Dec 31
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And there it is: that terrible temptation to swear – and in front of witnesses! – that things are going to be different this year.
Instead of succumbing to that particular temptation, I will simply thank everyone who stopped by the blog in 2012, and particularly those who took the time to comment and chat.
Here’s hoping for a more productive year in 2013, as we continue the endless journey back and forth along the cinematic bell-curve!
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Dec 31
Lou Ferrigno has certainly been in a number of bad movies in his career, with The Seven Magnificent Gladiators, two Hercules movies, Liberty & Bash, Sinbad Of The Seven Seas, and Hangfire being just some of them. So it probably comes as no surprise that his movie Cage is another stinker. What is surprising, however, is how offensive parts of the movie are, offensive even to this critic who has seen it all.
Dec 21
Many of us have had the dream of being a cowboy and riding gloriously on the range. But the revisionist western The Culpepper Cattle Co. reveals the truth of what life was like for cowboys in The Wild West. It was a life that will make you thankful for being able to live in the twenty-first century.
What do you get when you add Michael Caine and Roger Moore to a movie produced by schlockmeister Menahem Golan and directed by the heavy hand of Michael Winner (Death Wish)? You get Bullseye!, a movie that hits far, far from its intended target.
Dec 8
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Nyah!!
NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES (1969 / 1972)
In which a doctor tries to cure his son of terminal looseemia by transplanting into him the heart of a gorilla, so that he can withstand transfusions of gorilla blood. Unexpectedly, this plan goes wrong. Some men die, and some women get nekkid and then die. And there’s wrestling. And we all get depraved and corrupted.
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[It’s a Video Nasty, so pretty obviously NSFW: nudity, gore effects, heart surgery, and wrestling.]
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First, for the holiday they celebrate on certain parts of the Material Plane:
Blood Freak (1972), because you can’t have a proper Thanksgiving without a great, big, humongous turkey…
and…
ThanksKilling (2008), because Brother Ragnarok reminded me that I had a screener copy of it lying around that wasn’t getting any fresher.
Next, for the B-Master-specific holiday:
Caged Women (1982), in which Bruno and Claudio steal Emanuelle from Joe D’Amato (who stole her from Bitto Albertini, who stole her name [and nothing much else] from Just Jaeckin), and almost forget to tell anybody they did so…
and…
Women’s Prison Massacre (1983), which is technically an extremely old review, but which I rewrote almost beyond recognition in light of finally having seen its predecessor.
And finally, as the opening gambit in what I hope will remain a serious ongoing effort to do something about my increasingly daunting backlog of screeners:
Corporate Cutthroat Massacre (2009), which promises ” ‘The Office’ meets American Psycho,” but leaves out the “meets”…
Creep Creepersin’s Frankenstein (2007), in which the monster is all in her maker’s mind…
Ding Dong Dead (2009), in which some schmuck replies to the activities of annoying juvenile delinquents with the Bronsonian excess of vengeance we’ve all fantasized about from time to time…
He (2009), in which a different schmuck and his wife experience a great many things that are all in their mind…
and…
Peeping Blog (2010), in which I sure hope you like watching people drink coffee and eat Hot Pockets.
Howard Hawks’ Rio Bravo was a big influence on B movie filmmakers years after it was made. Most famous was John Carpenter’s Assault On Precinct 13, but much less known is the Canadian movie Self Defense (a.k.a. Siege). Despite a rock bottom budget and a few clunky moments, it’s a surprisingly effective thriller.