Yes, it’s a bit behind my usual schedule, but here’s the review roundup for this year’s B-Fest. The 2011 lineup was heavy on films I’d already covered, so as a special bonus, I’ve also reviewed a film from the 2009 schedule, which slipped through the cracks due to my being too busy with band business to do B-Fest reviews at all that year.
Mama Dracula (1980), in which hematologists get into more crap…
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), in which the roster of terrible B-movie vacation spots expands to include the El Paso hinterland…
Megaforce (1982), in which the good guys always win– even in the 80’s…
and…
The Pumaman (1980), in which flying like a moron is the least of our hero’s sub-standard qualities.
#1 by craig york on March 28, 2011 - 12:00 pm
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Its always a better monday when I find another handful of reviews at 1000 Mispent Hours… and this week was no exception. I remember seeing Megaforce in the theaters when it was new, and while I don’t remember it fondly, I’ll look at it with a
slightly more relaxed eye the next time it crosses the radar…The review of Pumaman, though…
anybody who invokes the Barling Bomber is on my list
of heros of the obscure. I haven’t looked for that one on
Youtube yet, but I don’t doubt its there.
#2 by Doc on March 28, 2011 - 2:03 pm
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Craig said it all for me, but it being my birthday, El Santo’s reviews are an extra special present today.
#3 by PB210 on March 28, 2011 - 4:18 pm
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From the Megforce review:
It was no easy matter to make the stupidest action movie of the whole 1980’s.
There were ninjas in the Earth in those days, and some of them had the power to come back from the dead and possess an ersatz Jennifer Beals.
—-Ninja III: The Domination
Sylvester Stallone challenged the Viet Cong to a rematch, then helped the heroic Taliban kick the Russians out of Afghanistan.
—-Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rambo III
Charles Bronson solved the crack problem with a ten-pound pistol,
Death Wish IV: The Crackdown (he actually used several other weapons as well-if anyone ever reviews this film, carefully note that they stole a plot point from The Saint in New York)
Chuck Norris proved that cheap beer beat spinach as the poor man’s super-soldier serum,
Delta Force? (they handed out Budweisers at the end of the film)
and the traditional arsenal of vigilante heroes expanded to include flamethrowers and weaponized monster trucks.
The Exterminator II
Teenagers could subjugate Libya with the aid of Louis Gossett Jr. and a stolen F-16,
Iron Eagle
or liberate a supine America from the conquering hordes of Fidel Castro, and audiences would bat nary an eyelash.
Red Dawn
From the Pumaman review:
“and then it would be that stupid-ass Adam West Batman movie from 1966”.
Not to defend that film, but it did not stray that far from the feel of the comic books from 1944-to-1964. As the poster Count Karnstein pointed out, those comic books:
http://monsterkidclassichorrorforum.yuku.com/search/topic/topic/14587
“had giant pennies and stuffed dinosaurs, was wearing caveman, zebra, and rainbow costumes, teamed up with Bat-Mite, split in two, melded with Superman, fought a living #2 pencil, drowned in giant gravy boats and menaced by giant sized water pistols, tennis rackets, and all sorts of insane absurdities long before the Batman movie or tv show were released….Dozier was bringing the characters to the screen in the manner in which they had been portrayed in the comics. Was there ever a silly, absurd, ridiculous Green Hornet comic book? If so, it’s escaped my attention for the better part of 40 years. Did we ever see a Caveman Green Hornet or a Green Hornet in a rainbox/zebra/dayglo red suit? Did we ever see Green Hornet being drowned in a giant gravy boat or being chased by aliens and dinosaurs? Was there ever an Ace the Green Hornet Dog? How about a Hornet-Mite?
No? I didn’t think so. There’s your answer. It’s literally that simple. Dozier was taking characters and putting them on the screen. Green Hornet was always played straight and serious in the comics/strips/radio, so he was done that way for tv. Batman was as absurd, silly, goofy, and ridiculous as anything else that has ever appeared in comics, and so that’s how he appeared on-screen”.
#4 by PB210 on March 28, 2011 - 4:45 pm
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“It [Megaforce] does, however, turn this largely forgotten and riotously crappy movie into an object lesson in the value of being second. Golden Harvest were just a hair’s breadth ahead of the zeitgeist”.
Come to think of it, if anyone ever reviews Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze (1975), they should note that Clark Savage, Jr. made his first trip to the Fortress of Solitude long before that other Clark, and that he made it to the screen six years prior to Indiana Jones.
#5 by Jen S on March 28, 2011 - 10:57 pm
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Not one, but TWO Mstied movies?? Be still my heart!
Manos. Ah, Manos, you are the gold standard of WTF? movies for all time–yes, even more than Monster A Go-Go or whatever else the blogosphere can possibly come up with. As you said, El, the whole thing was one of those truly once-in-a-lifetime conjunctions of planets and destiny and deranged meglomania that had to produce this; hell, was incapable of producing anything BUT this. There’s a reason you can’t dive right in, that you have to watch Girl In Lover’s Lane and I Accuse My Parents and Bride of the Monster and endless shorts before you can watch the MST Manos, and truly call yourself a Mistie. Just as one cannot run a spontaneous marathon, one cannot just jump right into Manos.
As for Pumaman…well. Besides everything you’ve noted, it contains one of the most bizarre, ill-thought out, moronic lines that Mike and the bots ever failed, inexplicably, to call attention to.
