My one-month sabbatical is over, and there’s really no better way for me to get back into the swing of things than with the material for which I’m so well known:
Killer dolls.
Pages
- About the Cabal
- Full Index of Reviews
- Roundtables
- 01: Brainathon ’99
- 02: Bangs'n'Whimpers
- 03: Post-Apocalypso
- 04: Review All Monsters
- 05: Pretty Mad Scientists
- 06: Tainted Love
- 07: Days of Future Past
- 08: Secret Santa
- 09: Catch a Throwing Star
- 10: Four-Color Features
- 11: Big Bugs
- 12: Fish With Bicycles
- 13: Go Go Go-Go Boys!
- 14: paLe IMITATIONS
- 15: We're Gonna Need a Bigger Roundtable
- 16: Whoa… Deja Vu.
- 17: Month of the Living Dead
- 18: B-Masters Beach Party
- 19: Kinji Fukasaku – The Man No Genre Could Tame.
- 20: Home Video Holocaust – The Video Nasties
- 21: Father Dearest: Who's Your Daddy?
- 22: So Sorry…
- 23: Back to the Well
- 24: Another Month of the Living Dead
- 25: The Ottoman Empire Strikes Back
- 26: Rubber Soul
- 27: Shhhhhh
- 28: Month of the Alternative Living Dead
- 29: On Time & Under Budget
- 30: These Kids Today…
- 31: Mea maxima culpa
- 32: Stingathon ’09
- 33: 10,000 B.S.
- 34: Foot Notes
- 35: Don’t Touch That Dial!
- 36: He Conquered the World
- 37: Secret Santa’s Revenge
- 38: At the Movies of Madness
- 39: They Might Be Giants
- 40: The Other Elizabeth Taylor
- 41: The Dark Guys of London
- 42: Falling Stars
- 43: To Be or Not To Be! (Pilot Error)
- 44: Teeth and Tentacles
- 45: Brunoween
- 46: Howl of the B-Masters
- 47: It’s Alive!
- 48: Bad, Black and Beautiful
- 49: Don’t Quit Your Day Job
- 50: B-Mentia 15
- 51: Quelle Horreur!
- 52: Carradine, Thou Wayward Son!
- 53: Tall, Dark and Gruesome
- 54: Pets Gone Wild
- 55: The Bad Place
- 56: From The Bible To Barbarella
- 57: A Fistful Of Pennies
- 58: Hello, Dolly
- 59: No, Not That One!
- 60: Dr Terror’s House Of Honours
- 61: WTF!?
- 62: In The Key Of B
- 63: The Forgotten Dawn Of Horror
- 64: The Most Dangerous Roundtable
- 65: Room For One More
- 66: Were-WHAT?
- 67: The China Anniversary Syndrome
- 68: The China Anniversary Syndrome: Part 2
- 69: The China Anniversary Syndrome: Part 3
- 70: The China Anniversary Syndrome: Part 4
- The Links We Love
#1 by El Santo on July 2, 2010 - 7:32 am
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They brought back Lorca without Sheila? BOOOOO!!!!
#2 by The Rev. D.D. on July 2, 2010 - 7:57 am
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They brought back Jack Attack and Baby Oopsie-Daisy without Grizzly Teddy and Mr. Static? BOOOOO!!!!
#3 by Nathan Shumate on July 2, 2010 - 8:20 am
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That’s right — they failed to satisfy fans of two different franchises at once! We call that “ambition,” folks!
#4 by Chris S. on July 2, 2010 - 8:46 am
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Fans? FANS?!? Full Moon doesn’t have fans! It has victims.
#5 by The Rev. D.D. on July 2, 2010 - 11:19 am
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Definitely not a fan; the first one was meh, vs. Dollman was atrocious and infuriating, and despite myself I will probably never see this one or vs. Puppet Master.
I just liked the killer teddy bear and robot because they didn’t have a constant annoying laugh (Jack) or crack horrible jokes (Baby). They were pretty quiet, save a few growls or electronic beeps and hums, and just went about their business of murdering supporting characters.
#6 by Blake on July 2, 2010 - 9:00 am
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When you finish your book, are you going to walk away from Charles Band without so much as a backwards glance?
#7 by Nathan Shumate on July 2, 2010 - 9:30 am
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There won’t really be much left, will there? (Actually, the Empire and early Full Moon stuff is mostly being handled by other writers.)
#8 by MatthewF on July 2, 2010 - 9:14 am
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Ah…tough times for the Band empire. I wonder just how few dvds they have to sell to justify making the movie? gotta be pretty small I’m thinking.
These days someone like Asylum seems like Paramount in Comparison.
#9 by Baron Scarpia on July 2, 2010 - 10:37 am
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There’s just one thing about this film that really gets me.
Who on earth gets a reputation for carbon-dating toys?
#10 by Nathan Shumate on July 2, 2010 - 11:07 am
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I know. A wooden toy gets carbon-dated the same way any other wooden object would be. And it’s not like Butterfield actually carbon-dates anything; he looks at Divoletto through a magnifying glass for under ten seconds. No one said he was an expert in that.
#11 by Read MacGuirtose on July 2, 2010 - 1:01 pm
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That’s how he carbon-dates toys. By looking at them through a magnifying glass.
It doesn’t matter that it’s scientifically impossible, or that that’s not how carbon-dating works. He’s just that good.
#12 by Nathan Shumate on July 2, 2010 - 2:05 pm
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Mr. Butterfield, Radiocarbon Savant.
#13 by Not-So-Great Cthulhu on July 2, 2010 - 11:41 am
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I think that “being in a Charles Band” movie could be considered a reasonable justification for violence. Or despair.