Tiffany creates piranhas large enough to eat a battleship. The fish never stop growing and never stop eating, despite the fact that they don’t need to eat to grow and were meant to grow to eat.
If what I just wrote doesn’t make any sense to you, then I have successfully captured the spirit of this film.
Review Snippet:
Before long, the school of rapidly growing piranhas reaches a major harbor along the river. The carnage is horrific. Not because, as you might suspect, the fish eat everything and everybody in the water. The Mega Piranhas have a startling tendency to leap out of the water at buildings. Upon crashing into a building, a fish then explodes.
Exactly why the piranhas jump into the buildings is never explained. Maybe they are attacking their own reflection, which is odd behavior for animals that travel in schools, or perhaps they are just trying to steal Wi-Fi.
Lesson Learned:
A Hyundai can outrun a Blackhawk helicopter.
#1 by Braineater on February 17, 2011 - 1:41 pm
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The tragedy is that once they took Tiffany out of her Tupperware, she had such a good time making this nonsense that she teamed up with Debbie Gibson — who got taken out of her Tupperware for “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus” — and together, they produced and starred in “Mega Python vs. Gatoroid”.
(You might want to check it out, though, because something happens at the end that almost makes it worthwhile to watch it.)
#2 by Naomi on February 17, 2011 - 2:31 pm
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Tiffany was on Celebrity Fit Club just before she started doing movies, ergo, we’re seeing the newly slender Tiffany here.
If you insist on watching this, I suggest fast-forwarding to about the halfway point. The plot will make equally as much sense, you won’t have had a chance to get sick of the characters, and you won’t have to wait for the two best parts (kamikaze piranhas, and Fitch’s low-impact aerobics combat technique).
#3 by The Rev. on February 17, 2011 - 2:54 pm
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Man, I love this stupid movie. I wonder if it’ll hold up when I watch it again. I know when I caught it that I was giggling like a loony for most of the running time, and occasionally laughing my ass off. Except for that kiss at the end, which actually made me angry. Then I remembered how much fun I had and forgave the movie as a whole, but not that scene. Never that scene.
Braineater: I’m trying to guess what you thought made MPvG “almost worth watching” there at the end. I have two guesses. If I’m right, I don’t know if I agree that it’s worth it, but I will say there are a couple of bits of retardedness throughout the movie that reach MP levels of insanity. Sadly, there’s not nearly enough of them and I found the whole thing a pretty hard slog. I will say, I was very relieved with who lived and who died.
#4 by Braineater on February 17, 2011 - 9:14 pm
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Rev, I can summarize the highlight of Mega Python vs. Gatorrhoid in one brief syllable: NOM.
(Although I did enjoy the bit at the end that implied the helicopter was unable to gain altitude because Tiffany’s well-fed posterior was keeping it earthbound.*)
But that’s a different movie. And, yes, a tougher one to sit through, because after their past “successes” the Ladies were deliberately trying to make something stupid. They did it for shits and giggles: they got the giggles, and we… well…
* EDIT: It strikes me I’m being more-than-usually mean-spirited this week. Sorry. But that is what the scene seems to be implying.
#5 by The Rev. D.D. on February 18, 2011 - 11:30 am
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OK, that was one of my two guesses, and it was enjoyable indeed. My personal highlight is also one brief syllable: BLIMP. If the rest of the movie had been that insanely stupid, I might have loved it more than MP.
(You know, I actually had the same thought about the helicopter scene.)
Their intent was apparent very early in, and I braced myself…but apparently not enough. They did seem to enjoy themselves, which is good. I just wish we could’ve enjoyed it as much as they did.
#6 by Jen S on February 20, 2011 - 11:01 pm
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My husband loves Tiffany. He came in during the end of MPvG, and I asked whether he preferred the lithe gazelle of Debbie Gibson or the barely contained lucious charms of Tiff in her black party dress (double stick tape is your friend!) and he said, with great sincerity, “Oh, Tiffany. Man, I’d hit that.”
I then informed him he had just missed the two of them mudwrestling in swamp, and he went into a pout and refused to speak to me the rest of the night.
#7 by The Rev. on February 21, 2011 - 1:15 pm
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I have to admit, the catfight was pretty fun, although the two lines following the end of said catfight about made me throw my remote at the screen. Siffy will probably replay it in a month or so. He can catch it then. (Don’t pay for the privilege; it’s not worth it.)
I would probably lean toward Tiffany over Debbie, since I hate it when a woman gets so thin that I can see their ribs or sternum in their cleavage (although Debbie still looked pretty good otherwise). If we could Brundlefly the two, I think we’d have one smokin’ hot babe.
#8 by Andrew on February 23, 2011 - 2:16 pm
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Wait, this is the slender version of Tiffany? Or do you mean she appeared on the show after “Mega Piranha?”
In her defense, which is something that I do not leap to, but rather begrudgingly perform, her singing at the end is probably the best song from any Asylum movie I have seen. The song is not well-matched to the movie, but that can be said of most of the soundtracks to Asylum films.