COWEB As for us fans of the genre, we had nowhere to go. Cynthia Rothrock came back to the United States, but her movies here were mostly terrible. Hong Kong couldn’t come up with anything better than CGI’ing around Charlene Choi and Maggie Q. There was no action actress who instilled genuine fear in the viewer the way Sonny Chiba-trained Yukari Oshima used to be able to do. There was no one with the innocent-but-deadly charisma of Moon Lee. And there certainly wasn’t another Michelle Yeoh. Luckily, when directors and production companies decided to start making martial arts actioners again, they didn’t settle on the crop of cute pop idols and models that were slinking around the joint. If no actress in Hong Kong was going to put herself through what it took to really become an action star, then they’d just go calling elsewhere. That’s when China’s Jiang Lu-Xia picked up the phone. |
SWORN TO JUSTICE Cynthia Rothrock comes home one night to find her sister and nephew dead and a bunch of guys in her house. They smack her around a bit before she kicks their arses. A word about this. I am a sucker for women doing martial arts. I am a sucker for women in short skirts. I am a sucker for women in business suits. In this scene Cynthia does martial arts in a business suit with a short skirt. Cynthia spends much of the movie in a business suit with a short skirt, proof that the Bad Movie Gods are smiling upon the Beggar. Anyhow, while escaping the bad guys Janna bangs her head, which has the net effect of making her psychic.
Go back and read that last sentence again. Don’t worry, I’ll be here. |
#1 by Blake on January 7, 2011 - 3:33 am
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I need to see this…badly. I’m in the middle of watching SO CLOSE right now, which kind of brings back the spirit of girls n’ guns cinema that Corey Yuen was a master of (and more than anything, the movie almost accomplishes making Karen Mok look sexy, a feat in itself). Huzzah!
#2 by KeithA on January 7, 2011 - 9:44 pm
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When Karen Mok did the movie punk rocker look in OUT OF THE DARK and was then willing to go one step further and actually shaved her head for the role, I fell in love.
#3 by El Santo on January 7, 2011 - 10:24 pm
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Damn it. A Google image search on “Karen Mok shaved head” turns up a ton of pictures of Karen Mok and a ton of pictures of shaved heads, but no pictures of Karen Mok with a shaved head.
#4 by KeithA on January 7, 2011 - 10:58 pm
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This is probably a screencap I can make for you.
On the other hand, searching for “Karen Mok Bald” did turn this up:
http://www.doomedmoviethon.com/images/chowdown/fightbacktoschool3_wong2.jpg
#5 by Blake on January 17, 2011 - 6:49 am
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This is completely random, but OK: Keith, whatever became of your FIRE MONSTERS AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES review? I wanted to read that again and maybe even reference it in the review I’m writing of it right now.
#6 by El Santo on January 18, 2011 - 8:14 am
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Whatever it was, I imagine it’s the same thing that became of his old Perverse Countess review.
#7 by Blake on January 18, 2011 - 10:22 am
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Perverse Countess?
#8 by El Santo on January 18, 2011 - 11:50 am
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The first of Jesus Franco’s two porned-out versions of The Most Dangerous Game (the other is called Tender Flesh), and one of my personal movie-hunting grails. There used to be a review on Teleport City about fifteen site revamps ago, but it’s been MIA for ages now.
#9 by Blake on January 18, 2011 - 12:25 pm
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Have you looked for it via the Wayback Machine at http://www.archive.org? I used that for my bibliography on the first draft of the kung fu movie book I wrote, since his old review of Kung Fu vs. Yoga has also disappeared over the years.
#10 by KeithA on January 18, 2011 - 11:13 pm
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Damn, what is this? A theme for the week? You wouldn’t believe how many out of the blue “thirteen years ago, you reviewed such and such movie, where is it?” emails and comments I’ve gotten this week. Can’t a man look at his past work and go, “Wow, that was really bad” and retire it until such time as cgi has sufficiently advanced so that I can add additional musical numbers and a lot more jawas?
#11 by Blake on January 19, 2011 - 3:42 am
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Your description of Reg Lewis in the review I pined for was more than enough to make that a classic piece of writing. Now, if anyone else is now pining for a review of FIRE MONSTER AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES, I shall point you in the direction of my own website.
#12 by Thomas on January 21, 2011 - 12:38 am
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It is true that many of your older pieces are a lot better than you seem to think. Well, maybe not “better”, but certainly “more entertaining”.
#13 by lyzard on January 21, 2011 - 1:40 am
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My people are generally so eager to tell me that my old reviews aren’t accessible that they rush straight past that notice on my front page that reads YES, I KNOW, I’M WORKING ON IT.
Seriously, though, Keith— You need to put those bad boys back up. Many a weary work hour I’ve beguiled in that company.
#14 by The Rev. on January 21, 2011 - 8:52 am
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By the way, did you know that a lot of your older reviews aren’t accessible?
I don’t know if anyone’s pointed that out to you yet.
#15 by KeithA on January 21, 2011 - 10:38 am
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I have the old reviews. The plan was to eventually relaunch anything that was longer than a paragraph or two, and take the paragraphs and post them on the Teleport City facebook page as bonus content.
Then I finally got an xbox, and Mass Effect 2, and well…
#16 by Blake on January 21, 2011 - 11:18 am
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As I said earlier, whenever I want to read Keith’s old stuff, I just visit him via The Wayback Machine at archive.org.
#17 by The Rev. on January 21, 2011 - 12:56 pm
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For Ms. Kingsley’s stuff, for some odd reason, I find that I can type “aycyas (name of movie)” in my search engine and the first link takes me right to it. I guess it’s a cache thing. I’ve been able to revisit Wild World of Batwoman, The Relic, and Jaws that way, among others.
I’ll have to hit TWM and see about finding Keith’s older stuff.
#18 by The Rev. on March 15, 2011 - 3:10 pm
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TWM also helps with Ms. Kingsley’s stuff. I couldn’t pull up the Captain America review in my normal manner earlier today, but was able to get it off of TWM.