A real obscurity here… and for good reasons. The Baltimore Bullet is a complete waste of time despite its notable cast.
Someone just shoot me
Feb 16
While I’m finishing up my first “20th Anniversary” Roundtable entry, it’s time for me to catch up on another missed Roundtable from last year:
For some reason, llamas were extremely popular as Christmas decorations in 2018. We had llama tree ornaments, llama greeting cards, llama wrapping paper, llama stuffed toys, inflatable light-up llamas for our yards… “Fa-la-la-la-llama,” they said.
Even after Christmas, the llama theme has continued, with llama candy boxes, more stuffed llama toys, and cards celebrating “Va-llama-ntine’s Day”. I’m waiting for the inevitable llam-rechauns on St. Alpac-trick’s Day.
If more people had seen our movie for today, these gentle South American pack animals might not be quite as popular.
Introducing Qarqacha: El demonio del incesto (“Jarjacha, the Demon of Incest”), a regional Peruvian horror film from 2002, in which people guilty of incest turn into murderous were-llamas. I’ll say it again: WERE-LLAMAS. Even for a genre that’s given us human beings turning into cicadas, reindeer, or sentient puddles of oil, this… is a little weird.
Will Laughlin is the Braineater.
I’d rather play Galaxian for 24 hours straight than watch any five minutes of Joysticks ever again.
Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.
Terrifying but true: 2019 marks the 20th anniversary of the founding of the B-Masters.
There have been many changes across those years, but our love of weird and wonderful films and our desire to share that love with our friends remains the same.
While we marked our 10-year anniversary via a reproduction-of-sorts of our first ever Roundtable, with all of us reviewing the same film, for this our 20th we’ve decided upon a different approach: an approach that allows us both to celebrate the joint venture that is the B-Masters, while also highlighting our individual strengths and passions.
This year, therefore, instead of individually-themed Roundtables, we are going to have four linked topics that reflect the aims of each of our sites.
First up, we’ll be going back to basics—with reviews that illustrate the “core competencies” of each of the B-Masters, those particular areas of interest that were a significant impetus in the founding of our sites in the first place:
Please join us throughout February for Part 1 of our 20th anniversary celebration!
Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!
I give it the boot
Jan 27
The presence of the dancing (and singing) Christopher Walken almost – but not quite – makes the Golan-Globus produced family movie Puss In Boots worth slogging through.Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.
With the skill of the legendary director Isaac Florentine, Special Forces overcomes its limitations, succeeding more than it stumbles.Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.
Doesn’t build up to much
Jan 8
The makers of The Carpenter managed to get Wings Hauser in the title role, but like a carpenter without his tool belt, Hauser had little to work with.Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.
Holiday stuff is still technically relevant until Sunday. Or if that doesn’t convince you, just pretend I’m Russian Orthodox…
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982), in which an interesting experiment in franchise theory goes careening off the rails…
Horror Express (1972), in which what sounds like an Agatha Christie riff is actually a fair approximation of “Who Goes There?”…
Murder by the Clock (1931), in which the “clock,” for the record, is the methodical operation of the villainess’s mind…
and…
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978), in which I still don’t entirely believe what I saw.
El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.
Resolving to be resolute
Dec 31
You’re probably expecting another New Year’s post full of excuses and apologies, right?
I think we can take that as read by now.
Instead, I thought we’d try to accentuate the positive: this is – terrifyingly enough – another anniversary year for the B-Masters; and we are currently putting our heads together over the best way to mark the occasion.
In the meantime, we offer the most sincere thanks and gratitude to our visitors for sticking by us. Fingers crossed for a kind and productive year!
Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!
Get on the bus
Dec 29
Although the basic idea of Exit Speed isn’t anything new, the execution of the idea this time around is very well done.Keith Bailey is the proprietor of The Unknown Movies Page.