Try as I might, I could not come up with a comic explanation for what Z.P.G. stands for that also simultaneously summed up the movie’s quality. So you’ll just have to read the review itself to find out if the movie is worth your time or not. Sorry.
Archive for June, 2013
It’s alive!
Jun 23
Yes, yes, I know: not very original.
As I have whinged in various forums, the last few months have been difficult and frustrating, and I’m afraid the blog meltdown gave me far too easy an excuse to neglect the site even more than I was already doing.
Unfortunately the difficulties and frustrations are still making themselves felt, and show little sign of ceasing to do so; so in the interests of getting something done I’ve decided finally to tackle some of those many dead links that were the result of some earlier internet hosting nightmares of my own. I figure that some of those reviews are so old, and have been unseen so long, that they’ll seem like new material, at least.
So look out for {*fingers crossed*} regular housekeeping updates: revised reviews, new screenshots, fixed links, and other general tinkering.
At any rate, I’ve made a start.
What with?
What else?
An animated movie that’s unknown might not sound unusual. But what makes the obscurity of the animated movie Twice Upon A Time unusual is that the movie was produced by none other than George Lucas. Is it up to Star Wars? Or down to the depths of Howard The Duck? Or something between those extremes? Read the review to find out.
I didn’t set out to review so many Jean Rollin movies this time around, but then every single film of his that I had in my Netflix Instant queue acquired an expiration date simultaneously.
Death Becomes Her (1992), in which Robert Zemeckis (of all people) directs Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn (of all people) as a pair of nigh-indestructible zombie women…
The Demoniacs (1974), in which a couple of Belgian girls have sex with a devil in order to gain sufficient power to avenge themselves upon the pirates who raped them…
Dressed to Kill (1980), in which Brian De Palma kicks Psycho up a notch…
The G-String Horror (2012), in which a film crew shooting a documentary about a haunted strip club get more than they bargained for…
Gargoyles (1972), in which a tribe of homicidal pterodactyl-people is in some ways less troublesome than a redneck police captain…
Gor (1987), in Harry Allan Towers teams up with Golan and Globus to turn a mad philosopher’s neo-Nietzschean erotic John Carter fanfic into a run-of-the-mill 80’s barbarian movie…
Latitude Zero (1969), in which rival Captain Nemo wannabes battle for control of some schmuck scientist and his cute but largely useless daughter…
Lips of Blood (1975), in which you can’t really blame the protagonist for preferring his hot vampire girlfriend to his out-of-control mom…
The Nude Vampire (1970), in which the title character is neither nude nor a vampire…
The Rape of the Vampire (1968), which has very little to do with vampires being raped…
The Shiver of the Vampires (1971), in which the vampires don’t shiver, either– what the hell, Jean Rollin?!
and…
The Vampire Beast Craves Blood (1967), which isn’t nearly as much stupid fun as a movie about a blood-drinking were-moth ought to be.
1963
El llanero
Rififí en la Ciudad
Don’t worry — I’m not only going to review Jess Franco movies for the rest of the year. Still, you might want to pay extra attention to this particular update. 1963 gives us, first of all, one of Franco’s rarest and least-known movies, even by comparison to his musicals: a strange quasi-Western set in Venezuela. But for the names of some of the characters, you’d never imagine this was a Jess Franco movie.
Then comes the film you’d never guess in a million years was written and directed by Franco: Rififí en la Ciudad, a taut crime thriller that suggests Orson Welles far more than the man who made Castle of Fu Manchu.
Jess Franco, King Vidor and Orson Welles
This rock does not rock
Jun 9
Though my experience with past Cynthia Rothrock movies has been totally negative, I had high hopes for Guardian Angel, since it was made by the movie studio PM Entertainment, the king of direct to video action. What could go wrong? Well, plenty.
Goodbye, Uncle Jess
Jun 3
As if the chaos of April, 2013, wasn’t enough for me, I’ve decided to start a new project. I plan to watch every Jess Franco movie I can get my hands on, in chronological order, and blog ’em all in the Brain Drops section of my site. You know — because life is just too darned long and comfortable.
In case you’re wondering why I’d attempt something so questionable for my health and sanity, here’s a little background. And, since the journey off every cliff begins with a single step, here are my first couple of entries:
1959
Tenemos 18 Años
1960
Labios Rojos — not reviewed (lost?)
La Reina del Tabarín
1961
Vampiresas 1930
Gritos en la Noche/The Awful Dr. Orlof
1962
La Muerte Silba un Blues
La Mano de un Hombre Muerto/The Sadistic Baron von Klaus
I figure at this rate, my project is likely to take a year to complete. However, since this is one of those situations where the going just gets rougher the further you go, my guess may be wildly optimistic. Wish me luck!