Archive for category Uncategorized

An Extra-Large Update as My First of the Year

Lots of unintended inter-film echoes in this one. Killers with gas masks. Deep South swamp monsters produced by genetic meddling. Characters named Tom and Sara. Nigh-unwatchable parodies. Point-missing adaptations. Movies that got the way they are because somebody figured they were too cheap not to be cheesy. Jerks played by Josh Gad. Intervals of 28 years…

 

Deathstalker II (1987), in which Jim Wynorski first becomes JIM WYNORSKI…

Don’t Go in the House (1979), in which I suppose we can’t really call him a slasher when his weapon of choice is an army-surplus flamethrower…

Doom (2005), in which you might just barely recognize an element or two from the source games if you squint hard and hit yourself on the head with a hammer…

Kids Go to the Woods… Kids Get Dead (2009), which I fully admit I brought on myself…

Little Monsters (2019), which must surely be the only romcom in which zombies eat children…

Mark of the Beast (2012), in which you might recognize the source story, but you won’t understand why they treated it this way…

My Bloody Valentine (2009), which manages to be one of the better horror remakes of the aughts mainly because that’s one of the easiest leagues around…

Razortooth (2009), which tries to get away with mutating Asian swamp eels into giant viperfish…

Terror in the Swamp (1984), which tries to get away with mutating a nutria into a killer Bigfoot…

and…

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026), in which teenaged maniacs cosplaying as Jimmy Saville make life difficult for an elderly man who just wants to listen to old Duran Duran records and shoot morphine with his giant, naked rage-zombie pal.

 

 

 

El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.

A Canadian actioner that doesn’t hurt too much

WoundedHow about that… Wounded is a Canadian movie funded by government film financer Telefilm that actually has action in it!
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

It’s like a zoo in here!

Wild BeastsThe best examples of Eurotrash filmmaking tend to have both nutty premises and outrageous executions, but Wild Beasts only has the former for the most part.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Superdud

SuperdadWhile Superdad may be more watchable than the notorious “home movies” made by its star Bob Crane, that is in no way a recommendation.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Prize-winning action

The TournamentOur British cousins show with The Tournament that they can make a low budget action movie winner.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Just passing through…

 

I’m still supposed to do this, right??

 

Anyhoo…very best wishes to all our B-Movie-ites for the New Year, and a sincere hope that you and yours are safe and well.

 

Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!

I won’t go back to this future

FutureworldAmerican-International Pictures continuing a story that originated from a major Hollywood studio certainly promised a drop in quality, and Futureworld shows just how it happened.

“Pact” with horror goodness

The PactYou don’t need tens of millions of dollars – or even just one million dollars – to make a decent horror movie, and The Pact is proof of that.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

The pain from Spain stays mainly in my brain

Justin And The Knights Of ValourWhile Justin And The Knights Of Valour shows that Spain can make feature length computer animated movies, it also shows why perhaps they shouldn’t.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.

Kind of middle class

Class Of 1999While the 1990 sci-fi/black comedy movie Class Of 1999 definitely isn’t worthy of an “F”, it also isn’t honor roll material.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.