NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER 2
Vietcong, some bogus kung fu monks, and of course a Russian commander with his pit full of hungry crocodiles — all good megalomaniacs should have one!

ADVENTURES OF JANE
Britain’s legendary wartime pinup stars as Britain’s legendary wartime pinup in the story of why you should never accept diamonds from an old man. Or watch this movie.

WOLF DEVIL WOMAN
There are three actresses whose presence in a movie exponentially increases its likelihood of being head-scratchingly bizarre. They are the high priestesses of Taiwanese weird fu.

THE BODYGUARD
No matter where Chiba hits an opponent, the guy spits blood. He could punch a Yakuza in the knee, and a bubble of thick, bright red blood would dribble over his lips.

HUNTERWALI
The most important thing that I need to communicate to you about Hunterwali is that, for the uninitiated, it will likely come across as the most yelling-est movie ever.

CHINA O’BRIEN
By the time Clouse directed China O’Brien he hadn’t worked for five years, probably because his previous project was the gymnastic-action disaster Gymkata.

TIGER CLAWS
I don’t doubt that Jalal Merhi is a great guy — after all, the same people seem to like working with him over and over — but that doesn’t make his output any easier viewing.

Like most of the Bollywood films which rely heavily on Hollywood for their inspiration, Koi… Mil Gaya (2003) displays its borrowings not brazenly but certainly unrepentantly. The main storyline is a combination of E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) and Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) with Charly (1968), but along the way there are fairly deliberate echoes of Sam Raimi’s first two Spider-Man films and even a little bit of The Absent-Minded Professor (1961). What’s notable is not the degree of borrowing, but how well it all seems to hold together.

It’s more than a year since I promised in passing that I would, at long last, be wrapping up the original Amityville series by reviewing the final entry in the franchise. So what took so long? Simple: after making that promise, I sat down and watched the damn thing.

AMITYVILLE DOLLHOUSE (1996)

An uncomfortably blended family moves into a house built by on the remains of a property that burnt down under mysterious circumstances. In the shed at the back of the property, the father finds an elaborate dollhouse, which he gives to his young daughter. But as soon as the dollhouse enters the home, the family begins to be assailed by strange and possibly deadly forces…

Having even less to do with the early films than its immediate predecessors – which is saying something – this final entry in the Amityville series almost made me glad to see the back of the entire franchise.

.

Almost.

I do love that house…

.

(And also at long last, I have reformatted The Amityville Curse (1990) and added some screenshots – such as they are; it’s not exactly the most visually arresting film.)

I normally post new reviews on Thursday, but last Thursday night I completely spaced it off. Didn’t even cross my mind until next morning in the shower. I hurried up, got things ready, and had the review posted by noon — and what did I forget then? To mention it here, naturally!

The first sign is forgetting to post your reviews. The second is forgetting to zip up. The third is forgetting to zip down.

Anyway:

On a Dark and Stormy Night (2010) is a single location psychological thriller with a handful of characters who mostly transition from living to dead. The problem is I WANTED them dead.

And this week (see, Ma, I ‘membered!):

Dying God (2008) is a cop-vs.-monster movie that was made under the mistaken philosophy that cranking all of the cliches up to 11 is as good as creativity.

In Lonely Hearts, John Travolta plays real-life detective Elmer C. Robinson, one of the chief investigators of the notorious 1940s “Lonely Hearts Killers” case. Also starring in the movie are James Gandolfini, Salma Hayek, and Jared Leto.

There’s also a French appetizer platter, if you’re in the mood for something light…

Assignment Outer Space (1960), in which Antonio Margheriti and Ennio De Cocini assure us that despite current projections to the contrary, there will still be newspapers in 2116…

Battle of the Worlds (1961), in which it’s apparently somehow possible– indeed, downright normal!– to become a professional astronomer without knowing the first thing about calculus…

Cosmos: War of the Planets (1977), in which the planets are conspicuously not at war, although one of them does insist on blasting “Tocata and Fugue in D Minor” out its windows at all hours of the night…

Georges Melies Trick Films, 1899, in which Satan invades a convent, a dancing girl bursts into flames, and Georges starts to get serious about telling an actual story…

and…

2+5 Mission Hydra (1966), in which there are sexy space girls, crappy robots, Communist spies, and savage space yetis, yet the American distributors still felt the need to add a bunch of inappropriate stock footage from Gorath and Doomsday Machine.
 
 
 

Nor are there sparkly vampires or barechested werewolves.  There is, however, an Irish widower, and possibly a ghost.

The Eclipse (2009)

There have been a number of memorable pairings in movie history, but one of the most unusual ones has to be the Academy Award-winning actor William Holden with child star Ricky Schroder in the family movie The Earthling. What’s even more surprising is the fact that both actors manage to work well with each other and together make this a memorable movie.