Then get ready for a tale of action, tragic love, and most of all, tragic music, and be prepared to rock the night away with Knight Rider: The Ballad of Stevie and Michael, Part 2. 

Did you know that Michael Knight once got married, lost his wife, and tracked down her killer all in one VERY SPECIAL episode of Knight Rider?  I did.  I saw that show back in the ’80s and never forgot its glory.  I knew I was destined to review it one day.

Did you know that the woman Michael married had in previous seasons twice appeared on the show before?  I didn’t.  Hoist on my own petard again.

With the conjunction of Valentine’s Day and Sunday’s premiere of the new Knight Rider movie on NBC, the stars aligned.  Thus today do I post a review of the first chapter of the great tragic romantic saga, one that puts the Bard to shame.  I like to call this tale THE BALLAD OF STEVIE AND MICHAEL.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

I could say that this week’s new review, 3 Dev Adam (1973) was chosen not only as part of the Cabal’s “Ottoman Empire Strikes Back” roundtable, but specifically to coincide with the unveiling of the “new” Captain America in the Marvel Universe. But no, it’s just a happy happenstance, the kind upon which my life is built.

Well, I can hardly let Lyz be the only B-Master to chime in on the “Ottoman Empire Strikes Back” round table!

KILINK STRIP AND KILL
We soon learn that Kilink has to attend a conference in New York, and I was instantly chilled by the thought of Kilink checking his Blackberry obsessively while sitting in a board room where Killing was explaining the robust, enterprise-wide solution that would shift the paradigm of the entire “grown men dressed up as skeletons” corporation. That said, I also started thinking about how much cooler my own conferences and meetings would be if I or someone started showing up to them wearing a black body stocking with bones painted on it.

Jabootu contributor Chris Magyar jumps on a cinematic bomb and has the (head and stomach) aches to prove it.  From the way he tells it, Lindsey Lohan’s already infamous I Know Who Killed Me certainly knows how to leave a viewer, not to mention every other damn thing, blue.  We can only await with fervor the inevitable sequels, I Still Know Who Killed Me and I’ll Always Know Who Killed Me.

Three weeks or so ago, I braved the frozen, wind-blasted hellscape that is Chicago in the depths of winter in order to watch 24 uninterupted hours of crummy movies.  This is what we call “dedication”– that or “complete idiocy.”  Either way, this is what I saw that I hadn’t gotten around to reviewing yet:

Barbarella (1968), in which we note that director Roger Vadim was married to star Jane Fonda at the time, and find ourselves once again wondering if maybe it’s not too late yet to work on becoming both a Serious Artist and French…

Black Samson (1974), in which the mafia is no match for a bartender with a lion and a stick…

Tentacles (1977), in which a bunch of washed-up old actors with formidable reputations somehow never quite get around to interacting with a giant octopus…

The Undying Monster (1942), in which the Baskerville Curse is real, and the Hound is a werewolf…

and…

Zardoz (1974), in which John Boorman can afford far better drugs than the rest of us.

First, Teleport City has finally managed to expand itself somewhat and add a couple new writers. That’s our hoopla. And to celebrate, new reviews from the new blood:

Mr. India
The film boasts alternately maudlin and jingoistic appeals to patriotism, a small army of aggressively cute children who are shamelessly exploited for cheap pathos whenever the script requires, broad physical comedy of the slide-whistle and bass drum variety, and a corny super hero plot that doesn’t even get going until halfway through the film’s three hour running time–all elements that would seem lab-tested to make Mr. India hard to love by anyone with a sensible thought in their head. Nonetheless, as much as I tried to distance myself by taking in Mr. India as an inept freak show loaded with overheated propaganda, there came that fateful moment during the second hour, right after one of those child-fueled moments of cheap pathos, when I felt a familiar lump growing in my throat. And with that lump came a strangled, tear-choked voice, urging the hero on to avenge the terrible wrong that had been done: “You get those bastards, Mr. India!”

Plus, Jet Set Cinema looks at Shaw Brothers spyjinks: Temptress of a Thousand Faces

And Shrimp Chips tear into: Karamurat Seyh Gaffara Karsi and  Rome Armed to the Teeth.

This doesn’t pertain to the B-Masters in particular, but it seems like the sort of info visitors here would be interested in. For those wondering how they schedule 50 moves in three days, some do run concurrently in different venues:

Franklin Indiana will be hosting the Second Annual B Movie Celebration September 26th thru 28th, 2008. We are asking for your help to get the word out. The Celebration will feature screenings of over 50 classic B movies, 20 Educational seminars and the World’s Largest Beach Party, featuring the music of The Moon-Rays.

Our Film Line Up

The Celebration will feature screenings of over 50 classic B movies, Many in glorious 35mm. Our Line Up, which has been curated by Jim Wynorski Includes:
SHOGUN ASSASSIN
FORBIDDEN WORLD
DEATH RACE 2000
HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD
THIS ISLAND EARTH
TARANTULA
CARNIVAL OF SOULS
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
NIGHT OF THE COMET
BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS
THE GIANT BEHEMOTH
QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE
WORLD WITHOUT END
RUSS MEYER’S UP
FROM HELL IT CAME
ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS
NOT OF THIS EARTH(the black and white original)
THE BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS
THE 7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD
EARTH VS. THE FLYING SAUCERS
WITHOUT WARNING
SCREWBALLS
GALAXY OF TERROR
HOUSE
THE CRAWLING EYE
ATTACK OF THE 50FOOT WOMAN
PSYCHO
JOURNEY TO THE SEVENTH PLANET
INVISIBLE INVADERS
ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES
TERMINAL ISLAND
NIGHTHAWKS
MYSTERIOUS ISLAND(61)
ONE MILLION B.C.
INVADERS FROM MARS(53)
TO TRAP A SPY
HOLD THAT GHOST
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN
TWINS OF EVIL
THE VAMPIRE LOVERS
LUST FOR A VAMPIRE
THE TIME MACHINE
WAR OF THE WORLDS

A Retrospective of The Films of Jim Wynorski

Against the Law-Wynorski Film
Demolition High -Wynorski FIlm
976-Evil II -Wynorski Film
The Haunting of Morella-Wynroski Film
Chopping Mall-Wynorski Film
Transylvania Twist -Wynorski Film

A Lifetime Achievement Award to Stuart Gordon

From his 1985 debut as a cult director with Re-Animator to his 2002 H.P. Lovecraft film “Dagon” Stuart Gordon has consistently delivered quality horror to the masses, and is now considered by many of us to be one of the most important exploitation film-makers of the past 30 years. Gordon will likely always be best remembered for “Re-Animator,” but his other films have always been great works. We are please to honor him,

His films Include
Re-Animator (1985)
Robot Jox (1989)
Daughter of Darkness (1990)
The Pit and the Pendulum (1990 film) (1990)
Fortress (1992)
Space Truckers (1996)
Dagon (2001)
King of the Ants (2003)
Edmond (2005)
Stuck (2007)

Other great guests

Tom Savini, Jim Wynorski (of course), Conrad Brooks and many many more.

For further information please go to www.bmoviecelebration.com or please email us at info@indyfilmco-op.org/

Hope to see you in Franklin Indi9ana September 26th thru 28th, 2008

Thanks for your help

Teenage Space Vampires (1998) could have been great camp fun.  Instead it’s a nonsensical Rube-Goldbergian plot fleshed out with dubbed Romanian supporting actors, showing almost none of the paranoia that an “aliens are taking over your neighbors” story should contain.

Proof, as if we needed it, that you can’t keep a good devil down! –

SEYTAN (1974)