The B-Masters Cabal

Although Society isn’t a perfect movie, it is almost certainly quite unlike any movie you’ve seen before. Especially its unforgettable ending.

Normally I applaud when any movie gets released on Blu-ray, but the recent announcement that Windows will be released on that format leaves me utterly bewildered. Is there really an audience for this?

Though it contains plenty of weirdness like a woman giving birth to a fully grown man, Xtro ultimately fails due to a script that contains both little story and little believable behavior by its characters.

There are enough reasons to explain why you’ve probably never heard of Kid Colter, a family movie that lacks enough spark to engage kids or their parents.

If you can find the rare uncut version, Fugitive Girls will prove to be a perfect mix of soft-core material and unintentional silliness.

The Dolph Lundgren actioner Command Performance is without doubt a rip-off of Die Hard, but it’s one of the better imitations out there.

New stuff at last:

Arrival (2016), in which talking to aliens is a lot harder when you don’t have a Universal Translator and they don’t watch “Galaxy Quest”…

The Crying Woman (1933), in which a native spook ushers in the first era of indigenous horror movie production in Mexico…

The House that Dripped Blood (1971), in which the rent is too damn high, however little the landlord is charging…

Magic (1978), in which dummies don’t have to be animate to scare the crap out of you…

Monster (1953), in which the Brainiac guy vomits the half-digested remains of every fright flick he’s ever seen back onto the screen…

Rogue One (2016), or Star Wars, Episode III.XCV…

Scream (1981), which is not the one you’re thinking of…

and…

The Vampire (1957), which, come to think of it, might also not be the one you’re thinking of.

Matthew Broderick trying to out-cute a chimpanzee? Meh. A contemporary updating of 80s sex comedies? No thank you.

William Castle, recycled cartoons and a brain in a jar? I am sooo there!

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PROJECT X (1968)

…in which the future of “the West” hangs in the balance while desperate attempts are made to restore a secret agent’s wiped memories: a process which involves a budget-conscious recreation of the 1960s and a little mad science…

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Not the 2006 horror movie of the same name, this particular Slither movie is instead a kooky and charming exercise that could only have come out of the 1970s.

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So, which of these three films of the same title will I be reviewing—

(A) An Oscar-bait drama about race relations in Los Angles?

(B) A controversy-bait drama about literal autoerotica?

or

(C) A low-budget, Hal Needham-esque, The-Exorcist-meets-The-Amazing-Dobermans horror film about a possessed key-ring?

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Pretty obvious when I put it like that, huh?

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CRASH! (1976)

…in which Charles Band takes his very first baby steps towards a killer doll film…

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