The B-Masters Cabal

First, Teleport City has finally managed to expand itself somewhat and add a couple new writers. That’s our hoopla. And to celebrate, new reviews from the new blood:

Mr. India
The film boasts alternately maudlin and jingoistic appeals to patriotism, a small army of aggressively cute children who are shamelessly exploited for cheap pathos whenever the script requires, broad physical comedy of the slide-whistle and bass drum variety, and a corny super hero plot that doesn’t even get going until halfway through the film’s three hour running time–all elements that would seem lab-tested to make Mr. India hard to love by anyone with a sensible thought in their head. Nonetheless, as much as I tried to distance myself by taking in Mr. India as an inept freak show loaded with overheated propaganda, there came that fateful moment during the second hour, right after one of those child-fueled moments of cheap pathos, when I felt a familiar lump growing in my throat. And with that lump came a strangled, tear-choked voice, urging the hero on to avenge the terrible wrong that had been done: “You get those bastards, Mr. India!”

Plus, Jet Set Cinema looks at Shaw Brothers spyjinks: Temptress of a Thousand Faces

And Shrimp Chips tear into: Karamurat Seyh Gaffara Karsi and  Rome Armed to the Teeth.

This doesn’t pertain to the B-Masters in particular, but it seems like the sort of info visitors here would be interested in. For those wondering how they schedule 50 moves in three days, some do run concurrently in different venues:

Franklin Indiana will be hosting the Second Annual B Movie Celebration September 26th thru 28th, 2008. We are asking for your help to get the word out. The Celebration will feature screenings of over 50 classic B movies, 20 Educational seminars and the World’s Largest Beach Party, featuring the music of The Moon-Rays.

Our Film Line Up

The Celebration will feature screenings of over 50 classic B movies, Many in glorious 35mm. Our Line Up, which has been curated by Jim Wynorski Includes:
SHOGUN ASSASSIN
FORBIDDEN WORLD
DEATH RACE 2000
HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD
THIS ISLAND EARTH
TARANTULA
CARNIVAL OF SOULS
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
NIGHT OF THE COMET
BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS
THE GIANT BEHEMOTH
QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE
WORLD WITHOUT END
RUSS MEYER’S UP
FROM HELL IT CAME
ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS
NOT OF THIS EARTH(the black and white original)
THE BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS
THE 7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD
EARTH VS. THE FLYING SAUCERS
WITHOUT WARNING
SCREWBALLS
GALAXY OF TERROR
HOUSE
THE CRAWLING EYE
ATTACK OF THE 50FOOT WOMAN
PSYCHO
JOURNEY TO THE SEVENTH PLANET
INVISIBLE INVADERS
ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES
TERMINAL ISLAND
NIGHTHAWKS
MYSTERIOUS ISLAND(61)
ONE MILLION B.C.
INVADERS FROM MARS(53)
TO TRAP A SPY
HOLD THAT GHOST
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN
TWINS OF EVIL
THE VAMPIRE LOVERS
LUST FOR A VAMPIRE
THE TIME MACHINE
WAR OF THE WORLDS

A Retrospective of The Films of Jim Wynorski

Against the Law-Wynorski Film
Demolition High -Wynorski FIlm
976-Evil II -Wynorski Film
The Haunting of Morella-Wynroski Film
Chopping Mall-Wynorski Film
Transylvania Twist -Wynorski Film

A Lifetime Achievement Award to Stuart Gordon

From his 1985 debut as a cult director with Re-Animator to his 2002 H.P. Lovecraft film “Dagon” Stuart Gordon has consistently delivered quality horror to the masses, and is now considered by many of us to be one of the most important exploitation film-makers of the past 30 years. Gordon will likely always be best remembered for “Re-Animator,” but his other films have always been great works. We are please to honor him,

His films Include
Re-Animator (1985)
Robot Jox (1989)
Daughter of Darkness (1990)
The Pit and the Pendulum (1990 film) (1990)
Fortress (1992)
Space Truckers (1996)
Dagon (2001)
King of the Ants (2003)
Edmond (2005)
Stuck (2007)

Other great guests

Tom Savini, Jim Wynorski (of course), Conrad Brooks and many many more.

For further information please go to www.bmoviecelebration.com or please email us at info@indyfilmco-op.org/

Hope to see you in Franklin Indi9ana September 26th thru 28th, 2008

Thanks for your help

Teenage Space Vampires (1998) could have been great camp fun.  Instead it’s a nonsensical Rube-Goldbergian plot fleshed out with dubbed Romanian supporting actors, showing almost none of the paranoia that an “aliens are taking over your neighbors” story should contain.

Proof, as if we needed it, that you can’t keep a good devil down! –

SEYTAN (1974)

An even lamer episode than usual, and hence an even lamer review than usual.  Hey, you can’t make bricks out of mud.  Still and all, prepare for a 21 gun salute to mediocrity as we endure A Time for Rifles.

Apparently I’ve been hacked, and will have to re-build a bunch of stuff. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks to those of you who sent heads-ups.

SEYTAN (1974)

Hey, who needs a director at the top of his game, a talented cast, a committed screenwriter and a clever special effects team when you’ve got a pot of mustard, a way with papier-mâché and a camera with a jammed mauve filter?

It’s that famous movie that recycles a thirty-year-old “son of Satan” plot to coincide with the date of 06/06/2006.  That’s right, 666: The Child (2006), from the good people at The Asylum!  …What, you were thinking of some other movie?  Funny how often that happens with The Asylum productions.

Space Transformers
The earth is under attack from sinister, crudely drawn aliens. We meet them at first when they attack an orbiting space platform that looks suspiciously like the Super Dimensional Fortress Macross, or like the orbiting space platform that showed up at the beginning of Space Thunder Kids. These aliens look human and command robots that pilot larger robots that shoot meteors and carry axes. Why you would need to carry an ax if you can already shoot meteors is a bit of a mystery, but then I reckon you need something for close quarters combat. After the attack has begun, the space fleet gets a transmission from Ivy, the world’s most special girl, warning them of an eminent alien attack. Her ability to warn people of things that started happening a few minutes before she warned people of them somehow makes her the lynchpin in Earth’s plans to defeat the aliens. Exactly how this helps in the fight against aliens or why Asians are always pinning the hopes of the galaxy on twelve-year-olds is never really explained.

There’s a bit of other stuff in here, too (as there’d damn well better be, considering how frigging late this update is), but the main unifying theme this time is the inglorious coda to an illustrious career:

Berserk (1967), in which Joan Crawford looks way the hell better in that outfit than you’re going to when you’re her age…

Strait-Jacket (1964), in which William Castle realizes that an over-the-hill star is the ultimate gimmick…

A Thousand and One Nights (1945), in which new ground is broken in the realm of odious comedy (you can’t call it odious comic relief when it’s actually the entire point of the film)…

Trog (1970), in which Crawford makes her final bow while babysitting a refugee from Stanley Kubrick’s junkroom…

and…

Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922), in which Benjamin Christensen gets a four-decade jump on the rest of the world as regards witch-burning, nunsploitation, and Mondo reportage.