Look—we can’t help it, okay?
We’re the B-Masters. That’s just who we are. We yiz who we yiz and that’s all that we yiz. And that’s why, when we set out to do a tribute, it sometimes ends up looking like…something else.
Take this month’s Roundtable, for example. You wouldn’t think it would be hard to do an appropriate tribute to Elizabeth Taylor, now, would you? We didn’t think so either. Until we started dibsing films.
National Velvet? Nuh-uh. Father Of The Bride? Not exactly. A Place In The Sun? ‘Fraid not. Cat On A Hot Tin Roof? Well, I’m pretty sure Tennessee Williams is in there somewhere…
Well, look on the bright side. We always wanted this blog to be educational.
So join us as we investigate THE OTHER ELIZABETH TAYLOR – all through August at the B-Masters’ Blog.
#1 by Mr. Rational on August 1, 2011 - 8:55 am
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Oh, cool. These should be fun! 🙂
#2 by Jen S on August 1, 2011 - 11:12 am
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Ooooohhh, Suddenly, Last Summer! Please? Please? It has it all! Suffocating vegetation in the garden! Mental instabilitity! Monty Clift! Flashbacks! Ornate monolouges! See through swimsuits! Unusual meals!
#3 by supersonic on August 1, 2011 - 12:13 pm
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This has a nice symmetry with the Medved brothers’ naming of Richard Burton as the all time number one bad actor.
#4 by lyzard on August 1, 2011 - 4:43 pm
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When we were first discussing this, I did make a case for the classification of Suddenly, Last Summer as a horror movie…
I read the play once, and was very surprised to find how close the film was to it. I think the only change was the use of the word “bait” rather than “procure”.
#5 by perletwo on August 1, 2011 - 5:17 pm
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Didn’t she play Fred Flintstone’s mama-in-law once?
#6 by B. Wood on August 1, 2011 - 6:29 pm
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Funny when I first read the headline, I thought it was going to be about you Lyzard. I figured maybe you’d finally admit, that like all scientists, you tamper in god’s domain, with the conical flasks of bubbling liquid, and the electrodes.
#7 by lyzard on August 1, 2011 - 7:05 pm
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That’d be like me telling you I wake up in the morning and then have breakfast. Hardly a secret.
#8 by The Rev. on August 1, 2011 - 7:57 pm
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B. Wood’s not the only one. I thought we’d get proof of Kingsley’s looking like Devil Girl under her lab coat, and how when she’s not in the lab Tampering in God’s Lo Mein she’s out fighting crime as a sexy anti-hero. Then she would also reveal her innermost desires and loves, which would TOTALLY not be what you expect, but would make sense in retrospect. We would all be amazed, shocked, perhaps even awed, and the geek-crush many already have on her would only intensify. Her fame and legend would grow, and she would be like a goddess among men.
Instead it’s just about Liz Taylor. Pssssssssssshhhh.
#9 by lyzard on August 1, 2011 - 11:02 pm
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See, you’re the reason I spend so much time in my basement with my remote-controlled army of flesh-eating zombies. [*blush*]
#10 by Mr. Rational on August 2, 2011 - 1:18 am
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This comment, and this reply, have made my whole day just a little bit brighter.
What does that say about my life?
:::shrug:::
#11 by lyzard on August 2, 2011 - 3:47 am
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That you’ve come to the right place?
#12 by RogerBW on August 2, 2011 - 9:05 am
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Now I find myself picturing the ways Bad Films could mess up the depiction of Lyz’ life. (And I haven’t even met her!)
(a) Single Female Scientist (“why, without your glasses…”) (b) The Australian Episode (life is beaches, barbecues and sharks) (c) the Maria Frankenstein option (“only the monster she made could satisfy her strange desires”) (d) hire some aspiring starlet who can barely spell “biology”, never mind say it convincingly on-screen…
#13 by The Rev. on August 2, 2011 - 11:43 am
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I’m not sure if that was a compliment, or a subtle hint that she’s hiding out and hoping to never accidentally bump into me…
If the former: Awwww!
If the latter: MU-WHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!
#14 by lyzard on August 2, 2011 - 4:36 pm
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Hey, it’s possible to be both shy and raving mad, you know.
#15 by The Rev. on August 2, 2011 - 7:41 pm
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Oh, don’t I know it…
Erm, I mean…eh, screw it.
As far as the Roundtable, some people I can guess what they’re likely to pick. Others, such as Lyz, who have a more specific focus, I’ll be very interested to see what they choose.
#16 by Naomi on August 1, 2011 - 8:14 pm
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Who drew the short straw? The orange-chiffon-housecoat-and-“comical”-Spanish-housekeeper straw?
#17 by Braineater on August 2, 2011 - 7:55 am
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Guess.
