The B-Masters Cabal

I’ll never forget the look on my dog’s face when one of our guests at a barbecue fed her a veggie burger when she was expecting the real thing. That, and the ptoo! that followed.

I bring this up because it’s so close to my reaction to Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus. Never judge a film by its trailer!

The movie is Framed. The star is Joe Don Baker. Do I have to say any more? (Well, yeah, I did also write a full-length review of the movie that I hope you’ll read, but you know what I mean.)

The quickest way to describe Mask of the Dragon (1951), a cheap Chinatown-flavored suspense thriller, is this: You know you’re scraping the bottom when Lyle Talbot is your most accomplished cast member.

(That’s not him in the picture.)

TRIP TO MOON
It appears that what these apparent scientist types are doing is plotting out some kind of a moon landing, but they are soon distracted from that task by a flash outside the window. One of the scientists wanders off to investigate, and is soon greeted by a bewitching melody sung by a ghostly female voice, wafting toward him as if carried on the bitter mountain winds. Soon the voice is given unlikely form in the shape of a woman in a bejeweled floor-length gown, shoulder-length lace gloves and a tiara, who proceeds to perform a fairly standard Bollywood item number while lithely prancing about the craggy, blizzard-swept landscape. This mildly surreal sequence ends when the old professor, having completely fallen under this siren’s spell, is suddenly confronted with her true form: that of a cackling, helmeted spacewoman in a mini-dress, leggings, and high-top sneakers. Soon thereafter, a gang of thuggish moon minions appear and hustle the fellow into a waiting flying saucer, which then shakily takes off toward the heavens.

THE HIGH AND THE MIGHTY (1954)

Well, here it is, folks: the first honest-to-God modern disaster movie, brought to you by the Duke himself.

Halfway between Hawaii and San Francisco, a commercial airliner loses a propeller, suffering engine damage and the loss of critical fuel in the process. Over time, it becomes increasingly clear that the incapacitated plane may not be able to reach its intended destination. As the passengers reflect upon their lives, their fate is in the hands of two men: an older pilot whose stoic demeanour masks a tragic past, and a younger one suffering from a crippling case of nerves.

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(I’ll leave it to the rest of you to look at that screenshot and figure out which is which.)

The Blood Shed (2006)

Does cannibalism lead to inbreeding, or does inbreeding lead to cannibalism? Oh well, as long as it’s all in good fun…

DIRTY PAIR: PROJECT EDEN
I don’t know exactly what sort of conversation was transpiring between Chandler, Takachiho, and the two female “assistants” (Tanaka Yuri and Otoguro Keiko) in attendance with them, but being a sci-fi nerd myself, I can hazard a guess. Whatever the case, at some point Chandler made the comment that, while the wrestlers in the ring might be known as the Beauty Pair, the two people with Takachiho (the assistants) should be known as the Dirty Pair. This comment inspired Takachiho to come up with the idea of grafting the theatrical mayhem and violence and pro wrestling onto the world of science fiction. Basing the friendship of his two main characters on the camaraderie (sometimes somewhat tense) of tag-team wrestling partners, not to mention the penchant of wrestlers for massive amounts of destruction, the sci-fi comic creator came up with his latest creation. Drawing upon the names of the assistance who had, through some mysterious way we may never fully know, inspired Chandler to call them the Dirty Pair, Takachiho named his new duo Kei and Yuri.