So, my ongoing game of Bad Movie Word Association led me from Richard Jaeckel in a rip-off of Jaws directed by William Girdler to Richard Jaeckel in a rip-off of Willard directed by William Grefé. I was expecting a bit of idiotic fun. Instead I got something horribly akin to a shark snuff film.
Chugging along…
Apr 7
HAUSU
Collectively these girls inhabit a world straight out of a seventies Saturday morning cereal commercial, one in which people rise to greet the day with arms outstretched to the sun as cartoon rainbows play across the horizon to the strains of treacly soft rock. As Obayashi presents it, you wouldn’t be at all surprised if one of those freaky psychedelic football mascots from Syd and Marty Kroft’s PuffnStuff or Lidsville were to bound into frame at any moment. Oshare’s life outside of the group, however, is presented a little differently, though in no less cavity-promoting terms. Hers is a world of movie-fuelled romanticism with the kitsch level pushed to belligerent extremes (think Douglas Sirk on eleven): Beyond the balcony of her father’s high-rise flat, a permanent artificial sunset stretches across the sky like a glorious, lurid bruise, and, as we watch Oshare, all of the camera’s means of idealizing dewy young womanhood–gauzy soft focus, halo lighting, fan-blown hair captured in dreamy slow motion–are amped to the level of the grotesque. Taken together, the world that’s presented in the first section of Hausu is one in which a malignant, over-ripe greeting card sentimentality has poisoned the very atmosphere. And, given that, it should come as no surprise that rottenness lurks just around the corner–or, at least, just a short train ride away.
CAPTAIN BLOOD
Watching Flynn in this role, it’s hard to believe this is his first time as a leading man. He handles the role with astounding proficiency. It is impossibly not to cheer for Captain Blood, and the script provides Flynn ample opportunity to deliver stirring speeches about freedom and tyranny, punctuated by scenes of guys firing muskets and cannons and swinging from the rigging of giant sailing ships. Flynn handles his stirring speeches with the same aplomb as he does the action scenes. He is the very definition of roguish charm, and he is assisted by a series of perfect foils, which include the thoroughly loathsome Colonel Bishop and the shifty French pirate Levasseur (played brilliantly by Basil Rathbone). Although it happened somewhat by chance, it seems that, in the end, Captain Blood was constructed purely to turn Errol Flynn into the dashing, swashbuckling heartthrob he became. Recognizing the chance that has fallen into his lap, Flynn does not disappoint.
ARABIAN ADVENTURE
Lyz said of Arabian Adventure, “It is hard to imagine any but the least discriminating of viewers — of any age — really enjoying this film.” And I can’t really debate her on this matter. Instead, about all I can do is admit that it has been my goal to live the sort of life and put forth the sort of opinions that would result in my eventual tombstone reading, “America’s Least Discerning Viewer.” My other choice for an epitaph was, “It Took a Dozen Texas Marshals to Finally Bring Him Down.” Anyway, I freely admit that pretty much all of the criticisms that someone could lay at the feet of Arabian Adventure stick with the tenacity of an extra-gooey Wacky Wall Walker fresh out of the gum machine capsule. None of these should come as any shock if you are familiar with the writer-director team who brought you this movie. Because the last couple of movies they brought you were were just as bad or even worse (and yeah — I liked them, too).
Let’s play “guess the production company,” okay?
It’s a mixed cast of attractive twenty-something unknowns…
They’re confined to a single location…
Something supernatural is after them…
And the supernatural something involves legalistic rituals and rules the require a flowchart.
Still don’t have it? Final clue: Directed by David DeCoteau, written by Benjamin Carr.
That’s right! Although I have reviewed what seems like dozens of late-’90s Full Moon flicks, there are still more to be dissected!
So I have this wiki
Apr 2
The more work I have to do during the day, the more I tend to goof off. So today I installed MeidaWiki on Teleport City. Now I’m wondering what the hell to do with it. The obvious answer is something to do with cult films. Actually, the obvious answer is, “Shouldn’t you be working on your query letters so you can get out of this tech writer hell in which you currently reside and get back to being a real writer?”
But given that I’m not going to pay attention to that one, a cult film wiki seems like it might be another fun project to work hard on for a month then let linger for years. But as it would be a wiki, that means OTHER people could carry on the good work of telling people more about important stuff, like John Agar. When I’ve figured out the basic editing for the front page, I’m gonna let this sucker loose on people to work on for free!
Completely gratuitous? A waste of time? Absolutely.
I would cal this a sneak peek if it was anything other than the vanilla default front page that comes with the install: http://www.teleport-city.com/mediawiki/index.php/Main_Page
Todd saves us from becoming the “all skull mask guys, all the time” website.
Delinquent Girl Boss: Blossoming Night Dreams
Blossoming Night Dreams is the first in the Delinquent Girl Boss series, as well as Toei’s first entry in the Pinky Violence genre. Spurred to jump into the game by the success of Nikkatsu’s Stray Cat Rock series of female delinquent films, the studio would go on to make the PV genre their own through more brazenly exploitative franchises like the aforementioned Terrifying Girls’ High School and Female Prisoner Scorpion films. At the time of this film, the template that those later films followed had yet to be set, and so, while there is a fair share of boobs and blood on display, there’s nowhere near as much as would become standard within a couple years. Furthermore–and again unlike perennial PV stars Miki Sugimoto and Reiko Ike–Oshida was not required to shed her clothing for her role, leaving the burden of baring all upon her supporting stars.
…It just kind of turned out that way.
The Black Sleep (1956), in which Le Borg is just a little too early to take advantage of the late-50’s resurgence of gothic horror…
Calling Dr. Death (1943), in which Le Borg’s most determinedly noir-ish efforts are simply not enough to overcome one of the dumbest ostensible mystery scripts in creation…
Things to Come (1936), in which H. G. Wells embarrasses progressively inclined admirers everywhere by trumpeting the virtues of Science Fascism…
The 3 Worlds of Gulliver (1960), in which Charles Schneer hires Ray Harryhausen to do Bert I. Gordon’s job…
and…
Trader Horn (1931), in which nearly everything you’ve ever seen go wrong in an old-school jungle movie stubbornly refuses to put in an appearance.
Eine Bestie läuft Amok!
Mar 29
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: an enormous animal unexpectedly kills a young woman. Other attacks follow, including one on a little boy. A law enforcement officer teams up with a cynical war veteran and an eccentric naturalist in an attempt to put a stop to the killing. Meanwhile, local authorities hamper their efforts because of fear of damage to the economy if news of the attacks becomes public….
Yup, you guessed it: GRIZZLY (1976)
THE PHANTOM OF SOHO
So for the past month or so, I have been almost entirely unable to sleep properly, averaging about three hours a night. I have used that time in a variety of constructive ways which include working on a book, writing Teleport City reviews, watching movies, reading history books, and playing Wii Sports — which I’m sure my downstairs neighbors appreciate at three in the morning. Anyway, this review is a product of a recent sleepless night, and my mental state is evidenced by the fact that, in the middle of a modest review of a movie about a killer stalking London’s Soho district, I somehow end up spending an entire paragraph or two talking about the diplomatic battle over whether England or France had rightful ownership to the mustache of Kaiser Wilhelm. It really has nothing to do with the movie itself, and I apologize.
Anyway, it’s another guy dressed up as a skeleton. I honestly didn’t plan to be one of the world’s foremost authorities on movies where guys dress up as skeletons, but it seems I’m well on my way to that throne. I’ll start growing my Kaiser Wilhelm mustache today.