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On the sixth day of Christmas, Keith Allison gave to me—
…and I don’t forgive him, even if that does rhyme rather nicely.
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Hey, you know what? This entire project has been an exercise in how some people just cannot take a hint. Reviewing this was comparatively easy; comparatively. Getting to review it was something else, a process encompassing the mysterious transfer of the wrong file, a corrupt file, a file that took six hours to download, a computer that refused to play the downloaded file despite its declared compatibility, more downloading, suddenly corrupt add-ons that stopped Internet Explorer opening, a computer that refused to acknowledge it held a disc and therefore refused to eject it until rebooted, a playback program that gave me sound but no picture, and a different playback program that kept hiding its control functions and also refusing to bring them back without rebooting. Oh, and just now, while I was drafting this, WordPress refused to let me insert a link, and I had to do a crash-course in HTML to make it go in.
There is scarcely anything more than Keith’s and my collective technology could have done to warn me off this movie, short of suddenly fusing together like a transformer, taking on human form, and shaking me violently by the shoulders while screaming, “DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM, YOU SILLY COW!!!!” into my face. But did I listen? Noooooooo…
[Some partial nudity in screenshots, so probably NSFW.]
#1 by RogerBW on December 21, 2010 - 8:44 am
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Looking at the poster… yeah, it does indeed sound about as action-packed as 2001: A Space Odyssey.
…um, no, I’m fairly sure even an exotic-metabolismed alien will recognise what water is. Either it’s a crucial part of her metabolism, or it’s a horrid corrosive poison that’s present on most bodies she might land on.
Is Lithan wearing more eye-shadow than Belle Star? Sure looks like it in the “uncontrollable sexual attraction” screengrab.
#2 by Braineater on December 21, 2010 - 2:44 pm
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“… and what is this we’re breathing? (sniff, sniff) It appears to be some sort of exotic nitrogen-oxygen mix…”
Thinking of recognizing the obvious, shouldn’t they have deployed the Epsilon Plan before the whole planet was destroyed?
#3 by lyzard on December 21, 2010 - 3:23 pm
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Given that even when it’s been deployed, it is profoundly unclear whether “the Epsilon Plan” is a weapon, an attack manoeuvre or a means of escape, I’m prepared to cut them some slack on that point.
On the other hand, there wasn’t much point in Zaron sending out his remote-controlled fighters in order do avoid sacrificing human (?) lives, and thus keeping his fighter pilots on a space station that was self-evidently about to be BLOWN UP.
#4 by lyzard on December 21, 2010 - 3:27 pm
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Some of the other posters were prettier, but the combination of 2001 and Def-Con – just Def-Con – on that one got it pride of place.
It’s about even in the eye-makeup stakes. The difference is that Belle Star reacts to everything by opening her eyes as wide as she can, and Lithan by screwing his eyes shut, so his is more obvious.
#5 by KeithA on December 21, 2010 - 12:36 pm
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I regret nothing!
I always thought that Oraclon gave off a distinctly Funkadelic vibe. If only his primary minion had been the guy in the diaper and cape. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8vBDET3kbI
#6 by DamonD on December 24, 2010 - 7:13 am
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Oraclon…wow, just wow. Earth Wind and Fire would cry themselves to sleep realising they’d never look as fabulous as him.