

Magic Lizard is terrible. Mind-bendingly terrible. A black pit of terrible from which almost no enjoyment can be retrieved. So when it came time to review it, and given that several friend sites had already paid it it’s tribute, I thought it might be fun to launch a coordinated attack. So Sunday, March 4, Teleport City teamed up with fellow Magic Lizard neophyte The Cultural Gutter to watch Thai director Sompote Sands’ most horrifying creation. Joining us were two survivors of Magic Lizard, Die Danger Die Die Kill and WtF Film, who courageously — or foolishly — volunteered to be the Virgil to our Dante on this trip through Hell. Instead of writing a full review, the resulting commentary was logged via Twitter and looks a little something like this.