Invasion (2005)

If you have some experience with B-movies, chances are you’ve run into something by Albert Pyun. If I told you this Pyun sci-fi film had a shop-worn plot, minimal special effects, repetitious dialog and a ridiculously inflated running time, you’d probably think you knew what to expect. You’d also probably figure I didn’t like the movie very much.

You’d be wrong on both counts.

I have to admit, though… Pyun’s $35,000 movie had me asking a question I normally only ask while I’m watching a multi-million dollar Hollywood production: Where did all that money go?

Although Fighting Mad is not about Cracked’s pathetic efforts over the decades, it is all the same pathetic.

I wonder what J. D. Salinger though of his son Matt not only embarrassing himself in the Albert Pyun Captain America movie, but also in the feeble romantic comedy Options.

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PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (2007)

…in which we discover that if a paranormal entity has been following you around since your childhood, it’s best to have a boyfriend who isn’t a complete jerk…

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The science fiction movie Manborg overcomes its ludicrously low budget – and its Canadian origins – and becomes very entertaining.

Look at me, all caught up like I was a responsible member of the cabal or something…

Black Narcissus (1947), in which Respected Artists can get a Condemned rating from the Legion of Decency, too…

Danger: Diabolik (1967), in which it’s expected for once that we’re all rooting for the bad guys…

Dune (1984), in which the “YOU TRIED!” star genuinely is something to be halfway proud of…

The Human Tornado (1976), which eats easily 30% less rat soup than the original Dolemite…

Infra-Man (1975), in which we can all have such a thing…

Multiple Maniacs (1970), in which John Waters is forced reluctantly to concede that not even Divine can upstage Charles Manson…

Water Power (1976), in which there really is a mafia-financed porno movie loosely based on the case of the Illinois Enema Bandit, and I apologize to you all for bringing that to your attention…

and…

The White Buffalo (1977), in which all of Dino De Laurentiis’s mid-70’s obsessions come together in a single picture at last.