It’s when Tony is over at the Dutch Embassy to obstensibly assist Jane with her palentology work (right) and she has clearly been listening to his discourse upon dinos with swooning and bated breath (sure). She then sprawls on the floor in a manner more befitting sweatpants then her formal gown, and in her breathy smiley voice says the following:
“So… the dinosaurs died… because they no longer knew how to love each other.”
What? Or more to the point, what in the Flipping Fuck is that supposed to mean? Who in the hell could possibly come to that kind of conclusion from any concievable lecture on palentology? What kind of hippie love, peace and pot seduction line is this? Is is supposed to be cute, or some such horseshit?? It’s so stupid it goes beyond stupidity into some kind or bizarro alternate reality!
#6 by DamonD on March 29, 2011 - 4:37 am
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If anything saves Pumaman, it really is Miguel Ángel Fuentes. He just makes Vadinho such a capable, warm guy (as opposed to the nastier bit-part guys he tended to play in other films) and does his best to put some actual sincerity into things that he totally outshines the nominal hero.
He should’ve been the Pumaman. As opposed to “HAHAHAHA no, I mean, you look great!” guy.
#7 by El Santo on March 29, 2011 - 4:42 am
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The Norris reference is Lone Wolf McQuade, actually. There’s a delightful scene in that movie where Norris, having been buried alive inside the cabin of his truck, pops open a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon or some other comparable pisswater bastard-brew and pours it all over himself, acquiring thereby the power to drive his truck out of the earth! And speaking of trucks, although you caught the flamethrower reference in the next clause, the weaponized monster truck I had in mind was the one from the utterly insane late-80’s rape revenge movie Rolling Vengeance.
#8 by PB210 on March 29, 2011 - 4:00 pm
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The end of Mega Force reminds me of the end of Delta Force-the leader
on a motorcycle trying to reach a departing plane.
#9 by PB210 on March 29, 2011 - 5:53 pm
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“Take, for example, my “no superheroes” rule”.
Robocop 1-2 received reviews, though. Robocop derives from Judge Dredd,
Rom, and Iron Man. (Possibly the Eight Man and Deathlok, too.)
#10 by El Santo on March 29, 2011 - 6:42 pm
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None of which apart from Iron Man are in any normal sense superheroes, so your point is what, exactly?
#11 by PB210 on March 31, 2011 - 4:15 pm
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If someone could do what Rom, the Eight Man and Deathlok do after lifting weights, running laps, studying marksmanship and trigonometry, studying the martial arts/unarmed combat, then I would exclude them from the genre.
Jumping to Megaforce:
“A secret, stateless army of voluntary non-persons from all corners of the Free World?”
Remember how people complained about GI Joe as an international task force in the recent film? Well, turns out that Megaforce anticipated that, as well. Oddly, Megaforce came out in 1982, during the usually thought of jingoistic Reagan administration.
#12 by Ken on April 1, 2011 - 11:08 am
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I’m just impressed that the B-Festers(*) can sit down and watch that lineup over a weekend without suffering a psychotic breakdown. Does the festival have special insurance, in case someone sues for pain and suffering? I think some bars have similar coverage, for customers who over-indulge and then get sick.
(*) That can’t be the right term…
#13 by PB210 on April 2, 2011 - 1:21 pm
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Chuck Norris proved that cheap beer beat spinach as the poor man’s super-soldier serum
———Robin Williams played Popeye in a live action film in 1980.
(Not sure if you wanted to include that in a list of risible 1980’s adventure films. Of course, while making a live action Popeye film may seem odd, making a live action Superman film seemed the same at the time, unless one did it fully ironic. Of course, that sort of irony does not go over well without lewd content pace Austin Powers, as the Doc Savage film and Megafore show.)
#14 by Blake on April 5, 2011 - 9:45 am
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So El Santo, what is your opinion of Wesley Willis’ music?
#15 by El Santo on April 6, 2011 - 3:11 pm
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To be perfectly honest, I have no idea. Wesley Willis short-circuits my opinion-forming machinery completely.
#16 by Blake on April 7, 2011 - 4:36 am
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I saw a few “I think they’re positive, but not quite sure” comments about his music at the BMMB, so I may check one or two of those out just to say that I did.
#17 by Blake on May 2, 2011 - 7:07 pm
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I listened to my first Wesley Willis song just now: Rock n’ Roll McDonalds. It was a nice, healthy dose of “WTF did I listen to?”
#18 by PB210 on September 20, 2021 - 6:56 pm
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Chuck Norris proved that…beer beat spinach as the….super-soldier serum,
-Robin Williams played Popeye circa 1980, and the Matt Salinger Captain America film arrived circa 1990. Perhaps not quite the 1980’s, however.
#19 by PB210 on September 20, 2021 - 7:12 pm
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Robocop 1-2 received reviews, though. Robocop derives from Judge Dredd,
Rom, and Iron Man. (Possibly the Eight Man and Deathlok, too.)
____________________________________________________________________________
None of which apart from Iron Man are in any normal sense superheroes, so your point is what, exactly?
____________________________________________________________________________
Jeff Rovin included all but perhaps the Eight Man in his 1985 encyclopedia, which received a review in the New York TImes by Lee Falk.
https://whowatchesthewatchers.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?pid=148#p148 features listing of entries
https://www.nytimes.com/1985/12/15/books/teeth-wonder-woman-and-the-soul-of-bali-207278.html