I must have kicked Liz’s cat one time and forgot. Although apparently, according to Freeman, I’ve somehow ended up being the Cabal’s official punching bag: “Apparently all of us were waiting by our computers with something horrible in our hands, hoping against hope that we would get Ken. There is also the probability that there was a muttered chant of “Oh please oh please oh please” as we rocked back and forth, like preschoolers awaiting word from their parents that they may charge downstairs on Christmas morning.”
Well, the woman is deadlier than the male, and sadly for me, Liz drew the lucky straw. Better I had gotten assigned the secret lost sequel to Prayer of the Rollerboys than the plodding, endless jungle hell that is Bo Derek’s Tarzan the Ape Man.
““Well, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”
#1 by Blake on December 24, 2010 - 11:48 am
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Lyz gave Ken the gift that just keeps on giving, didn’t she?
#2 by PB210 on December 24, 2010 - 12:35 pm
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After this O’Keefe film reached theaters in 1981, Christopher Lambert played Tarzan in Greystoke (1984) and then Casper Van Dien played Tarzan in a 1998 film. Tarzan has not appeared in theaters in live action since.
If you consider how regularly Tarzan films reached theaters from 1918 to 1968, the scarcity of Tarzan films in theaters in recent decades seems odd. If Johnston McCulley’s Zorro could make a comeback, one wonders why Tarzan has not, aside from changing views on cultural sensitivity. Oddly, Johnston McCulley’s work has fallen out of print, while one can easily find Burroughs novels in mainstream bookstores today.
#3 by lyzard on December 24, 2010 - 1:45 pm
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In my own defence, I would like to point out that Ken promised me a review of this almost nine years ago. HIs mistake wasn’t tangling with a woman: it was tangling with an obsessive-compulsive with a memory like a sink-trap.
I would also like to point out that through several cycles of Roundtable discussions, Ken has repeatedly bitched that the topics we were picking didn’t offer enough really bad material…
#4 by kbegg on December 24, 2010 - 1:53 pm
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Just because I wanted a good fight didn’t mean I wanted to get tossed in a thresher. Thank goodness she and John only made two more movies; now I only have to avoid them to lead a happy, productive life.
And clearly I was drunk when I made that promise…and I’ve never been drunk.
#5 by drfreex on December 24, 2010 - 5:13 pm
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JUNGLE HELL???? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
#6 by kbegg on December 24, 2010 - 5:35 pm
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You have your Jungle Hell, sir…I have mine.
Ironically, mine rather lacks for elephants.
#7 by Braineater on December 24, 2010 - 5:39 pm
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Yeah, but for some reason it’s got orangutans. That’s odd.
#8 by Ed on December 24, 2010 - 8:19 pm
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Brian Blessed as Tarzan, this is the sort of mental image I love this kind of review for. Good stuff, Ken.
#9 by Braineater on December 24, 2010 - 9:20 pm
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“Aaaa-ee-aa-ee–DIVE! DIIIIIVE!”
Actually, a nagging memory made me look up Brian Blessed at the IMDb… and sure enough, he did provide a voice on the Tarzan animated film. Unfortunately, it wasn’t Tarzan’s. So close… so very close.
#10 by JessicaR on December 24, 2010 - 11:54 pm
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A friend and I had a good time riffing this as it’s one of my favorite types of bad movie, the piece of trash that thinks it’s an Art Film. The music and cinematography are great, and they’re in service of a story that is one embarassed John Saxon performance and piece of animal atrocity footage from being a Cannibal Holocaust knockoff. Mrs. Derek’s anti-acting ability is something to behold too.
#11 by Thomas on December 25, 2010 - 11:54 pm
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What is wrong with Bo Derek’s eyes?
#12 by supersonic on December 26, 2010 - 7:36 pm
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Given that they may have gotten the idea for the mud painting from Mountain of the Cannibal Gods, the possibility of this having been inspired by an Italian gut-muncher can’t be ruled out.
#13 by Camassia on December 27, 2010 - 6:17 pm
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I saw a TV version of this a few years back with the nudity removed, and I assumed there was a sex scene that got cut out. Seems that they really did just make eyes at each other the whole time though. How odd.