Just what were the people behind 10 To Midnight saying with that title? Were they saying, “10 AM to midnight”? Or “10 PM to midnight”? Or “11:50 PM”? I’m not sure, but what I do know is that when you combine Charles Bronson with producers Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus, the results are entertaining, and this effort is no exception.

Liz Taylor’s not in this one, either. But while we’re on the subject, writer/director Casper Haugegaard has shown me what’s wrong with Tennessee Williams: not enough zombies.

Opstandelsen (“The Resurrection”, 2010)

In the words of Zombie Lev Tolstoy, “All happy families are happy in the same way, but every unhappy family is blargh glarble raurggh BRAAAAAINS!” And I couldn’t agree more. Nor could the makers of this Danish zombie film… when it comes to sheer human misery, some families make the Zombie Apocalypse look mild by comparison.

Also, please note that this is one of the only movies reviewed on Braineater.com in which brains are actually eaten.

It’s a shame none of the following films starred Liz Taylor, but still

SUPERFIGHTS After Jack has a B-movie flashback to show the audience his inner turmoil, he’s ordered to meet the other fighters at a warehouse. It turns out that Sawyer is on to Budokai and puts him in an illegal caged death match with The Beast. Jack is determined to help, and with Angel’s reluctant assistance he manages to save Budokai. Jack’s number looks to be up when he faces The Beast, but he flashes his cheap pendant and Beast Remembers His Humanity. The enraged Sawyer kills The Beast and has Sally and Mrs. Cody kidnapped.

THE STRANGER The Stranger paints a skintight black outfit onto Kathy Long as The Stranger and sends her to a tiny town in the middle of the American southwest. Like every tiny town in the middle of the American southwest that ever appeared in a B-movie, this one is lorded over by a group of bikers who ride in, Mongol Horde like, every now and again to demand tribute and drink a lot of beer. The Stranger apparently has some sort of problem with the bikers, which she expresses early in the film by breaking out some poorly choreographed martial arts fury and breaking their necks.

Elizabeth Taylor was forty-one years old when she made Ash Wednesday, an age when actresses in Hollywood start to find it difficult to be cast in major Hollywood studio movies. So no doubt Taylor was starting to feel the pressure of appearing at her very best, both in looks and with her acting ability. One might wonder before watching this movie if Taylor was able to perform at her best with these pressures, as well as wonder if Taylor was able to appear as the beautiful woman the other characters in the movie feel her character is. After watching the movie, I can tell you with full confidence that whatever faults the movie might have, none of them have to do with Taylor. Taylor still had it – pity so much of the rest of the movie falls short of being satisfying.

TARKAN VS. THE VIKINGS

Tarkan is a string bean with a moustache, the Vikings wear pastel bath rugs instead of furs, and there is even a real, live inflatable octopus. This movie is almost 100% pure kitsch.

Review Snippet:
Speaking of appearances and things not looking like they are supposed to look, let’s discuss the hero. Based upon the cover art, Tarkan is the twin brother of Conan the Barbarian as described by Robert E. Howard and painted by Frank Frazetta. The man playing Tarkan in the movie looks nothing like that. He looks like a pink lobster wearing a silly moustache (and a bath mat). He also wears pearl eye makeup. Granted, the pearl color is an improvement over the light blue he wears in the original “Tarkan” (1969), but it still does not look particularly fearsome.

Lesson Learned:
The dog is mightier than the sword.

TARKAN VS. THE VIKINGS

Tarkan is a string bean with a moustache, the Vikings wear pastel bath rugs instead of furs, and there is even a real, live inflatable octopus. This movie is almost 100% pure kitsch.

Review Snippet:
Speaking of appearances and things not looking like they are supposed to look, let’s discuss the hero. Based upon the cover art, Tarkan is the twin brother of Conan the Barbarian as described by Robert E. Howard and painted by Frank Frazetta. The man playing Tarkan in the movie looks nothing like that. He looks like a pink lobster wearing a silly moustache (and a bath mat). He also wears pearl eye makeup. Granted, the pearl color is an improvement over the light blue he wears in the original “Tarkan” (1969), but it still does not look particularly fearsome.

Lesson Learned:
The dog is mightier than the sword.