#18 by Naomi on August 2, 2011 - 1:15 pm
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Huzzah! (Not because you have to watch that heap several times, but because I think you or Lyz would give it the treatment it really deserves.) Looking forward to it.
#19 by B. Wood on August 2, 2011 - 10:34 am
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We salute you, you poor bastard. And we agree, better you than me.
#20 by Braineater on August 2, 2011 - 2:47 pm
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Really? Clearly we’re talking about different movies, even though mine does feature both an orange housecoat and a pseudo-comic Spanish housekeeper. Mine’s easy. I just watched Ken’s movie last week and my head still hurts.
#21 by El Santo on August 2, 2011 - 12:34 pm
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Unrelated to anything anyone’s been talking about: Hey, B.– is that Boss Borot in your avatar?
#22 by lyzard on August 2, 2011 - 4:36 pm
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Do I get a choice?
This, please.
My “strange desire” being mostly for someone with whom to hold an intelligent conversation from time to time.
I know. Sad, isn’t it?
#23 by The Rev. on August 2, 2011 - 7:53 pm
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Considering Hollywood, I don’t think you’d get a choice; and (c) would probably be the last one they’d take from that list.
As for “intelligent conversation,” considering you’re some kind of super-genius mad scientist, I imagine that conversation on your level would be hard to come by…maybe you should become pen pals with Stephen Hawking or Dr. Doom?
#24 by B. Wood on August 2, 2011 - 9:39 pm
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Type your comment here
Yes. Yes it is.
#25 by david on August 3, 2011 - 7:52 am
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This is a great concept for a blog! I can’t wait to see the other side of Elizabeth Taylor 😉 I really miss the B movies from my teens in the 60s they were often so much better than the main feature. I have bookmarked you and will check in regularly on how Dame Elizabeth is getting on.
David
#26 by Richard on August 3, 2011 - 10:41 am
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I picture Lyz hard at work in her subterrnean lair, surrounded by flasks filled with colored, bubbling, frothing liquids. She is accompanied only by her pet snakes (who have been trained to stay out of the way of her experiments, and act as security guards) and an artificial intelligence that uses the name “Bertrand”.
It is not known how Lyz came to acquire Bertrand. The most likely scenario has Bertrand being created elsewhere, “escaping” its confines, and deciding to work with Lyz since they have many things in common, including a stratospheric intelligence.
Most of Lyz’ research involves creating a body for Bertrand, as he has expressed a desire for “going walkabout in meatspace”. It happens that Lyz has a file of photographs of models and movie stars that she is using as templates, so she may have her own motives for working on the project.
Lyz does not yet realize that the “bottomless pit” she has been using for waste disposal is actually a time portal. All her rejected specimens (and her very few mistakes) are going back in time where they become responsible for Australia’s bizarre wildlife….
#27 by lyzard on August 3, 2011 - 4:35 pm
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All completely correct except the detail about models and movie stars. Neither Bertrand nor I is that shallow.
And, by the way, you’ve missed your calling in life… 🙂
#28 by Braineater on August 3, 2011 - 5:38 pm
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What he neglected to mention is that the models were made by Tsuburaya, and the movie stars are mostly from Toho films and average about 200 feet in height.
Not so much “walkabout” as “stompabout”, really. But worth it.
#29 by lyzard on August 3, 2011 - 6:11 pm
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Okay, now I’m feeling strange desires…
#30 by B. Wood on August 4, 2011 - 8:04 pm
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Well, you have been working through such series as the Amytiville Horror, and the Friday the 13th movies, the Howlings, Etc. What kind of person does such a thing? Well okay the ones that frequent the B-Masters sights, but when you factor in Liz’s bieng a scientist, it’s a recipe for terror!
#31 by The Rev. on August 5, 2011 - 7:37 am
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Or wackiness!
#32 by lyzard on August 5, 2011 - 4:13 pm
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Or much banging of heads against walls.
#33 by B. Wood on August 5, 2011 - 9:03 pm
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Perhaps the mad idea of crossing Jason X and Leprecaun In Space over, would occur? Now that could be a fantastic kind of BAD!
#34 by The Rev. on August 22, 2011 - 10:04 am
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Man, there’s gonna be a lot of reviews this week, isn’t there?
#35 by Braineater on August 22, 2011 - 12:58 pm
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Maybe. But remember, Taylor rarely showed up on time for anything, including her own funeral.
#36 by The Rev. on August 23, 2011 - 6:56 am
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Ah, is that the excuse this time around? “Taylor would approve!” 🙂
#37 by lyzard on August 23, 2011 - 6:20 pm
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My excuse is, it’s hard.
(No, really, I’m struggling.)
#38 by The Rev. on August 24, 2011 - 1:08 pm
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Yeah, that’s what she sai–wait hold on.