Archive for September, 2015

Madness at the Sanatorium

THE HOURGLASS SANATORIUM

hs1“A gloriously perverse carnival air permeates The Hourglass Sanatorium, the sort of atmosphere that would be similarly at home in an Alejandro Jodorowsky or Fellini film. Bent figures in the threadbare finery of yesteryear — tattered cloaks, rumpled suits, crooked top hats — rub elbows with topless strippers amid the ruined relics of bygone splendor and in an atmosphere not of the timid and tempted soul seeking sin, being beckoned into the shadows by the luring finger or the sideshow barker’s promise of forbidden fruit; but instead of the brothel, the sideshow, the theater after hours, when those who labor to create our fantasies and illusions gather together to relax, to blow off steam, to end a long night’s work by unwinding in the company of one’s peers who, while not always pleasant, at least exist in the same frame of reference.”

 

And as a bonus, in case you are so inclined to read it, I moonlight as the Science Fiction Guy on a site called The Cultural Gutter and recently wrote about the first time I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY NIGHT?

featrhps“Our intention, besides parading around and making the scene, was to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I’d been preparing for this trip for days. Laying the groundwork that would allay any potential parental suspicion. Picking out the appropriate outfit. With very little in the way of codified punk rock to guide me, I had my own interpretation of what was appropriate attire for such a sojourn, whichwas a t shirt I’d sliced open in the back and stitched back up using old shoelaces. I’d then written “Joy Division” on the front in bright neon pink glitter puffy paint pen, because I thought that was a clever subversion of the gloomy melancholy one expects. I thought about fashioning some manner of Dracula cape, but it never came together. Finished off with a pair of ripped up jeans and a lot of Dep hair goo. Lookin’ cool. Or something.”

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A Return to Reasonable Dimensions

And to a reasonable posting schedule, as well.

 

Devil’s Pass (2013), in which a bunch of college students go to a remote locale to shoot a documentary about strange goings on, but you haven’t heard nearly as much of this story before as you might think…

The Lost Boys (1987), in which two Coreys first become The Two Coreys…

Near Dark (1987), in which the vampires would be just as threatening if they weren’t vampires at all…

Prison Girls (1972), in which some weekend prison furloughs are more enjoyable than others, but not for us…

Return of the Jedi (1983), in which every last check is dutifully cashed, even if one or two of them come up a few bucks short…

and…

The Young Playmates (1972), in which Val Guest, of all people, tries his hand at smut.

 
 
 

Avoid even a free way to see it

Death Car On The FreewayDirected by Hal Needham, the made-for-TV movie Death Car On The Freeway gets the vehicular stuff well done, but little else.

You won’t have a Jones for this movie

Mr. SuperinvisibleThe Antonio Margheriti movie Mr. Superinvisible is for the most part forgettable. However, some Dean Jones fans may be interested in seeing their idol get naked several times. Well, as naked as a G-rated kiddie movie will allow.

If you thought the last update was big…

This one spiraled so far out of control that its sheer size kept deterring me from putting it up:  “Nah, that’s too much work for today.  I’ll do it tomorrow.” [Repeat like two dozen times]  Frigging Netflix kept pulling stuff from my queue, so I had to keep dropping what I set out to review to add another unplanned film!  But now, at last:

 

Attack the Block (2011), in which hooligans have to become heroes, lest space monsters take over their apartment building…

The Bloody Judge (1970), in which Christopher Lee pretends to take a break from horror by portraying one of the major villains of British history…

Dr. Orloff’s Monster (1964), in which underperforming Frankenstein monsters can still be useful for cleaning up one’s romantic messes…

The Ecstasies of Women (1969), in which a long-lost Herschell Gordon Lewis skin flick turns out to be not remotely worth the wait…

The Empire Strikes Back (1980), in which George Lucas goes to Dagobah to study retcon fu…

Fantomas: In the Shadow of the Guillotine (1913), in which the first cinematic take on the celebrated proto-Krimi antihero turns out to be all anti and no hero…

Juve Against Fantomas (1913), in which the best part is also the worst part, as Fantomas employs a trained python to do his dirty work…

The Murderous Corpse (1913), in which the series takes a much-needed turn for the grisly…

Fantomas Against Fantomas (1914), in which it acquires a sense of humor…

The False Magistrate (1914), in which Fantomas goes out on a curiously realistic note…

Fear City (1984), or as I’ve come to think of it, Abel Ferrara’s M

Georges Melies Trick Films (1900), in which I disappoint those of you who were hoping I was about to resume my battle against the Witchcraft franchise instead…

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1977), which could frankly use a demented Marlon Brando with an inexplicable pet midget…

Prince of Darkness (1987), in which John Carpenter channels both Nigel Kneale and H. P. Lovecraft in ways that are still disappointing after all this time…

Surf Nazis Must Die (1986), in which the Fuehrers of the New Beach tangle with the wrong old lady…

and…

Trader Hornee (1970), a sex comedy for which “limp” is by far the best word.

 
 
 

A Good Night’s Sleep

VALERIE AND HER WEEK OF WONDERS

valDespite intense social and political messages, Valerie and Her Week of Wonders is not a grim, oppressive movie. It is not about defeat, but triumph. The film’s final scene, in which nearly every version of every character parades through the village streets and Valerie finally gets some rest, is in a way a premonition of the jubilant Velvet Revolution that would remove the Soviet yoke once and for all some nineteen years later. It is a testament to the determination of the Czech people to be true to their own character no matter the attempts to force upon them some external system of behavior fundamentally at odds with their own — a character perhaps best summarized by how all of this political symbolism passed by resurgent Soviet dominance without being caught. Overarching it all is Valerie‘s ability to remain steadfastly optimistic, hopeful, and curious despite all the attempts to control her, subjugate her, or own her. It is the story of whimsy’s triumph over the grim, of liberation’s victory over oppression.

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Seventh rate

Journey To The Seventh PlanetWhile Journey To The Seventh Planet may involve astronauts encountering an alien on Uranus, there is no real life to be found in the movie itself.