It’s been a long time since I did one of these, hasn’t it?
Big Man Japan (2007), in which a Japanese TV comic asks, “What if it really sucked to be Ultraman?”…
Bloodrayne (2005), in which Uwe Boll does all the same crap he usually did in his heyday, but it brings me no pleasure this time…
The Boy Who Cried Werewolf (1973), in which Nathan Juran just isn’t cut out for the 70’s…
The Children (1980), in which Three Mile Island could have been worse…
and…
Thrilling Bloody Sword (1981), in which a bunch of Taiwanese guys raid the entire corpus of Western (or West of them, at any rate) fantasy adventure literature for source material, and make the strangest sword-and-sorcery flick I’ve seen in ages.
I’ve also got another newly rebuilt review:
The Phantom of the Opera (1943), in which I’m able at last to explain why it sucks, instead of just how.
El Santo rules the wasteland-- and also 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting.
#1 by Killer Meteor on April 3, 2023 - 1:22 pm
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It’s telling of the carriage-trade crowd the 1943 Phantom was aiming at that the opening credits refer to Gaston Leroux’s source novel as a “composition.”
#2 by El Santo on April 3, 2023 - 4:51 pm
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Define “carriage trade,” if you could. I don’t believe I’ve heard that term before.
#3 by Killer Meteor on April 3, 2023 - 9:06 pm
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https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/carriage%20trade
#4 by Kurt on April 5, 2023 - 1:36 pm
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I’m so glad I sponsored “Thrilling Bloody Sword” for B-Fest, just so you could explain what the hell was going on. I had next to no idea.
#5 by ronald on April 6, 2023 - 3:38 pm
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“They’re like ambulatory microwave ovens”
A concept which was itself a source of suspicion and fear in the eighties (although not necessarily the ambulatory part).
#6 by ronald on April 6, 2023 - 3:51 pm
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That remark was in reference to “The Children,” btw. My apologies for the omission. 😐
#7 by ronald on April 6, 2023 - 4:50 pm
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Big Man Japan: “various combinations of red, silver, and blue…there’s no homegrown American tradition of heroes like these”
IIRC the golden age of comic books had a few trios with red & white & blue themes, although none of them managed to catch much attention. Here’s what might be the “best-known” such trio, although ironically they’re Red, White, and Blue only in name.
http://jessnevins.com/encyclopedia/redwhiteandblue.html
#8 by El Santo on April 6, 2023 - 4:55 pm
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No, I meant there’s no homegrown American tradition of heroes like Ultraman, Kamen Rider, Zone Fighter, and so on. Although in retrospect, I can see how the wording of that sentence would give you the wrong idea.
#9 by ronald on April 6, 2023 - 5:10 pm
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Oh, okay.
Big Man Japan (2007): “Lost Decade”
In case anyone else is as unfamiliar with the term as I was five minutes ago:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_Decades
😉
#10 by ronald on April 6, 2023 - 6:01 pm
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The Boy Who Cried Werewolf:
“Marderosian believes that the werewolf story is a defense mechanism… against the trauma of watching his father kill a man. The boy has edited his own memories of the incident in the woods to show Robert killing a monster instead.” /// “Sally begins to fear…that her own negativity toward her ex-husband is rubbing off on the boy. /// “[Marderosian] suspects that the transference of the beast-identity from the madman in the woods to Richie’s father means that Robert has begun abusing his son.”
That’s some pretty impressive psychiatric analysis — particularly for a low-budget horror film — marred only by the fact that in a universe where werewolves exist, it’s kind of literally academic. 😉 Your summarizations were similarly impressive. Thanks.
#11 by El Santo on April 6, 2023 - 6:19 pm
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The Boy Who Cried Werewolf is so frustrating because it keeps almost being exactly the update of The Wolf Man that 1973 needed.
#12 by Chris on April 8, 2023 - 11:44 am
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I forgot all about The Boy Who Cried Werewolf, thanks for that review. As soon as I read “Jesus Freaks” in italics, I thought of Nic Cage in Mandy. I look forward to you reviewing it someday.
#13 by Alaric on April 8, 2023 - 2:10 pm
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Re: The Boy Who Cried Werewolf – “What’s more, that’s true despite the fact that the cult’s practices frequently syncretize the paraphernalia of Christian magic with that of its opposite. Witness, for example, the moment when Robert is unable to accompany Richie or Sandy into the hippies’ campsite so long as they’re all dancing around the pentagram encircling Brother Christopher’s giant cross.” The pentagram was originally considered a holy symbol in Christianity. Its use in the summoning of demons was originally supposed to be for the protection of the summoner- trapping the demon in a holy pentagram, or having the summoner stand within one, would prevent the unholy demon from being able to harm the summoner. ironically, this resulted in the pentagram being associated with demonology. I still have no idea why you’d surround a cross with a pentagram, though.