So I said to The Rev the other day—when I was still young and light-hearted—“I have two more Amityville sequels to go, plus the one they haven’t released yet.”
Apparently I’ve been asleep at the switch:
- Amityville Asylum (2013)
- Amityville Death House (February 2015)
- Amityville: Vanishing Point (April 2016)
- Amityville Playhouse (April 2016)
- The Amityville Legacy (June 2016)
- The Amityville Terror (August 2016)
- Amityville: No Escape (August 2016)
- Amityville: The Awakening (aka “The One They Haven’t Released Yet”) (January 2017)
It’s as if someone noticed I was getting close to finishing a franchise—“Put half-a-dozen pieces of low-budget crap into production, STAT!!”
So right now I’m feeling a bit like this:
.
.
.
Liz Kingsley is the insane genius behind And You Call Yourself a Scientist!
#1 by Ericb on November 30, 2016 - 9:34 am
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Are you sure you haven’t inadvertently opened a portal to Hell?
#2 by lyzard on November 30, 2016 - 2:43 pm
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That would seem to be the most logical explanation.
#3 by Alaric on December 1, 2016 - 1:12 am
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Amityville: Terror of the Spawning Sequels
#4 by lyzard on December 1, 2016 - 4:10 pm
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If they wanted to frighten me, mission accomplished.
#5 by DamonD on December 1, 2016 - 5:12 am
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The hell…? Where on earth have these all popped up from?
Apart from the deepest darkest depths of mankind, obviously.
#6 by lyzard on December 1, 2016 - 4:11 pm
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You’ll understand why I’m feeling just a bit persecuted at the moment…
#7 by Ken on December 1, 2016 - 11:11 pm
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I’m fascinated by the intellectual property situation. Either no one owns the rights, or the owner is licensing movies as fast as the checks clear.
(Not that they’re very big checks – a scan of the IMDB suggests these things are costing around half a million US$.)
#8 by lyzard on December 1, 2016 - 11:41 pm
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Well, the outcome of George Lutz’s original lawsuit was that you couldn’t copyright a place name; as far as these films were concerned, you couldn’t legally say “horror” but beyond that it was open slather.
I’m very disappointed that I didn’t find out about Amityville: Vanishing Point in time for our “Fistful Of Pennies” Roundtable: apparently it had a budget of $1000.
#9 by Matthew F on December 2, 2016 - 5:13 am
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Honest to god, I got two minutes into the Amityville legacy before I switched it off. It seems as if the inside of the house is a lot more like the producers apartment building than I remember
#10 by lyzard on December 2, 2016 - 5:49 am
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Oh, good; something to look forward to. In the dim, distant future…
#11 by Doug Hudson on December 2, 2016 - 12:40 pm
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I watched one of these recently–it was so blah I don’t even remember which one (Death House, maybe?) I gave up out of boredom about five minutes in.
On the plus side, it’s immediately obvious that the movie is going to be a waste of time, so no one has to actually watch the whole thing…unless, of course, someone decided to review all of the Amityville movies…
#12 by supersonic man on December 2, 2016 - 1:10 pm
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Think of them as your boring uncle who wants you to sit through all his vacation videos. For God’s sake, you don’t have to watch them!
#13 by Braineater on December 2, 2016 - 2:35 pm
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Ooh! Now there’s an idea: “The Amityville Scariness”, in which the House sits the persecuted family down and makes them watch every single Amityville movie ever made…
I’m off to Kickstarter!
#14 by lyzard on December 2, 2016 - 4:43 pm
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Not nearly so scary as Amityville OCD, wherein the house doesn’t have to make you do it.
What I really resent about this is not the foreknowledge that I’ll do it, it’s that I’ll have to pay to do it.
#15 by RogerBW on December 20, 2016 - 6:54 pm
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Man, if it doesn’t have the eye-windows, it just ain’t Amityville.
(First time I remember being scared by a trailer was for Amityville 3-D. Yeah, really. I was quite young.)
#16 by lyzard on January 1, 2017 - 3:21 am
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*I* was once scared by a newspaper ad for Frogs, so you’re preaching to the choir!
#17 by The Rev. on January 2, 2017 - 12:01 pm
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The frog with the hand hanging out of its mouth, I presume? I know I found that rather disquieting.
The newspaper ad for Return to Horror High got me; I had a thing about skulls with eyes as a kid. So, yes, I was also spooked by the video cover for Evil Dead II.
#18 by The Rev. on January 1, 2017 - 1:12 am
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After your comment, I was curious about the remaining ones. So, I went looking, and found five of those listed above. I thought perhaps you were taking those into account, but simply discarding the ones that look to have absolutely nothing to do with the series.
Although it occurs to me that that hasn’t stopped you before.
My poor, dear Lyz. The things you do to yourself for our entertainment…
#19 by Braineater on January 9, 2017 - 5:32 pm
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Now that Amityville Exorcism (2017) has come out — Mark Polonia!! — I thought I’d check and see why I hadn’t heard anything recently about Amityville Awakening. And of course, Amityville Awakening has hit Snooze yet again… it’s been pushed back to June.
And if you believe it’s coming out in June, I got a house on Long Island I’d like to sell you…