No time for an introduction – my apartment building is about to be fumigated for bed bugs, and I have to get out of here. Just enough time to announce my latest review for the movie The Noah.

In Between (2005), Poppy Montgomery is a Chicago attorney who travels alone to Tijuana, despite not speaking one like of Spanish, to look for her sister who has disappeared. Surprisingly, the experience becomes confusing.

Darkstone Entertainment
(via)

In Fingerprints Don’t Lie (1951), a forensic investigator for the police drastically overstates what his evidence proves, and then spends the rest of the movie furiously backpedaling while trying not to look like he’s backpedaling.  That’s what it seemed like to me, at any rate.  (Notice: Sid Melton warning.)

OK, on the face of it, not a movie that Liz in particular would seem to be interested in, correct?

Ah, but look closer my friends….

That’s right, Albert Pyun is now such an industry giant that he gets to “present” movies made by other directors!

This is a proud day for world cinema.

In a case of form and content matching each other all too well, technical difficulties prevented me from posting my Roundtable Review on time this month. Er, last month. And no: not all the technical difficulties got solved. But the longer I wait to post, the deeper the shame…

Anyway, I thought I might have some competition for the most embarrassing revelation in last month’s roundtable. Ha! Not even close. In fact, I found this entry so humiliating, I decided to do it as a podcast. That way you’d have had to suffer listen all the way through before you even found out what the title of the movie was! Diabolical, yes?

Actually, in the event, this podcast turned out to be a podcast about why the original podcast didn’t get, umm, podcasted. It features many layers of meta-embarrassment. But hey — if I’m going to tarnish my own reputation, I might as well do a thorough job of it!

Over the years, I have come across a variety of family movies that paired children with animals. I’ve seen several “boy and his dog” movies. I’ve seen a “girl and her reindeer” movie. I’ve seen a “boy and his bear” movie. I’ve even seen a “boy and his dolphin” movie. Just recently, I saw a movie that paired a boy and a… seal? I personally never thought seals had the stuff to be in a movie like those other examples before I saw The Golden Seal, but here’s the movie all the same. Read and see if it gets my seal of approval.

The premise of The Secret Kindom (1997) is this:  There’s a kingdom chafing under the grip of a totalitarian leader.  This kingdom is under the sink of a house in New Orleans, and is discovered by three children while their parents are away.

Really?  This got made?  Seriously?