Featuring my third Hercules in four movies, The Loves Of Hercules / Hercules Vs The Hydra sees Mickey Hargitay don the skimpy loin-cloth in his quest for the hand and heart of Queen Dianira of Oechalia, aka Jayne Mansfield, aka Mrs Mickey Hargitay.
Along the way, Hercules changes his women more often than his underwear, swaps British insults with a bunch of Italians, beats up the Greco-Roman equivalent of a pinata, and has a very close encounter with a most unfortunate cow.
#1 by Blake Matthews on December 20, 2008 - 9:14 pm
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I’ve wanted to see this movie for so many years. I can’t imagine, however, that it could be better than “Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules”, which is my favorite peplum.
#2 by lyzard on December 20, 2008 - 9:18 pm
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No, it’s not one of the better ones; its pleasures are either meta- or accidental.
#3 by Ed on December 21, 2008 - 1:42 am
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Does it say something bad about me that favorite Hercules is Kevin Sorbo?
Either way, great review, Lyz. That hydra actually looks pretty decent for the period and probable budget.
#4 by Baron Scarpia on December 21, 2008 - 4:51 am
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From the review –
I’d be embarrassed to tell you—well, actually, no, I wouldn’t; but a token protest seemed in order—how much time I put into trying to track down a widescreen, English-language print of this film.
Obviously, you know that nobody reading your review would be in any position to point and laugh without being hypocritical.
#5 by lyzard on December 21, 2008 - 2:42 pm
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That’s why I hang out here. The bane of my life is those Monday mornings at work, with the inevitable, “So, what did you do with your weekend?” questions. Oh, the lies, the lies….
Ed, the hydra looks great, but it doesn’t DO anything; and they present it in static long shots so that’s painfully clear. It needed shorter, sharper shots and better editing to disguise its immobility. As it is, it’s even less threatening than the bull.
#6 by Chadly on December 21, 2008 - 8:23 pm
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Where did you finally find your LBX version, Lyz? I love the heck out of these things but can’t find decent copies available at all aside from those 50 movie-packs. Any quality gray-marketeers out there worth the time and money?
(Oh, to see Hercules, Samson and Ulysses in its original format…)
#7 by Chadly on December 21, 2008 - 8:25 pm
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Check that. (Asking from the quote before I read the actual review. My bad.) So I’ll open the question to everyone.
#8 by lyzard on December 21, 2008 - 9:31 pm
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I actually have the NTSC-VHS Trimark version, which I assume is the same as the one they eventually put out on DVD. It is somewhat letterboxed on my system (as you can see from the grabs), but the film was shot in 2.35 and we’re nowhere near that. In those twin caps of Mickey and Jayne, obviously they’re meant to be in the same shot.
#9 by Blake Matthews on December 22, 2008 - 8:07 am
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So who could win in a fight, the Hydra or the dragon from “The Magic Sword”.
#10 by PCachu on December 22, 2008 - 9:56 am
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Blake: The audience, of course.
#11 by KeithA on December 22, 2008 - 10:25 am
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Mt favorite thing about the Trimark version of this movie is the dubbing. Never has Hercules sounded so much like he’s going to break out with the the “I say, old chap!”
#12 by lyzard on December 22, 2008 - 2:28 pm
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“Far be it from me to commit a sacrilege, old chap!”
The other great bit is his speech to Hippolya, when he pronounces “raft” as “RAWWWWFT” – “Tossed like a rawwwwft in a mad tempest!”
#13 by supersonic on December 22, 2008 - 10:42 pm
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zomg mickey hargitay teabags a cow lolx0rs
#14 by lyzard on December 22, 2008 - 11:44 pm
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I couldn’t have put it better myself. Old chap.
#15 by The Rev. D.D. on December 27, 2008 - 4:05 pm
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Great, it’s bad enough I want the dragon prop from The Magic Sword; now I’ve got this hydra too.
Man, imagine the fun I could have with those damn things. And not just enacting mock battles with them. I could set up some sort of funhouse for all my friends with these things that would kick utter and total ass.