An animated movie that’s unknown might not sound unusual. But what makes the obscurity of the animated movie Twice Upon A Time unusual is that the movie was produced by none other than George Lucas. Is it up to Star Wars? Or down to the depths of Howard The Duck? Or something between those extremes? Read the review to find out.
Archive for category New Reviews
I didn’t set out to review so many Jean Rollin movies this time around, but then every single film of his that I had in my Netflix Instant queue acquired an expiration date simultaneously.
Death Becomes Her (1992), in which Robert Zemeckis (of all people) directs Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn (of all people) as a pair of nigh-indestructible zombie women…
The Demoniacs (1974), in which a couple of Belgian girls have sex with a devil in order to gain sufficient power to avenge themselves upon the pirates who raped them…
Dressed to Kill (1980), in which Brian De Palma kicks Psycho up a notch…
The G-String Horror (2012), in which a film crew shooting a documentary about a haunted strip club get more than they bargained for…
Gargoyles (1972), in which a tribe of homicidal pterodactyl-people is in some ways less troublesome than a redneck police captain…
Gor (1987), in Harry Allan Towers teams up with Golan and Globus to turn a mad philosopher’s neo-Nietzschean erotic John Carter fanfic into a run-of-the-mill 80’s barbarian movie…
Latitude Zero (1969), in which rival Captain Nemo wannabes battle for control of some schmuck scientist and his cute but largely useless daughter…
Lips of Blood (1975), in which you can’t really blame the protagonist for preferring his hot vampire girlfriend to his out-of-control mom…
The Nude Vampire (1970), in which the title character is neither nude nor a vampire…
The Rape of the Vampire (1968), which has very little to do with vampires being raped…
The Shiver of the Vampires (1971), in which the vampires don’t shiver, either– what the hell, Jean Rollin?!
and…
The Vampire Beast Craves Blood (1967), which isn’t nearly as much stupid fun as a movie about a blood-drinking were-moth ought to be.
1963
El llanero
Rififí en la Ciudad
Don’t worry — I’m not only going to review Jess Franco movies for the rest of the year. Still, you might want to pay extra attention to this particular update. 1963 gives us, first of all, one of Franco’s rarest and least-known movies, even by comparison to his musicals: a strange quasi-Western set in Venezuela. But for the names of some of the characters, you’d never imagine this was a Jess Franco movie.
Then comes the film you’d never guess in a million years was written and directed by Franco: Rififí en la Ciudad, a taut crime thriller that suggests Orson Welles far more than the man who made Castle of Fu Manchu.
Jess Franco, King Vidor and Orson Welles
This rock does not rock
Jun 9
Though my experience with past Cynthia Rothrock movies has been totally negative, I had high hopes for Guardian Angel, since it was made by the movie studio PM Entertainment, the king of direct to video action. What could go wrong? Well, plenty.
Goodbye, Uncle Jess
Jun 3
As if the chaos of April, 2013, wasn’t enough for me, I’ve decided to start a new project. I plan to watch every Jess Franco movie I can get my hands on, in chronological order, and blog ’em all in the Brain Drops section of my site. You know — because life is just too darned long and comfortable.
In case you’re wondering why I’d attempt something so questionable for my health and sanity, here’s a little background. And, since the journey off every cliff begins with a single step, here are my first couple of entries:
1959
Tenemos 18 Años
1960
Labios Rojos — not reviewed (lost?)
La Reina del Tabarín
1961
Vampiresas 1930
Gritos en la Noche/The Awful Dr. Orlof
1962
La Muerte Silba un Blues
La Mano de un Hombre Muerto/The Sadistic Baron von Klaus
I figure at this rate, my project is likely to take a year to complete. However, since this is one of those situations where the going just gets rougher the further you go, my guess may be wildly optimistic. Wish me luck!
Will Laughlin is the Braineater.A Corey story
May 30
Former teen star Corey Feldman makes his directorial debut with Busted, also appearing in the movie along with his buddy Corey Haim. The question to be asked is not how good a director Feldman is. Rather, it’s how bad a director he is.
Redneck rampage
May 20
In Hunter’s Blood, city folks go to the Arkansas countryside and find a population made up of kind, sensitive, and intelligent people… oh, who am I kidding? It’s redneck rampage time, and it’s a fairly entertaining rampage.
The gang’s all here
May 10
Pleasant memories of Archie and his gang in comic books I read as a child got me to pick up the animated feature film The Archies In Jugman. However, what was going through my head after watching the movie was not pleasant for the most part.
Crazy old ladies, peculiar diabolism, Czarist spookery, and the science of German smut:
All that Money Can Buy (1941), in which a farmer sells his soul to the Devil, then hires Senator Daniel Webster to get him out of the contract…
The Devil Within Her (1975), in which failing to requite a midget’s love gets Joan Collins cursed with a killer baby…
The Horror of Frankenstein (1970), in which Hammer scores its first Epic Fail in appealing to the youth market of the 70’s…
The Leech Woman (1959), in which the lady never asked for a Fountain of Youth, but now that she’s got one, she intends to keep it…
Night of the Ghouls (1958), in which Ed Wood brings the art of the “Dracula” anagram to its all-time low…
The Portrait (1915), in which there are even worse hazards to buying tacky wall art than having to spend the rest of your days looking at the ugly-ass thing…
The Queen of Spades (1916), in which Satan recommends that you cheat at cards…
Satan Exultant (1917), in which he also recommends that you get drunk, paint sexy pictures, and screw your in-laws…
The School Girls (1970), in which the in-laws are apparently the only people whom Germany’s teenagers aren’t screwing…
Twister’s Revenge! (1987), in which nothing evens the score with a bunch of dumb rednecks like an intelligent, self-aware monster truck…
and…
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962), in which one of Old Timey Hollywood’s most famous feuds becomes the raw material for the second-most influential psycho-horror film of the 60’s.
Rapping about Rappin’
Apr 30
Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus may not have been the funkiest producers around, but that didn’t stop them from making Rappin’. Is this rap crap? Read on and find out.