We cannot face more porn…
Agent 69 Jensen: In the Sign of Scorpio (1977), in which the world’s horniest international supervillain tries to steal the formula for a substance that could replace oil as the planet’s primary fuel source, and only a bunch of incompetent boobs can stop him…
Agent 69 Jensen: In the Sign of Sagittarius (1978), in which the incompetent boobs return to battle an Albanian superspy who is incomprehensibly indistinguishable from a Cossack, but mostly just get sidetracked banging a bunch of sexy girls…
Children of Men (2006), in which nobody’s had a kid in eighteen years, and the world is teetering on the brink of collapse because of it…
District 9 (2009), in which aliens pick the single worst place on the entire planet to settle in on a permanent basis…
Goth Kill (2009), in which a Satanic sorcerer’s bid to make himself a prince of the underworld doesn’t go quite according to plan…
In the Sign of the Gemini (1975), in which two record company bosses embroil themselves in a series of ridiculous misadventures while competing to sign a popular cabaret singer, and there’s an enormous amount of screwing…
In the Sign of the Lion (1976), in which two batty old ladies who used to be the hottest thing in town cause a monumental scandal by publishing a novelization of their youthful sexual adventures under their young cousin’s name…
In the Sign of the Taurus (1974), in which a filthy-minded old count turns his village upside down by making the bequest of his property contingent upon the birth of an illegitimate child within a narrow window of opportunity…
and…
Six-String Samurai (1998), in which Buddy Holly battles the Grim Reaper (who’s really more of a Grim Shredder in the present context) for rulership of a post-apocalyptic America.
Most everyone tout’s Samuel Fuller’s 
As far as consolation prizes go, High Road to China is definitely a consolation prize, but not an altogether bad one. Though it looks relatively low budget when compared to Raiders of the Lost Ark, it still manages to have just enough budget to keep from looking totally cheap. Things would have been a lot better looking if the director hadn’t opted for that dainty sort of washed-out brown-and-cream color palette that looks more at home in a ponderous Merchant-Ivory production about people struggling to come to grips with their mild dislike of tea. It’s a style of filming that seems to have been particularly common for films in the 1980s that were set in the 1920s. Instead of cheering as the hero punches out bad guys and swings over pits full of snakes and hyraxes, you spend most of your time worrying that tough-but-lovable Tom Selleck is going to get crumpet crumbs on the doilies (crumpets have crumbs, right?), making Aunt Martha slightly disappointed, though she would never show such bold emotion in the company of others. But that said, as far asRaiders rip-offs go, this is one of the better ones. It helps that, though the success of Raiders of the Lost Ark is obviously why the movie got made, the movie itself doesn’t feel the need to copy the plot other than being about a lovable rogue adventurin’ around in some past time period.
Dynamite Johnson is pretty much a textbook example of a filmmaker proving his exploitation acumen by making the most of both his resources and concept. “What textbook?,” I hear you ask. “Where can I get it? Will I be tested on this?” Shut up. No such book exists. But if it did, you could certainly do worse than having Filipino producer, director and writer Bobby Suarez as its author.
In 
